[here today]

She shamed me. She got haughty when I called her a “b**h”, when she refused a request for something (I felt) I needed, and I hate her.

There is a dynamic of haughtiness in the culture I grew up in. “Southern (U.S.) ladyism” I call it. I have a “part” of me that I “worked hard” to get in touch with that I called “female snotty b**h”, but I didn’t recognize it in others, until I felt it more (co-)consciously in/with me.

I didn’t recognize it in how my mother had treated me sometimes, or my grandmother and aunts. Just beat up on myself and worked hard to keep that part (introject?) down or cut off, inactive (as much as I could).

My last T was a “Southern lady”, too.

The dynamic may not be unique to the Southern U.S., though in different cultures it may be somewhat, uniquely different.

Not sure that I want any support, exactly, just wanted to get this "out there". I will continue to process things. . .

[missbella]

HT, I too grew up in the South/Southwest in the 1950s and know the symptoms. Smile, smile and keep everything glassy smooth.

My therapists though were from a different place and era, the crunchy granola, let's get in touch with our feelings time.

It's all paint from different cans as I think about it.

[autonoe]

My mother is a Southern belle. My grandmothers were like this, too. I grew up in the Southeast and I was surrounded by them. I am very sorry that you had a therapist like this.

[Xynesthesia2]

I think cultural influences are everywhere and it is hard to remain unaffected. I think self-awareness and maturity usually helps to see it for what it is at least some, and to avoid falling into traps of such stereotypes, but it is hard to escape completely especially if one has always lived in the same kind of homogeneous culture. I very much thrive on cultural diversity and have suffered in many ways when I lived in very homogeneous, limited/limiting environments for a while, especially the kinds where my personality and conditioning did not fit in well. It also made me intensely frustrated and angry at times and I obviously clashed with my environment, including people, then I "resolved" it by avoiding and escaping in sometimes just not very progressive, other time self-destructive ways... I think it is also possible to be born and raised in a culture that is not very compatible with one's natural personality traits and preferences, knowing this, yet getting stuck in it and never breaking out. I don't know if this was your case, just remembered it as you report interpersonal and value clashes with significant people in your life and developmentally suppressing those parts that drive the conflicts, for the sake of fitting in and being agreeable. I was never able to suppress myself and adapt well in those periods in the past when my nature and the "nurture" around me were incompatible but I did not grow up that way, they were just a few years here and there that I freely chose myself for some reason and not considering the risks on mental health. Yet there were quite significant and lasting effects, especially from one of those periods. It's hard not to become snotty and antagonistic even if one is fully aware of the conflicts and has a well-integrated psyche that is able to perceive many sides of an issue. It is also hard not to feel hate for being externally suppressed and invalidated.