Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLI

LostOnTheTrail · Jul 06, 2019 at 11:02 AM

Understanding how the situation happened doesn't make it any easier to deal with the consequences. It's helpful that you said I can email, but I'm not exactly sure what I would say at this point. The re-experiencing is the worst part.

susannahsays · Jul 06, 2019 at 01:39 PM

I want to delete! Everything is horrible!

NP_Complete · Jul 06, 2019 at 02:26 PM

I don't think I'm fit for this world anymore. I can't even handle a short 5 day vacation. How am I going to deal with 11 days especially when you're leaving right before my trauma anniversary? I feel so pathetic right now and I just want to do something bad.

Lemoncake · Jul 06, 2019 at 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

I don't think I'm fit for this world anymore. I can't even handle a short 5 day vacation. How am I going to deal with 11 days especially when you're leaving right before my trauma anniversary? I feel so pathetic right now and I just want to do something bad.

Hey,

Sent you a PM.

SlumberKitty · Jul 06, 2019 at 03:29 PM

OMG. I so totally love you right now. How can this be?

Echos Myron redux · Jul 06, 2019 at 07:07 PM

I miss you... your hug...your love... and I'm also annoyed with you.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 06, 2019 at 07:50 PM

Dear Backup T/R,
Thanks for writing back to me, even though, as you said, you don't usually reply on weekends. Not sure how to feel about the Brene Brown video, as I'm uncertain how I feel about her in general, but guess I'll watch it?

Thanks,
LT

LonesomeTonight · Jul 06, 2019 at 08:23 PM

Dear T,
I wish I could tell you about what's really in my head right now but you're on vacation so I can't. I did reach out to backup T, and I really appreciate that she replied, but not sure the Brene Brown video she shared was that helpful. I guess it's nice and all, but not hitting me where I am right now. I miss you so much and wish I could talk to you, as I imagine a brief conversation could help resolve the thing between us right now. I guess I just need to get through the next...ugh, 39 hours is a lot. I hope that maybe you reply to my email sometime before our session, even if it's like 9 a.m. Monday.

LT

DP_2017 · Jul 06, 2019 at 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Dear Backup T/R,
Thanks for writing back to me, even though, as you said, you don't usually reply on weekends. Not sure how to feel about the Brene Brown video, as I'm uncertain how I feel about her in general, but guess I'll watch it?

Thanks,
LT

that was nice of her but I am not a BB fan myself, her voice annoys me. A lot of people love her though

DP_2017 · Jul 06, 2019 at 08:46 PM

t3

It's super annoying that this huge life changing thing is something only you can know about, T needs to know, not you. This is frustrating and I hate realizing that in a sense, I've replaced him with you. More anger at you right now. Enjoy lol

NP_Complete · Jul 06, 2019 at 11:38 PM

This is all there is.

Jul 07, 2019 at 12:09 AM

pweez come visit my dreams tonight okay? okay. thank you.

Lemoncake · Jul 07, 2019 at 12:21 AM

My exam is in two days and all i can think about is you and i can't stop crying.

Possible trigger:

In my current mindset I am a danger to myself. The last two times I have self harmed were linked to you.

Jul 07, 2019 at 12:47 AM

I spent 9 years telling you stuff that was happening in my life and I just cant suddenly stop doing that. I hope you understand saving emails to draft just isn't cutting it anymore. Neither is sending them to a fake address for you

Lemoncake · Jul 07, 2019 at 06:30 AM

Why can't I just leave?

It's because I want to believe that we can fix this, but I'm scared you'd refuse to see me if I skip more sessions just three weeks before you go on a 1 month holiday.

But being in therapy now is causing me so much pain. You're hurting me

Spirit of Trees · Jul 07, 2019 at 06:42 AM

I've been coping ok, but I'm getting tired of waiting for my upcoming appt. I want to talk to you & continue with the exposure exercises.

kaleidoscopeheart · Jul 07, 2019 at 07:02 AM

I'm scared to talk to you about this. I have been in a bad place before but this is by far the worst. I can't help but wonder if you even going to care....I doubt it. No one else seems to.

Jul 07, 2019 at 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

My exam is in two days and all i can think about is you and i can't stop crying.

Possible trigger:

In my current mindset I am a danger to myself. The last two times I have self harmed were linked to you.

Stay safe, dear Lemoncake. Hugs

nottrustin · Jul 07, 2019 at 12:37 PM

So as part of hubby and I weekend plan of doing day trips to places we have never visited in the state yesterday we ended up at the beach in your town as well as the restaurant I tild you my college friend owns. It is gorgeous there but holy tourists from out of state.

Since we are attending church at the various places we visit this year we decided to attend mass in your area. Since there are three in your cluster it was a little anxiety provoking. What if you and your family were there?? The rational part of me knew that it would be fine. Part of me worried that I would see you veing somebody different than I think you are. Another part worried you would think I was stalking you for which I realize would likely never cross my mind if not for PC. In the end I am pretty sure you were not there.

susannahsays · Jul 07, 2019 at 01:37 PM

Are you going to be there tomorrow or what

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susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Jul 06, 2019 at 01:39 PM #62 I want to delete! Everything is horrible! __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold
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NP_Complete Grand Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: the upside down Posts: 3,808 7 6,355 hugs given	Jul 06, 2019 at 02:26 PM #63 I don't think I'm fit for this world anymore. I can't even handle a short 5 day vacation. How am I going to deal with 11 days especially when you're leaving right before my trauma anniversary? I feel so pathetic right now and I just want to do something bad.
	Reply With Quote

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Jul 06, 2019 at 03:29 PM #65 OMG. I so totally love you right now. How can this be? __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,161 6 1,834 hugs given	Jul 06, 2019 at 07:07 PM #66 I miss you... your hug...your love... and I'm also annoyed with you.
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LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,783 (SuperPoster!) 9 75k hugs given	Jul 06, 2019 at 07:50 PM #67 Dear Backup T/R, Thanks for writing back to me, even though, as you said, you don't usually reply on weekends. Not sure how to feel about the Brene Brown video, as I'm uncertain how I feel about her in general, but guess I'll watch it? Thanks, LT
	Reply With Quote

DP_2017 Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2017 Location: A house Posts: 4,412 6 665 hugs given	Jul 06, 2019 at 08:46 PM #70 t3 It's super annoying that this huge life changing thing is something only you can know about, T needs to know, not you. This is frustrating and I hate realizing that in a sense, I've replaced him with you. More anger at you right now. Enjoy lol __________________ Grief is the price you pay for love.
	Reply With Quote

NP_Complete Grand Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: the upside down Posts: 3,808 7 6,355 hugs given	Jul 06, 2019 at 11:38 PM #71 This is all there is.
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Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 07, 2019 at 12:09 AM #72 pweez come visit my dreams tonight okay? okay. thank you.
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Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,709 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Jul 07, 2019 at 12:21 AM #73 My exam is in two days and all i can think about is you and i can't stop crying. Possible trigger: In my current mindset I am a danger to myself. The last two times I have self harmed were linked to you. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."
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Anonymous42961 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 07, 2019 at 12:47 AM #74 I spent 9 years telling you stuff that was happening in my life and I just cant suddenly stop doing that. I hope you understand saving emails to draft just isn't cutting it anymore. Neither is sending them to a fake address for you
	Reply With Quote

Spirit of Trees Member Member Since May 2019 Location: Earth Posts: 189 4 111 hugs given	Jul 07, 2019 at 06:42 AM #76 I've been coping ok, but I'm getting tired of waiting for my upcoming appt. I want to talk to you & continue with the exposure exercises.
	Reply With Quote

kaleidoscopeheart Member Member Since Apr 2017 Location: Parts Unknown Posts: 333 7 77 hugs given	Jul 07, 2019 at 07:02 AM #77 I'm scared to talk to you about this. I have been in a bad place before but this is by far the worst. I can't help but wonder if you even going to care....I doubt it. No one else seems to.
	Reply With Quote

susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Jul 07, 2019 at 01:37 PM #80 Are you going to be there tomorrow or what __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold
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