Group Therapy Struggles

Hi guys, I am curious if any of you have experienced similar situations in group therapy.

I’m feeling triggered by a member in my substance abuse program who blames her addiction on trauma and continues to blame her family for the trauma they caused which led her to drink. She also blames them for the traumatic way in which they got her into treatment.

I have been struggling because it seems like she blames everyone and everything but herself and I don’t know how to validate her emotions while also challenging herself to own her part - she is the alcoholic. I try to be sensitive to her experiences but without going into too much detail here because I need to protect her privacy, I don’t know how to handle the situation. It has been months and she continues to spiral and look at everything from the mindset that everyone but herself is to blame. Is there a way I can challenge her without getting kicked out of the group? It’s just starting to really trigger and irritate me. Please tell me if I’m being cruel and/or unreasonable. My empathy just wears thin with people who don’t acknowledge their own responsibility. It’s not that I don’t see how much trauma she’s been through, it’s just that it gets old after awhile to hear how it’s everyone else’s fault all the time. I don’t understand how she will be able to get the help she needs if she doesn’t control what SHE can control - HERSELF.

This needs to be discussed with the therapist who leads the group. And if you do bring it up in group, remember, the subject is really your own reaction to the situation. Why does this trigger you, etc.? I’d start by speaking privately with the therapist in charge.

My suggestion is to leave her alone. Trust that she will find her way in her own time. Let her be. It’s really the kindest and most compassionate thing you can do both for her and for yourself. Figure out how you can use this situation to further your own personal growth and healing.

We can only see things within others that we see within ourselves. This is true for both positive and negative characteristics. The traits we tend to dislike in others are usually the traits we do not like about ourselves. So ask yourself what this group member is teaching you about yourself.

It was Carl Jung who said: “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” Like they say, everyone you come into contact with is your mirror.

Personally, I think you have a fantastic opportunity for self-growth and healing if you turn inward and focus in on yourself! It doesn’t get any better than this! I wish you all the best as you move forward.

I would bring it up to the group leader and see if they had suggestions or why they might not be encouraging the other group member to look at their part of the addiction. I have to say that I too would be bothered by it and, more than likely, not as kind as I should be. I have addictions up and down both sides of my family and a nasty trauma history. Sometimes when my son stresses me out I choose to self medicate with carbs, sugar and caffeine... and then feel like crap for three days after... but I am still the one who bought, paid for and ate all the junk.

I agree with you to a certain extent. I do see things inside her that remind me of myself. However, if I were her, I’d want to be called out on my $&@# because I don’t think it helps to just play the same tape in our heads and not own our parts in it. I don’t agree that we only see parts in others that are true about ourselves - honestly that doesn’t make sense to me. Why do we see therapists if that were the case? What benefit would they be?

I wonder if she's done a bunch of AA/12-step programs? As one of their main concepts (from my understanding) is that a person is powerless against alcohol/drugs. So maybe she's gotten that in her head and then taken it to mean that it's other people's fault? ddPlus addiction is complicated. I'm sure the trauma she suffered likely played a big role. Maybe she needs to go through a phase of blaming others before she can take responsibility?


I'd talk to the group leader privately, as others have suggested. I don't think calling her out in group will end particularly well.

I do think you should bring it up to the group therapist. Maybe the group setting is not where she is able to be right now. She might need more one on one then group for now. I don't think calling her out will do anything but make things allot worse. It's very hard when there has been lots of trauma and maybe the group therapist needs to be more aware of her situation.