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  #26  
Old Jul 02, 2019, 03:40 PM
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SummerTime12 SummerTime12 is offline
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@InnerPeace111, He’s not willing to do marriage counseling at this point, but as of today he is open to trying other things.

I saw my t today again (also went yesterday) and he told me to just keep being assertive and sharing how I feel. So I told my husband I was still really hurt and that in order for me to be happy in our relationship, something has to change (better communication, no name calling, calm communication, and more care and support are the things I told him). He responded a little better this time, although he still kept bringing up how he felt pressured and doesn’t want me to think he’s the only one in the wrong.

But overall it was an improvement. He suggested we do the activity where whoever is holding an item gets to speak, and go to church regularly. He said church helps him. So we’re going to try that and see what happens. But he was also saying how it would help him if I ask him for stuff in advance and try not to repeat stuff...

Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays View Post
Seems like he thinks you are the problem, and that his behavior is your responsibility to manage.


As for caring about you, I have no idea, but you can care about someone and also be bad for them. If he does care about you, his behavior is really at odds with that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
Maybe you and your t are operating under the wrong assumption.


Sorry if i sound grumpy, but i had an h who thought he was doing me a favor being married to me, and that he never had to do another thing for me ever. If i was unhappy, i could leave. He had everything he wanted - his friends, -- well, that was about it. So yeah i left.

These are really good points from both of you. I have a lot to think about. Although my t said I don’t deserve to be treated this way, I still feel like he’s not taking the situation as seriously as I would have hoped? Maybe it’s because people here had stronger reactions, or maybe it’s because he doesn’t fully understand our history. I did tell my t today that there’s a lot of things like this that go on with my husband that I don’t tell t about. Like I know my t believes it’s an issue, but I don’t know if he understands how much of a toll it’s taking on me. He said today (I didn’t bring this up) that leaving my husband would be an overreaction, which bothered me for some reason even though leaving wasn’t on my radar atm.
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight

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  #27  
Old Jul 02, 2019, 06:32 PM
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susannahsays susannahsays is offline
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I don't understand your therapist.
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  #28  
Old Jul 02, 2019, 06:52 PM
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SalingerEsme SalingerEsme is offline
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It hurts my heart how much you doubted your own interpretation, and I wish your H had been there for you. It seems like your T compounded that, by not being there for you as emphatically as you need him to be?
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Living things don’t all require/ light in the same degree. Louise Gluck
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight
  #29  
Old Jul 02, 2019, 09:08 PM
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velcro003 velcro003 is offline
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I think it would bother me as well if my T said that leaving would be an overreaction. It feels judgmental somehow.
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight
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