Therapy is bs/wrong!

MoxieDoxie · May 18, 2019 at 10:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

I am sorry to hear it was not as useful as it could have been.
For me, my person's cancer and all that surrounded it was the one area where the therapist was not a complete disaster. All I required was a place where I did not have to deal with/take care of anyone else or their response to her cancer/treatments/surgeries or anyone else's response to my responses about it etc. I did not have to check myself to be nice or take care of or help anyone else deal with it for that one period of time. I really don't recall the therapist doing anything except sit there - but that whole period of time is still so blurry in a lot of ways.

Yeah I suppose. I realized he was doing exactly what he said for me to do for my husband when I said I do not know what to do or say to him anymore when I saw him crying. He said you do not need to say anything or do anything you just need to sit with him. He was emulating exactly that and it was not doing much for me so I wonder if that would do anything for my husband if it was was not comforting me when T was doing it?

I think I was expecting my T to be a little more less distant to me and little be more compassionate. I wish he would drop that damn pragmatic therapy style crap. His actions and words do say I am important to him but he never says it outright. Sometimes you just need that in times like this. I left there feeling empty and really alone.

stopdog · 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

Yeah I suppose. I realized he was doing exactly what he said for me to do for my husband when I said I do not know what to do or say to him anymore when I saw him crying. He said you do not need to say anything or do anything you just need to sit with him. He was emulating exactly that and it was not doing much for me so I wonder if that would do anything for my husband if it was was not comforting me when T was doing it?

I think I was expecting my T to be a little more less distant to me and little be more compassionate. I wish he would drop that damn pragmatic therapy style crap. His actions and words do say I am important to him but he never says it outright. Sometimes you just need that in times like this. I left there feeling empty and really alone.

Is there something that you would have found comforting? Could you ask the therapist to do it?
This may just be me, but it was a good thing for me to not have to endure someone trying to be comforting at me when in reality there was nothing anyone could have actively done that I would have found comforting at that time. I was annoyed at others who were trying to be comforting to me but since the others were my friends, I couldn't (or didn't want to because I knew they were trying to be kind) snap at them - I just endured it. With the therapist, I did not have to endure that at least.

I am sorry you and your husband are facing this.

MoxieDoxie · May 18, 2019 at 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

Is there something that you would have found comforting? Could you ask the therapist to do it?
This may just be me, but it was a good thing for me to not have to endure someone trying to be comforting at me when in reality there was nothing anyone could have actively done that I would have found comforting at that time. I was annoyed at others who were trying to be comforting to me but since the others were my friends, I couldn't (or didn't want to because I knew they were trying to be kind) snap at them - I just endured it. With the therapist, I did not have to endure that at least.

I am sorry you and your husband are facing this.

You know......I do not want comforting from anyone except my T. I think about who I would want to be there to sit with me. No one. I have zero connection with anyone and honestly would just be annoyed at others around me telling me what to do. What I would like is someone to come over and cook or clean or sit with him if he wants. I have always been taking care of myself with no help from family or friends. My husband and I have been through trials and tribulations with zero help. 4 moves, car accidents, surgeries, job losses.

This is the first time I ever felt like I wanted to be comforted by someone and unfortunately the person I want it from is my T.

here today · May 18, 2019 at 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

You know......I do not want comforting from anyone except my T. I think about who I would want to be there to sit with me. No one. I have zero connection with anyone and honestly would just be annoyed at others around me telling me what to do. What I would like is someone to come over and cook or clean or sit with him if he wants. I have always been taking care of myself with no help from family or friends. My husband and I have been through trials and tribulations with zero help. 4 moves, car accidents, surgeries, job losses.

This is the first time I ever felt like I wanted to be comforted by someone and unfortunately the person I want it from is my T.

If he can't do it -- have you considered a cancer caregivers support group for yourself? How about a home health aide to come cook and clean and sit with your husband. Even if you all have to pay out of pocket because your insurance won't consider it "necessary". Sounds to me like it kind of is but, oh, well.

I paid out of pocket for sitters the last few days of my husband's life here at home, in hospice, so I could get some other things done, and sleep. They were great. Very worth it.

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