[nottrustin]

We tend to discuss our Ts faults and mistakes but what, if anything, does your therapist do right??

[Xynesthesia2]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

We tend to discuss our Ts faults and mistakes but what, if anything, does your therapist do right??

My second T was very professional about between sessions contact. Hard to find something about the first as he was very incompatible with me, but I liked how he was always exactly on time with starting and ending sessions, precisely 45 minutes and never late.

[ArtleyWilkins]

I found my therapists got it mostly right.

Consistency
Reliability
Responsiveness
Skill
Communication
Support

I honestly can't think of any particular faults or mistakes of any real consequence. Actually, I can't remember any mistakes specifically at all which speaks to the fact that they were relatively minor, easily resolved, and of no lasting effect on our work together. We worked together long-term, and when the time came, we parted ways and moved on for a variety of reasons.

[nottrustin]

Part of why I see Emdr T is because of my abandonment/ inability to trust people. I tend to question the authenticity of what they say

Last night (and in other situations) she made sure to clarify what she meant. For the best few months I have been asked to be a part of a committee at my church. It is something I have done in the past and enjoy as well as benefit greatly from. The problem is the meeting are the same night as my therapy appointments and 1 hour after. I travel an hour to and from appointments with her. We discussed how to make it work. She presented the option of me taking a break for the 3 months. She quickly said that is not what she wants but it is an appropriate option that she would support. She also said that she knows that for some people it could be interpreted as her not wanting to see them or needing a break. There was another similar conversation a bit later. Both times I told her I didnt interpret it that way. In reality though, during my appointments I understand and dont question these things but then I go home and start to question everything. Just her making that statement made a huge difference.

I can also talk to her about anything. Even when I bring up difficult topics she really tries to make me comfortable.i truly feel nothing is taboo for her. I may be uncomfortable but it us because of my issues

She is flexible. When other things conflict not with my actual appoint time but travel tune she us very open to doing Skype type (not actually Skype but HIPAA compliant).

She apologizes if she makes a mistake.

She accepts me for who I am.

She seems to know just how far to poke and prod.and when to back off

[LonesomeTonight]

For current T:
He's consistent in responding to emails--always replies in some way, nearly always within 24 hours, generally sooner.
He can take criticism and tries to improve as a result of it.
He gives genuine apologies if he's done something that upset me.
He pays attention to little details about me.

He's generally very prompt in retrieving me.
He'll let me go in for extra sessions if I need one and will generally have openings in his schedule.
He's honest with me if something I say or do bothers him (which bothered me at first, but now I realize the benefits, after ex-T and ex-MC not saying anything until they were really annoyed about something--T would let me know much earlier on).

[Omers]

Current T:
Compassionate
Authentic
He invests an amaizing amount of time and money into serious continuing education to be the best he can for his clients
He isn’t afraid to use touch appropriately
He took the time to do a detailed family chart to know what he is getting into
He is human and let’s me see it
He is really great at getting me unstuck when I freeze
He has a ton of things in his “toolbox” for when I get stagnant stuck in our work
He breaks thing like emotions down for me into smaller and smaller bits until I understand or they are small enough to be safe
He isn’t intimidated by my knowledge of psychology or my memory
He is amaizing at paying attention to detail.....

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

He listens to me and takes my opinion and thoughts into consideration. If I criticizes something and can argue my point, he will change how he acts or responds to certain things. But at the same time he doesn't just react to everything I do or say, and he manages to have some emotional distance, which is important for me.
He makes time for me whenever I need extra contact and he's usually consistent about when he's around, when not, as well as session times and all that.
He's overall very consistent and stable, which I really appreciate.

[coolibrarian]

My T is:
Consistent
Reliable
Responsive
Skilled
Supportive
Compassionate

My T is a good communicator:
She listens to me.
She apologizes when she's wrong or has hurt me.

My T pays attention:
She manages to follow all my digressions in session.
She remembers almost all details of my life. I say "almost" because we've been working together for 30 years, and there is a lot to remember!

My T gets me!

[stopdog]

Every so often the woman managed to just sit there, stay back and not make anything worse.

[kaleidoscopeheart]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

We tend to discuss our Ts faults and mistakes but what, if anything, does your therapist do right??

My T understands me and how I operate. He knows when to challenge me, when to back off, and when to just be supportive and understanding. He's consistent, caring, compassionate, and is often able to get what I am saying when I can't even say the words.

[SheHulk07]

My current T knows to listen and not be judgemental. He also remembers practically everything I've told him for the past year. He tells me I can contact him between sessions and has had phone sessions with me when I couldn't be there physically while in the hospital.
If I do call him he calls me back the same day or will text me if he's unable to. He's provided extra sessions if I need to.
He picks up and calls me out on things I do during session like wringing my hands or if I go silent.

[Amyjay]

She is exceptionally consistent within session and from one session to the next
She has an excellent memory and follows the thread of continuity from session to session. She remembers everything.
She is very observant and picks up on subtle changes and shifts between alters.
She cleverly helps us to get grounded when we dissociate (many times per session)
She actively and deliberately cultivates a sense of safety in our therapy.
She is consistent with her boundary setting and self care. She is clear and fair about limits and what she will or won't do.
She is so incredibly consistent. I can count on her to be exactly the same every session. She is predictable, immensely stable, and fully present every minute of every session.
If she ever need to be away on our session day she will ensure I can come on another day.
When she is going away for a vacation she always lets me know months in advance and sets up alternative support for me.

I just love her consistency. I have never had a T as reliable and steady as she is. I didn't realise how important that consistency is for my until now.

[LostOnTheTrail]

Consistency
Proximity
Safety

[Spirit of Trees]

My T is supportive, but willing to challenge my assumptions and thoughts. She's warm, I feel welcome and safe in her presence. She does her best to work with me at my pace and apologizes sincerely when she makes mistakes. She pays close attention to what I'm saying. She also doesn't take what I say personally.

[Polibeth]

My T is very consistent, an excellent listener and responds to out of contact communication extremely well. She also will text my pdoc if she has any concerns.

[SummerTime12]

My t does a lot of things right, I feel pretty lucky to have him.
He’s consistent, kind, and honest. He’s really good at reading me and picking up on subtleties that no one else would notice. Whenever he makes a mistake, he genuinely apologizes and doesn’t get defensive. He’s really good at handling anything I bring to the table, even if it’s how I feel about him.

[SalingerEsme]

M, my T, embraces that trauma work is messy, and is forgiving of me and himself. He is insightful and has a beautiful turn of phrase that often stay with me. He is very funny, with a black humor that genuinely makes me laugh in the midst of struggle. He is very experienced with life, live, and listening, so that his calm makes me calm. He is also quite a character, with idiosyncrasies . He is really preppy, like from a gone by time , with lovely manners . He is rock solid on professional boundaries.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

M, my T, embraces that trauma work is messy, and is forgiving of me and himself. He is insightful and has a beautiful turn of phrase that often stay with me. He is very funny, with a black humor that genuinely makes me laugh in the midst of struggle. He is very experienced with life, live, and listening, so that his calm makes me calm. He is also quite a character, with idiosyncrasies . He is really preppy, like from a gone by time , with lovely manners . He is rock solid on professional boundaries.

One of the things I have started to really like is my Ts sense of humor. We have discussed black humor and how it can be very effective for both of us as a stress reliever.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

One of the things I have started to really like is my Ts sense of humor. We have discussed black humor and how it can be very effective for both of us as a stress reliever.

My T also has a rather dark sense of humor, which I appreciate, and he can be quite sarcastic. It can help with the connection to laugh together in session--and I like it when I can make him laugh.

There was a T I saw once for a consult, and she laughed at like every other thing I said, which was a bit too much (I'm not *that* funny, though I imagine I was making more jokes than usual, as I was nervous).

[DP_2017]

While many here are not fans of my long term T.... He did really help me, the way he connected with me, although many see it as "unethical" or "damaging" was the smartest thing he did for someone as avoidant as me, I was able to really and truly trust him and feel comfortable with him. I got through losing my dog better than I dreamed because I felt the comfort of knowing he would be there for me.

So many things in that relationship we had would be "right" in my book... and honestly the only thing he did really "Wrong" was leave me the way he did.


Baby T was pretty great until he got cocky. What I liked about him was he didn't do any out of session contact, he accepted and never judged my T situation and he was a pretty great listener, he even gave me legit homework, which was helpful.

T3.... He would probably be the "best T" of all of them in a professional/helpful with issues sense but he's also the most guarded and the hardest to read. What I do like is that, he asks questions in a way no other T ever has, and it has stopped me in my tracks so much that I cry every time I see him. That's not normal for me. I also like that he gives me a 5 min warning before the session ends. He handles being called names and me being angry with him very well too.

[nottrustin]

DP much of the relationship I had with T would have been highly frowned upon by people here and most professionals. We crossed most boundaries. The relationship worked and we accomplished a lot. She was what I needed to open up and accept me for who I am without all the shame and guilt.

EMDR T and I have discussed it a few times and she knows that T and I had an unique relationship and they spoke on the phone a few times. Emdr T says that because of my history I needed somebody willing to break some of the rules in order for me to be able to trust. Everything T did was because she cared and wanted to help me.

Her death has been horrifically painful but I am who I am today because of her willingness to do what I needed.

[susannahsays]

• She is receptive to my anger.
• She isn't stupid.
• She will counter things I say that she disagrees with using arguments that I can appreciate - meaning that she makes appeals to logic rather than emotion, because she knows I value that.
• She is capable of apologizing, but also hasn't apologized every single time I was angry just to smooth things over. Disingenuous apologies do not pacify me and are a pet peeve.
• She doesn't sugar coat everything and tell me what an amazing person I am all the time and act like I can do no wrong.

[WarmFuzzySocks]

My t is warm and engaging and experienced and such, but what she’s really excelled at has been giving me the time and space to do my own work. She’s pushed some when she judged it might be helpful, but not rushed as I wrestled with coming to my own terms with the things that brought me to therapy.

It concerns me that I find it so hard to answer this question, not because it indicates that she is a bad therapist (although ...), but because it might indicate how hard I find it to sift through my negative projections to truly see her. In turn, I realise how uncomfortably I sit in relation with her (and others).

She's commited and she bounces back.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

DP much of the relationship I had with T would have been highly frowned upon by people here and most professionals. We crossed most boundaries. The relationship worked and we accomplished a lot. She was what I needed to open up and accept me for who I am without all the shame and guilt.

EMDR T and I have discussed it a few times and she knows that T and I had an unique relationship and they spoke on the phone a few times. Emdr T says that because of my history I needed somebody willing to break some of the rules in order for me to be able to trust. Everything T did was because she cared and wanted to help me.

Her death has been horrifically painful but I am who I am today because of her willingness to do what I needed.

I am glad you get it, although I feel bad complaining about missing him at all when I think of your situation, I couldn't imagine him dying, although, now I'll never know if/when that happens anyway