[SummerTime12]

I wanna crawl in a hole and disappear after my session I just had... I shared some REALLY personal sexual stuff with him.

At first I was being really vague about the sexual thing I wanted to talk to him about, but he (gently) urged me to be more specific, as he felt it would help with shame since my trauma is pretty much all sexual. Also, he needed some context to understand what I was talking about.

So then I got more specific, but not so specific as to name the exact thing I was talking about. And strangely, even though he now had enough info that we could have a therapeutic discussion about it, I suddenly felt a strong need to tell him the specific thing I had in mind. I didn’t though. And now I’m confused and simultaneously feel like a shared too much and too little, even though I shared some super super personal stuff.

I literally just walked out at the end without even looking at him since I was so ashamed.

Idk what to do. Pull back next time I see him because I shared too much, or share the last tidbit of information even though it’s highly personal and specific and technically unnecessary?

ETA that the thing I was talking about was not a trauma related sex thing, it’s only relation to trauma is that it’s also sexual

[Lemoncake]

I think he knows how hard it was for you. You've been very brave and it's okay to go at a pace that's comfortable for you.

[Taylor27]

Hugs, I think he knows how hard it was for you to share that with him. I too will have to disclose some personal sexual stuff with my new therapist but it will be slow. Im sure he understands the shame and he will go at your own pace. KIt's not easy to share and im sure the next session will be good for the both of you. Im pretty sure he will help you feel less shame about this. Hugs you are very brave.

[SummerTime12]

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

I think he knows how hard it was for you. You've been very brave and it's okay to go at a pace that's comfortable for you.

Thank you for this! He’s ok going at my pace, my problem is that if there’s something I’m considering sharing, I tend to feel awful until I just finally tell him. I think he’s learned that by now, which is why he encourages me to share so much.

Originally Posted by Cheryl27

Hugs, I think he knows how hard it was for you to share that with him. I too will have to disclose some personal sexual stuff with my new therapist but it will be slow. Im sure he understands the shame and he will go at your own pace. KIt's not easy to share and im sure the next session will be good for the both of you. Im pretty sure he will help you feel less shame about this. Hugs you are very brave.

Thank you Cheryl, you’re brave too for getting ready to share this stuff with your t!
It’s so difficult that I literally said “let’s talk about trauma” in the middle of the discussion in an attempt to avoid it.

[coolibrarian]

A similar thing recently happened to me. I thought I had to talk to T about it (the thing I was trying to tell her.) because I couldn't stop thinking about it. I thought that maybe if I talked about it, it would get off my mind. I got very close to telling her about it, but then made justifications and rationalizations to myself, about it, and decided I didn't need OR want to talk about it, and we haven't discussed it since.
Maybe you need to talk about your shame, rather than the thing itself. Gentle hugs, if you want them.

[SummerTime12]

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

A similar thing recently happened to me. I thought I had to talk to T about it (the thing I was trying to tell her.) because I couldn't stop thinking about it. I thought that maybe if I talked about it, it would get off my mind. I got very close to telling her about it, but then made justifications and rationalizations to myself, about it, and decided I didn't need OR want to talk about it, and we haven't discussed it since.

Maybe you need to talk about your shame, rather than the thing itself. Gentle hugs, if you want them.

This is a good thought, thank you. I have a whole week to consider if I truly want to tell him or not, so I guess that’s good.

I sort of want to email him to ask if we’re still good after this session lol. Not in those words, but that would be the idea..
I’ve never done that before though so not sure how he’d react.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

This is a good thought, thank you. I have a whole week to consider if I truly want to tell him or not, so I guess that’s good.

I sort of want to email him to ask if we’re still good after this session lol. Not in those words, but that would be the idea..
I’ve never done that before though so not sure how he’d react.

I've done that a few times after sharing some particularly intense or shameful things with my T. It helped to get the reassurance. I know at least one of the times I said something like, "I hope you're not too weirded out by what I told you."