[stopdog]

Do you tell the therapist about your joys and triumphs?

[LonesomeTonight]

I said yes. I don't spend nearly as much time talking about them, but I try to tell him about positive things that have happened in my life, particularly times when I think I handled a situation better than I would have in the past or where something I was worried about ended up being fine. Part of it is trying to give him a fuller picture of my life, because I think that can be important to the therapy. But I know some of it is for probably less of a good reason--my desire to please authority figures and have them be proud of me. It feels good to me if he praises something I've done or how I've handled things. Which is probably something I need to discuss more with him, because it can sometimes lead me to downplay the negative stuff (though I try not to).

[stopdog]

I never thought it was the place of the therapist to praise anything I did or not. It would not motivate me in any fashion.
My childhood was fairly okay. My parents were not monsters. I don't recall anything from growing up that I would describe as a triumph or joy. I was happy enough. I probably wouldn't describe much of anything as a triumph or joy - those words are a tad over the top for me.

[Lrad123]

I tell my therapist about current joys and triumphs, not so much those in my childhood. And I’m not looking for praise. That sounds a bit condescending- like praising my dog for doing a trick or praising a 2-year-old for staying dry through the night. Its more about sharing a nice moment with someone, particularly if you don’t have anyone else to share it with. For example my son has anxiety and has had huge troubles with school avoidance. I’ve occasionally shared with my therapist when he’s doing well. I don’t really have others that I’d share this with and it just feels good to have another human acknowledge how far he’s come.

[MoxieDoxie]

Yes I tell the good with the bad. I feel any small triumphs are directly related to the work I did in therapy and I feel that is feedback for the therapist to let him know if the modalities he is using is working or not.

[nottrustin]

Yes, I do for various reasons. Sometimes it is because it is because it pertains to something we have been working on or dealing with. Sometimes it is because life us so difficult that I need to bring up something positive to help me bot want to give up. We try to end really intense appointments on a positive note so sometimes that is how I switch the focus. Plus I have 3 amazing kids who I enjoy bragging about for moments because despite my screwed up life and fears of failing they remind me I have done something right in this life.

[atisketatasket]

Tried it with Info once. I mentioned it had been a year since I sh’d. Her mind was running on a different track and she said “oh great” and then returned to what she’d been talking about. Useless.

I’m not sure I would call that a triumph anyway. The only things I really see as triumphs in my life are a couple academic achievements.

In other news, ice cream is good.

[Lemoncake]

Yup. He gets emails after each exam I pass. I tell him about my running times.Comments from teachers and my sister etc

[Salmon77]

Yes, I'm usually anxious about things I'm planning to do, so I always talk about them beforehand and tell him how they went afterward.

[susannahsays]

I'm not sure I would qualify anything as a triumph or joy. It's not like I'm winning the Nobel Peace Prize. I sometimes use the therapist when I feel like bragging about something. I wouldn't do that with people irl because bragging isn't a good look on anyone. But if I'm feeling smug about succeeding at something, I might mention it to the therapist just to get the urge to gloat out of my system.

ETA: I am not an advocate of false modesty so much as I think talking about one's accomplishments is uninteresting to most others. There are certain situations where it might benefit the other person, but that isn't usual. For example, if my sister gets a raise, promotion, or some other recognition at work, I am interested in hearing about it. But I couldn't care less if an acquaintance gets those things. A therapist can be used when there is an urge to tell somebody without worrying about burdening them with the social expectation that they act excited/enthusiastic/etc.

[missbella]

My new therapy group was furious at me when I quietly slipped in good news the end of session, in contrast to the misery session of everyone else.. I never made that mistake again with my other good news, including a trip that changed the course of my life and career.

[Salmon77]

Originally Posted by susannahsays

I'm not sure I would qualify anything as a triumph or joy. It's not like I'm winning the Nobel Peace Prize. I sometimes use the therapist when I feel like bragging about something. I wouldn't do that with people irl because bragging isn't a good look on anyone. But if I'm feeling smug about succeeding at something, I might mention it to the therapist just to get the urge to gloat out of my system.

ETA: I am not an advocate of false modesty so much as I think talking about one's accomplishments is uninteresting to most others. There are certain situations where it might benefit the other person, but that isn't usual. For example, if my sister gets a raise, promotion, or some other recognition at work, I am interested in hearing about it. But I couldn't care less if an acquaintance gets those things. A therapist can be used when there is an urge to tell somebody without worrying about burdening them with the social expectation that they act excited/enthusiastic/etc.

It seems like you put a really negative frame around talking about positive things: it's gloating or bragging or smug, and burdening people, and it's not like you won a Nobel Prize... Personally I think it's fun to hear about people's victories, big or small. I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling good when things go well or sharing that good feeling with people.

[susannahsays]

Originally Posted by Salmon77

It seems like you put a really negative frame around talking about positive things: it's gloating or bragging or smug, and burdening people, and it's not like you won a Nobel Prize... Personally I think it's fun to hear about people's victories, big or small. I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling good when things go well or sharing that good feeling with people.

Smug is actually one of my favorite emotions. I enjoy gloating. However, I don't think there is value in talking about one's accomplishments with people who have no investment in it. I don't think most people genuinely care about the accomplishments of strangers or acquaintances. You are more likely to stoke resentment in such people than happiness on your behalf. Humans are more given to jealousy and competition than selfless happiness on the behalf of distant others.

I think it's not so much that I place a negative value on talking about accomplishments as it is a reflection of my cynicism of the human race and its capacities. I would also suggest that it is your own (and most other peoples') negative beliefs about talking about accomplishments that put a negative spin on smugness or gloating. It sort of reinforces my point that people don't want to hear about accomplishments that these words exist and have a negative connotation.

[SlumberKitty]

I put sometimes. Mostly I tell my T about times when I don't SH. I tell her when I do too. But she makes a good comment if it has been a while since I have SH-ed. It's kind of nice. I have no one IRL to celebrate it besides T.

[Amyjay]

I didn't hire a therapist to talk about '"joys and triumphs".
And I wouldn't classify many things as that anyway.
I may occasionally mention an area in which I have made recent progress. But those things do not make me feel joyful or triumphant.
I neither seek praise and accolades, nor do I want them.

I said yes. I love how she would always react with such joy to a positive. Like when I published my little book of poems she squealed her delight and stuff.

[LostOnTheTrail]

I voted for other, meaning 'Once in a while, when it is relevant to our work, or might impact upon our work.'

I almost said that I told her everything, except I really didn't. Almost, but not quite.

Ice cream is good.

[Spirit of Trees]

I tell my T when good things happen/I succeed in doing something difficult. It feels nice to let her know my life isn't all doom and gloom, and sometimes it's related to progress I'm making in therapy.

[Xynesthesia2]

I said "sometimes". Like some others, I would not use the terms "joys and triumphs" to describe my successes and positive experiences but I did tell my Ts about the latter quite a lot - it makes sense to share accomplishments and solutions with people I see because I have problems. I also much more effectively tend to bond with people via sharing positive experiences and good solutions than sharing misery - just my personality. I easily notice that even on an anonymous forum like this in the patterns which members I feel drawn to. So, yeah.

I find it hard to do so. I was seeing T2 when I completed and handed in a 12,000 word dissertation for a masters. I didn’t mention anything about it. I might have liked to.

[Omers]

I do, and T has shared that it is just as important part of therapy as talking about the bad stuff... but most people only focus on the bad. So T is encouraging me to bring more of my joys/triumphs to session.

[starfishing]

Yes, as you probably surmised from my post on the other thread. At least some of them, sometimes.

I'm sure it depends in large part on what role therapy plays in your life. If I were there to vent, I definitely wouldn't share when good things happen or when I accomplish something big, because that would be a waste of time. But I'm not there to vent. I'm there to figure out my patterns and get help changing the ones that are detrimental to me. And the ways I react to major positive moments are a big part of that, because I often react to significant accomplishments in an idiosyncratic, counterproductive way. So I'm not going to get much of anywhere if I don't share those moments with my therapist.

And I can understand how the phrasing "joys and triumphs" could seem over the top out of context, but I'm fine with it. Life can be full of both big and small joys and triumphs, just like it can be full of loss and sadness. My childhood had both joyful moments and abuse, and sharing one without the other doesn't give the most accurate version of things. My life now has really awful moments and really wonderful triumphant ones, and they're both a part of what things are like for me.