Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLI

Jul 23, 2019 at 04:02 AM

Everything is awful without you.

Omers · Jul 23, 2019 at 09:44 AM

T? Can we stay here for a while? There is a lot here and I never knew about it before you. I can hear you telling me we can stay here as long as I need but I still may need to hear it IRL.

penguinh · Jul 23, 2019 at 10:53 AM

I did something I should not have done last night... hehe

Echos Myron redux · Jul 23, 2019 at 05:23 PM

So some stuff has gone down today that I have found upsetting, and someone just emailed me, at 11pm "Echos, would you like to talk?" And it brought tears to my eyes, but I'm also annoyed with this person, and also it's 11pm, so... no I don't.

Then I read last week's IST (which I wrote up and never posted on PC) and I remembered how much you understood the importance of the memory I shared with you, and I remembered what you said about my ex's feelings towards me. And I felt it all again, all the love, loss, pain, and love for you, the only person who really knows what that all meant to me. Now my ex is dead, you are the only person who I could ever share those memories with. Why am I here in this situation? Why am I doing the job I am doing? Why am I a mother? A wife? Why do I live in this town? Why do I do the things I do? What is the meaning of any of this? Is this who I am supposed to be? I know you can't answer these questions. Maybe they don't have answers.

Jul 23, 2019 at 06:31 PM

ExT I am speechless you lead me to believe you werent seeing clients any more. You demanded honesty from me but you failed to be honest.

Jul 23, 2019 at 08:42 PM

drumming is wonderful and i am coming down from the anxiety of the past several days. i hope you will drum for me some thursday, as well. i want to work with last night's dream but i need someone else to drum for me so i can better get into it. and then we can work with both. and if you have any solid tips for dealing with this stupid anxiety, please put on your traditional t hat and share.

velcro003 · Jul 23, 2019 at 08:47 PM

I feel ya on working on the anxiety, art. I'm struggling big time with it as well.

hey t: I never thought we'd discuss/work on eye contact. at least you are trying to make it as non-threatening as possible I suppose.

Jul 24, 2019 at 02:42 AM

What did I do so wrong that you never want to see me again?

Lemoncake · Jul 24, 2019 at 09:37 AM

Possible trigger:

1. My grandmother is really ill in ICU.

Jul 24, 2019 at 09:52 AM

Hugs, Lemoncake.

SlumberKitty · Jul 24, 2019 at 10:58 AM

Hugs @Lemoncake

SlumberKitty · Jul 24, 2019 at 11:00 AM

Dear T: I'm having SH thoughts again. I wish I could talk to you about them. I mean, I probably will when I see you on Tuesday, but I meant before then. You keep telling me we need to find a viable alternative. Well you didn't use the word viable but that's what you meant. I've never been able to find a viable alternative to SH and I've been doing this too long. Can you help me? Please tell me you can, but only if you mean it. Kit

Lrad123 · Jul 24, 2019 at 01:08 PM

You stifled a yawn today. I saw that. It’s ok. You’re human. Plus I was just rambling on.

Echos Myron redux · Jul 24, 2019 at 01:28 PM

Today you sat with my despair. You didn't try to change it, you didnt rescue me (though you later told me you had to resist the urge to try and make it better), you just let me be in it, get it all out, the dark thoughts, the uncertainty, the sadness and the anger. You didn't try to make it better. And so you made it better. More bearable. Shared. I love you.

Jul 24, 2019 at 04:20 PM

Yeah I'm bringing wine tomorrow. K? K.

SummerTime12 · Jul 25, 2019 at 01:22 AM

My husband doesn’t want me.

Possible trigger:

I ****ing hate myself so much and feel so ugly and worthless right now. He’s turned me down every single time I’ve initiated for the last 2 years. And yet literally any time he wants sex, I’m down without any hesitation, even if it’s the middle of the night and I was sleeping. I feel pathetic and like I must be a special kind of hideous that my husband isn’t attracted to me even when I’m putting my whole self out there, if you get what I mean. Why the **** do I have to look like this, if I was better, would he want me?

Jul 25, 2019 at 02:30 AM

ExT I am deeply conflicted I want to cling to you but I also want to push you away. It is soo hard.

junkDNA · Jul 25, 2019 at 05:10 AM

Hey

I luv ya

LostOnTheTrail · Jul 25, 2019 at 08:52 AM

Thank you for helping me not have to sit with that today. It wouldn't have made sense to sit with it for another two weeks.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 25, 2019 at 01:27 PM

Dear T,
Felt really connected to you today--thank you. Perhaps it will make me miss you more, but I think it will also help me to hold you with me better while you're gone. Also you were quite endearing when demonstrating ways I could better pretend play with my D, using the voice you'd use to talk to a child--perhaps that spoke to and comforted Little LT in a way. Travel safely, if you're in fact traveling.
Love you,
LT

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLI

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Anonymous42961 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 23, 2019 at 04:02 AM #221 Everything is awful without you.
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Omers Grand Magnate Member Since Nov 2010 Location: Crimson cattery Posts: 3,512 13 3,133 hugs given	Jul 23, 2019 at 09:44 AM #222 T? Can we stay here for a while? There is a lot here and I never knew about it before you. I can hear you telling me we can stay here as long as I need but I still may need to hear it IRL. __________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night
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penguinh Veteran Member Member Since Dec 2013 Location: Canada Posts: 692 10 119 hugs given	Jul 23, 2019 at 10:53 AM #223 I did something I should not have done last night... hehe __________________
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Anonymous42961 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 23, 2019 at 06:31 PM #225 ExT I am speechless you lead me to believe you werent seeing clients any more. You demanded honesty from me but you failed to be honest.
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velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Jul 23, 2019 at 08:47 PM #227 I feel ya on working on the anxiety, art. I'm struggling big time with it as well. hey t: I never thought we'd discuss/work on eye contact. at least you are trying to make it as non-threatening as possible I suppose.
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Anonymous42961 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 24, 2019 at 02:42 AM #228 What did I do so wrong that you never want to see me again?
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Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Seattle. Posts: 9,760 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Jul 24, 2019 at 09:37 AM #229 Possible trigger: 1. My grandmother is really ill in ICU. __________________
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Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 24, 2019 at 09:52 AM #230 Hugs, Lemoncake.
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Jul 24, 2019 at 10:58 AM #231 Hugs @Lemoncake __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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Lrad123 Poohbah Member Since Nov 2017 Location: United States Posts: 1,332 6 372 hugs given	Jul 24, 2019 at 01:08 PM #233 You stifled a yawn today. I saw that. It’s ok. You’re human. Plus I was just rambling on.
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Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,162 6 1,834 hugs given	Jul 24, 2019 at 01:28 PM #234 Today you sat with my despair. You didn't try to change it, you didnt rescue me (though you later told me you had to resist the urge to try and make it better), you just let me be in it, get it all out, the dark thoughts, the uncertainty, the sadness and the anger. You didn't try to make it better. And so you made it better. More bearable. Shared. I love you.
	Reply With Quote

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 24, 2019 at 04:20 PM #235 Yeah I'm bringing wine tomorrow. K? K.
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Anonymous42961 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 25, 2019 at 02:30 AM #237 ExT I am deeply conflicted I want to cling to you but I also want to push you away. It is soo hard.
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junkDNA Comfy Sedation Member Since Sep 2012 Location: the woods Posts: 19,301 (SuperPoster!) 11 8,149 hugs given	Jul 25, 2019 at 05:10 AM #238 Hey I luv ya __________________
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