Disconnect with Awesome T

I am struggling with feeling totally disconnected from Awesome T and he is out of town next week. I sent an email with everything that fed into it and I have called. I know he will call me back but if I can’t connect over the phone I am afraid it will make everything worse and I am so far over the edge anyway.
I have face blindness and T switched to his summer wardrobe, he was out in the sun all weekend so his complexion might have been darker, it was dim in his office and the first time I ever found where the lights are... so many thing and lots of stress before session. So I did self talk all through session reminding myself that this was T, we were in T’s office, this is the same person I have worked with since December... I tried to anchor to his voice rather than an image but I couldn’t. I felt like I was in the room with a total stranger. So I was too afraid to tell him what was happening or to ask for help. Now he is out of town for a week.
I have tried connecting through his web page like I can usually do but no luck there. The weighted lap pad I made that matches his office helps a little... but my whole being is going into a massive grief response as if he has died or something.
I don’t know how to pull myself out and he is completely booked until he leaves and I am his first client when he gets back.

I can relate to you having a massive reaction to a session. It has happened to me many times. I find that as the days go by the emotions get easier.

T called and left a message while I was at work. I was able to recognize his voice this time so I have settled down quite a lot.

I have different issues/triggers but I understand what it feels like to be set off by something about T and have it dog you after session. Once T started waving his hands in a particular way (animated talking) and I was gone. Next session I could talk about it. It sounds you have a great understanding of what created the situation and know how to move forward to get to a better place. I think you have a good T who can be responsive to you.

Thanks Anne2.0
T is very sensitive not to trigger me in any way that he knows of from other clients. My triggers are so out there random that it is hard to avoid and I know some days it must feel to him like he is walking in an abandoned land mine field. I think I could have been OK with even 2 or 3 of the things that went wrong/off before and during session but there were like 20. T has encouraged me to stay in touch while he is gone next week (it is work not family so I am OK with that) and has even encouraged email until I can get more settled again. He knows I want to go inpatient but there are not any good programs here... just 72hr holds for emergencies where they push prescription drugs... not the path we are on. I know when he gets back the 10th we should have an easier time connecting.