Do you feel safe talking about sex with your therapist?

I tested my T to see if she was uncomfortable and in fact asked quickly if it bothered her, but it was fine. Uncomfortable happens but I think it is part of Therapy and personal growth.

I have a hard time talking to T about sex. It's not that a feel unsafe, it's more that it's embarrassing for me to talk about sex to anyone. My family talks about their sexual experiences, but I don't talk about mine. I have talked to T about sex even though I'm embarrassed. In fact, I've told T my darkest secret which is about sex. I first tested her out with similar situations asking her if she would judge me. Finally, I got the courage and wrote it down on paper for her. She didn't judge me, least it hasn't seemed that way. And I've talked to her about it a few times, but I always talk about it in a roundabout way. I can't bring myself to say it outloud. I've also asked her a few questions about sex that I was curious about, but didn't have anyone I felt I could ask. She's handled those just fine.

L, on the other hand, I don't feel comfortable with talking to her about sex. I will never tell another soul about my secret. And I just don't have the guts to ask her any questions. I guess she knows a little about my sex life because she did ask if my husband now sleeping in bed increased our intimacy and I said no.

In 17yrs I've never spoken about sexual matters apart from the SA as a younger person.
In the here and now, I find myself mute.

I've decided that I can pick around the edges and leave it at that.
My history and silence around that remains.

@susannahsays: I am somewhat similar, except I related or associate my desires/drive/interest to be similar to tribal rituals or rituals of passage. I know our culture does not have any such sanctioned activities, many other cultures do and have throughout time. There's something about pushing oneself to limits in here. I also find it quite centering. It's a very internal experience for me.


As far as talking about sex or kink things - generally, I don't have a problem talking about these things if I am in a group of people with similar interests or friends. With T, there's so much maternal transference going on, that all these things seem too adult to talk with her about. We do talk about some stuff and I journal about much more. I do feel that when we talk about it very much, she starts to treat me as if I'm older than I feel at times and that she is not as able to flow (keep up) with those changes inside me.

I saw a therapist for a couple of times as a consult around these topics. This T is in the local kink community and has been for more than 20 yrs. Mostly, I was trying to find out if I can/could/should use the kink world as a way to more actively explore some of the age related things coming up for me in therapy. In the end, I have yet to find a place within the kink world that feels like it is what I need to explore the age related stuff.

I talk about sex with pretty much everyone, so it wouldn't really be an issue for me.

Safe? Yes, I think so. I was able to talk about sexual matters with my therapist, both past abusive sexual experiences and present marital and personal ones.

Comfortable? Heck no! It was always uncomfortable. It wouldn't have mattered who the therapist was, what their gender was, etc. It is just a topic I'm always a bit uncomfortable talking to another person about.

My last therapist was probably the easiest to talk to about it . . . in relative terms. He handled such conversations rather matter-of-factly, which helped normalize the discussions. Still uncomfortable, but tolerable.

I can easily talk about sex with anyone interested and who has an open mind, for me it is just a topic like any other. Did not do much of it in therapy simply because I don't have issues around sex or my sexuality. One thing that was a turnoff when I did though was a Ts judgment about open relationships and friends with benefits. He seemed to think that those are signs that a relationship is not healthy and people don't want to take responsibility - IMO, it is often the complete opposite when there is mutual respect, agreement and good management of safety in such relationships. Someone the T did not seem to understand that sex for the sake of sex can actually be very healthy and enhance a relationship where the main focus and drive is not really romantic, given that it is consensual and everyone involved benefits from it.

I often think that many forms of kink can actually be some of the best ways to explore one's (even darker) psychological needs, fantasies and drives far behind merely sexual, in some of the healthiest ways possible. Including acting out and satisfying some very primal and young needs in safe ways, I think it can be safer that therapy often is. I would also be a bit shocked if a T did not have even such basic understanding of psychology and human drives that they make negative judgments about unconventional interests, by default.

I wonder if he would have held the same judgement had you been a man. Maybe he would, but society does have such a double standard on this topic that it makes me wonder if he would have found a man having sex outside the confines of a committed and exclusive relationship anything to remark on.

Yes, that is possible. Also because there was some subtle and unspoken but very detectable mutual attraction going on with that T and he is a straight man. Maybe he found it unpleasant to hear that I don't necessarily put all of my interests on one object of desire and do not expect that from others either. That T seemed quite open-minded in many other ways so I am not sure.

Definitely not a topic I'm comfortable talking about with T but since I don't have sex it doesn't come up.

I’m not. I don’t have sex though so I feel like I would just sound weird. I honestly think my therapist is kinda attractive and it’s making me uncomfortable and I just refuse to go there with anyone. Some things I just don’t talk about with her. There’s about 4 things I don’t talk about and don’t plan on talking about and that’s one of them.

Yes. My therapist is very safe to talk to about everything. Because I had DID and a lot of the ptsd stuff was caused by sexual abuse, sex comes up sometimes.

Yes I did. He was the only non-friend I would share it with too.

Safe, Yes. Since the majority of my abuse centered around sexual abuse I pretty much have to open up about it. It isn't fun, but if I want to work through tough things I have to go there.

I am comfortable with my T talking about my past sexual relationships, problems etc. If it were presently happening it maybe a different feeling. I also did not need a in depth explanation of each sexual experience to be validated etc .

If it is sexual abuse of sorts then maybe a specialist would need to be consulted for that experience. Not sure how I would feel but have heard that therapist do specialize in fields like this.