Have you ever lied in therapy or to your therapist?

this poll is based off a recent article that stopdog shared in regards to a study of clients who have admitted that they have either lied to or not been completely truthful with their therapists:

The truth about lies

*you can pick multiple answers*

I've lied about things that I was too embarrassed to admit. Also I've downplayed a good amount, lying about true feelings and used humor to cover up a lot. I admitted this to him not too long ago. Now I'm trying hard to say "everything and anything" like he wants me to. It's hard putting yourself out there.

Sometimes I'm afraid I'll slip and end up being dragged away to the psych ward. It probably wouldn't be so bad, actually. I need a vacation.

Primarily about alcohol use. But with that, it also came:

Yes, I've lied about how bad I really feel (due to the physical effects, shame and anxiety)
Yes, I've lied about my symptom severity (obvious)
Yes, I've lied about my insecurities and doubts about myself (that I would never beat the addiction)
Yes, I've lied about why I missed appointments/was late (I cancelled some due to being hangover or drunk and made up a reason or just canceled and no explanation)
Yes, I've pretended to find therapy more effective than I do (obvious)

If I did not have the alcohol relapses, I probably would not have lied about anything as I never had a problem talking about anything else. Also, virtually no symptoms when I am stably sober, or pretty mild (some anxiety). I really get the doubts and debates among therapists that there is little use for therapy when a client is in active substance addiction, especially if they lie about it. It colored and distorted everything for me and no amount of other honest introspection was truly useful with that problem in the center of everything and actually causing most of my other issues. I am not much of a liar sober, but active addicts are definitely some of the worst liars and manipulators. This is why I always say therapy would have been more effective for me if the Ts called me out on that BS. They certainly knew about my addiction, that was the first things I told them when I contacted. They did not know about the relapses but the way I juggled and distracted the whole therapy must have been full of red flags - I recognize those in my peers. Anyhow, I just think traditional weekly psychotherapy is mostly useless for active addiction, for many reasons.

This is on Reddit Psychotherapy too from the POV of their clinicians. I have lied a few times when it seemed like someone had to give in in an impasses, so I did. I have lied about understanding my T's POV when it really makes me upset. I have told a lie or two of omission - things I know about my T from a third party that I probably shouldn't. My T lies to me, flat-out, so I don't feel guilty particularly. I haven't lied to my T about anything of substance, and have shared more truth with him than any other human.

I omitted some truth that I didn’t trust the t to reveal because it made me look bad and was hard to admit to anyone. Maybe if I had lasted in t I’d have opened up fully, but we never got that far.

Apart from 'lies' like remembering some situation during a session and later realizing that I mixed up small parts, which I don't really think of as lies, stuff like that happens with human brains, the only real lie I've ever told my T was early on where I told him I'd call him in case my SUI got any worse. At that point I had already planned everything through and tried without calling him beforehand.

I don't think I have ever straight up lied to them. I may not have brought things up or said I was going okay when I was struggling. However, T learned that for me there was an I am doing okay as in doing pretty well all things considered. Then I also have the I am okay meaning I am putting one foot in front of the other I am pulling through even though I am struggling. She learned to ask more questions based on my facial expressions and body language. I dont consider it a lie though. I may answer something that I honestly believed was the truth and upon processing I realized I was wrong.

I have always told my T I will always answer anything truthfully. Even down to things like how much I drank since I know that in the industry it is known that most clients minimize their consumption. I may not bring up a topic but if asked I will always be honest.

Interesting that, thus far, the poll shows the predominant lie is about suicide. I have never hid or lied about my suicidal ideations. That was a topic I had discussed in great depth and length, not only with Ts but with virtually anyone interested and who brought up similar thoughts (like friends). That is an area I personally have no reservations, fears, shame... I can easily converse about it with just about anyone who is intelligent and thoughtful (but prefer not impulsively). I know that some Ts are afraid of this topic, avoid it, and prefer to send the medics or the police out when they hear about suicidal ideations rather than hearing and discussing themselves. It is understandable course, but all that will be sensed and known about clients and they will avoid talking about something that, IMO, should be a primal topic in psychotherapy. I personally believe that suicidal ideations are natural and it is more surprising if they never come up in someone's mind. It's more the extent of it, what context, and how people handle/react to the thoughts and feelings. Again, very sad that many Ts are unable/unwilling to handle such a basic human feature. I understand the responsibility factor(and fear, avoidance) but... some on, choosing that profession and not dealing with this one or just comfortably delegating it?! Very disappointing, at the minimum. Of course people are afraid of sharing such thoughts because it is generally not accepted and avoided in society.

I never told either of them anything that was not true. Any question has many different sorts of answers. As far as omission or secrets - more it was based on what I thought was relevant for them to know. If there was more that would have been useful to tell them, that was on them to explain what sorts of things one would find useful to tell a therapist versus what would not be.

no I do not lie to my treatment providers. it would defeat the purpose of therapy for me. I think of lieing in therapy as being the same as self sabotage, why would I pay hundreds-thousands of dollars a year for therapy and ask my insurance to pay what they pay if Im going to sit there and lie to my treatment providers. what a waste of my money my insurace's money and my treatment providers time.

instead what I do is be honest with my treatment providers and say "at this time I do not want to answer that question" or I say "Im not feeling the greatest but at the moment thats not what I want to talk about" or Im sorry but no I did not do the therapy home work this week, There were other things I wanted to get to this week,...)

I have also a time or two called my treatment provider and said "im not coming in today because Im just not in the mood for focusing on therapy today"

in other words in situations where it would be very easy to tell a lie sabotaging treatment I choose to not waste the session financially or otherwise by doing so.

there are so many people in this world that want to be in therapy for their problems and need therapy for their problems, that my treatment provider could be helping.

its just not worth it to me to waste my therapy time like that.

I usually omit things to not disclose how bad things are like SH or what extent is my SI at. I will say I SH, but not how badly or say I tried a coping skill like journaling or coloring beforehand when I didn't. Most of it's because I'm ashamed I didn't try harder not to give in and also I worry about involuntarily admitted if I disclose the entire truth of what's on my mind and my T will refuse to continue to work with me.

this is a very interesting point you have made. my ex-T also lied about things and for me it definilty diminished the level of trust that i had with him. eventually, because i knew he was not always truthful or forthcoming with me, similar to what you said, i no longer felt guilty or particularly obligated to be as honest with him in return. i suspect much of this came down because of the power struggle that was unfolding in the relationship.

i'm actually not surprised that suicidal ideation or suicide would be high on the topics to lie about. it was one that i lied about often with my ex-T for fear of being hospitalised or him terminating with me. he knew i had suicidal thoughts, but he never knew the extent of my ideation or that i even had a plan in place at point.

i agree with your observations. it's an incredibly taboo topic and my T seemed quite uncomfortable when i tried to bring it up. it took a long time for me to 'feel him out' before i could find the courage and start being honest about my thoughts and feelings, and even then i couldn't fully divulge the entire truth.

with the high rates of suicides world wide, it's quite worrisome that Ts are not handling this topic very well.

I sometimes lie by omission but eventually I do admit the truth. I do not pay T to not work through stuff I need to... sometimes I am stubborn and just won't talk though, it usually happens around breaks in therapy. Like I said, I bring it up eventually on my own terms though. I guess it might be a bit of a control thing. :P

Not that I can think of. That doesn’t mean I told them everything either. Not everything was relevant to therapy. I was pretty honest, even about things like my suicidal thoughts. I never found them unable to handle whatever I told them, so being untruthful with them wasn’t something I considered.

Never, I was the perfect client.

Yes, I did. For a long time I lied about being angry with her, after that first time when I got mad and hung up on her during a phone session. We worked it out, but after that it took me a long time before I was able to start telling her I was angry with her, so I pretended I wasn't and lied to her about it.

BTW if you go to the article link, on the right hand side of the article (where i sourced most of the questions for this poll) they provide the percentages from the answers of the study.

I've compromised the integrity of the poll. In my haste to admit to being a lying liar who lies, I inadvertently lied.

I don't fully reveal how bad I feel or the extent of my suicidal ideation. Sometimes I feel pressured to look like I'm "getting better," so I often try to appear more hopeful when I may just feel the same or worse. I often don't immediately object to some remarks my T makes, even when I think later and regret not telling her I actually disagreed in my head.

I downplayed a situation once because T was out of town and there was nothing he could do. I had not been working with T long enough for him to know the resources I had and it was a pretty bad situation by his standards. His fist session back I came clean first thing.

Previous therapists, I lied or downplayed a lot.

I put "other." I've lied to all my therapists in the past, but when I started seeing current T I made a commitment to myself not to lie to him. I don't lie directly, but I will omit things sometimes.

The bolded I do all the time. I exaggerate how helpful therapy is. Sometimes it is not near the truth.

would you be willing to elaborate on why you think you do this?

i was guilty of this as well because of my fear of upsetting my T, hurting his feelings, for appearing ungrateful, and the biggest fear, that he would abandon me if he didn't think he was helping me. but when the interventions were actually not helping me and making my symptoms worse or when i was feeling greatly misunderstood, i could no longer continue stroking my Ts ego in spite of my mental well being and shrinking bank account. it was scary to start asserting my needs and advocating myself. sometimes T was welcoming of my honest feedback, but then other times he was not and reacted with defensiveness or would withdraw his care...but that is a story for another thread.

i actually think that this happens quite often in the therapeutic relationship, but what i'm not sure of, and what worries me, is how aware are Ts that this is happening??

Maybe it’s not exactly lying. But I don’t tell her anything about my past because I don’t want her to judge me on how I was 5-13 years ago. I want to focus on what’s going on right now. So she doesn’t know much of my history and I have refused to have my records from my last clinic sent over.

I also lied and told her I was female instead of gender non binary because I felt like she wouldn’t have taken me seriously and just have told me I was confused. And that would just crush me because I know I’m not confused. So it was easier to lie.

I don't lie about much in therapy, but I do lie about how I feel a lot of the time saying I feel better than I really do and I also lie about the feeling of being hopeful a lot of times. I think if I would lie too much then why waste my time going to therapy at all because it would be effective at all.