Who has been in the situation where your T has discharged you and everything felt like it had a conclusion and there were no loose ends and most of all you did not feel abandoned? I would like my ExT to apologise for botching my termination as I was totally unaware that that was what we were doing? I thought we were talking about something else altogether.
You can tell me about your termination stories good or bad I am just interested in people's experience

[ScarletPimpernel]

I've only experienced one good termination. I saw this T for about 4 years and then we tapered down to nothing. Then she gave me notice that she was transferring to a different job. I asked if I could see her again until she left, and she agreed. I don't remember much about the last session. She gave me her email address and a little fairy. I don't remember anything bad. Just sad. She was probably my first real T.

[Omers]

Oddly, the only OK termination I had was after a huge rupture with a T I had seen for three years and HATED. We had always gone to the same church and over time developed a dual relationship, still didn’t like her. There was a misunderstanding and she blew up on me (after all the crap I gave her I had it coming, I just wish it had been over something more legitimate). We met the following session and she was eager to heal the rupture. She told me we needed to stop having a dual relationship and wanted to just be my T. Much to my surprise and hers I declined saying I had someone else I wanted to try and work with (which I did and that was a disaster!) could we keep the church connection. I couldn’t believe I was saying it, I hated her! Then I thought maybe I was using it as an excuse to end therapy and there was no pressure to interact with her at church. So we agreed to terminate and I hoped to never have to talk to her again... we ended up doing a lot together at the church and being OK. I would have been OK if we hadn’t still seen eachother at church too though.

The only other one that was the least bit OK was the T just before current T... we started meeting less and less, then she had a major medical issue and I couldn’t come to terms with it so I just said I would reschedule with her when I felt the need and never went back.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Each time I ended therapy was pretty normal. I've never had the term "termination" used in relation to my therapy. No real "formal" conclusions, but I didn't need the endings to be a big final conclusion kind of thing.

1st time: I knew it was coming because I was moving. We pretty much worked as normal right until the end. No big ending sessions or anything. Just the last session said our goodbyes. Sad to say goodbye, but it wasn't like I had any choice; I was moving. 35 years later, we still occasionally keep in touch via facebook.

2nd time: He took a new position out of state. I guess we had about a month notice. It was fine. We were more or less at a good stopping place. Again, no big ending sessions or anything; wouldn't have wanted it. 25 years later, we still keep in touch regularly through facebook.

3rd time: I just sort of stopped sessions because I knew I was ready to stop. No "last" session whatsoever; I simply stopped going when I decided to. We continue to keep up through facebook and run into each other fairly regularly since we live in the same town.

Were there loose ends? Life is always a big loose end. I'm okay with nebulousness.
Did I feel abandoned? Not at all, but feelings of abandonment are not an issue for me.

[downandlonely]

I've never had a big goodbye sessions. For all the therapists I have had, we ended because of me. Either I was moving or therapy was doing nothing for me. I've never really been attached to a therapist. I quit individual therapy and am now doing support groups.

[stopdog]

I would count mine as successful - I decided to stop going and did.

[koru_kiwi]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I would count mine as successful - I decided to stop going and did.

Same...it was my decision to stop even though T tried to convince me that 'there was still so much more to address'. of course there was and i certainly didn't disagree with him, because as far as i'm concerned there will always be issues to work on...that's called life. but i no longer felt that i needed him, let alone having to pay him, to join me on my journey of life. i was confident and ready to try on my own and to this day, that is what i'm still doing... happily and contently.

for me, it was quite an empowering experience to make the decision to end my therapy and i would not have wanted it any other way.

[mcl6136]

I consider that out of about 6 therapists, I've had two successful terminations. One was driven by moving across the country (me) and the other one was a wise old therapist who knew exactly how to let clients leave with them feeling they had accomplished amazing things. I compared notes with one of his other clients, and we were both like, Hey, We Rock! We grew so much during the time in his office. Therapy was tough, but it was like Graduate School of Life, and we left with High Honors!

Very few Ts handle terminations in the proper way, IMO. And a lot of the time, it's driven by their own crap.

So I need more responses but it looks like successful terminations are mainly clients deciding to end while therapist ending seems to lack something, with the one excetion of mcl6136 skilled therapist.

I know my exT felt he had followed the termination process satisfactorily but I didn't know that this is what he was doing, he had plans to shut down his clinical work that weren't shared until a month after the termination when we met with GP to discuss my confused texts and emails and depression. Maybe if he had prepared me by discussing the fact he was going to do this I might not have had such a bad reaction. Instead I was still clinging to the fact that he said we would finish the work together.

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

So I need more responses but it looks like successful terminations are mainly clients deciding to end while therapist ending seems to lack something, with the one excetion of mcl6136 skilled therapist.

My termination was catastrophic and I haven’t been the same since. I initiated it but by then things had turned extremely toxic and I felt like I had no choice. It’s been a slow, painful recovery process.

[Bill3]

I was satisfied with my termination.

T had told me previously, after we switched to every other week, that she thought I was about ready to stop, and I should let her know when I felt ready.

We continued every other week for maybe two months, until I worked up the confidence to say, at the beginning of a session, that I was ready to stop. That was our last session. At the end of the session she commented on how much I had healed, and on how much she had enjoyed working with me.

My termination felt good to me at the time and it still does.

[feralkittymom]

I've never been "terminated" or "discharged," so not sure what that would feel like; I suspect I'd be pretty annoyed. But former T got ill rather suddenly, and when he returned to work after @ 6 weeks recovery time, he told me that he needed to scale back his work and so was closing his private practice. So in that sense, he made the decision and it didn't have anything to do with me. He continued his main employment at the University for another year because it made more sense professionally and financially. We had a few more sessions to wrap up my feelings during his illness, and a few long-term issues. Some strong emotions and pretty valuable sessions. I think the actual leaving was more difficult for him tbh than for me; not just related to me, but because he was ending his practice.

[divine1966]

No I don’t ever feel abandoned.

Years ago I saw a t at my grad school and was allowed to continue as alumni but then they changed the rules and she could no longer see me. It was rather abrupt and over the phone and no final sessions were offered but it was fine. It is what it is.

My current t I only see on and off sometimes stopping for long periods of time like up to 6 months or so. I had 3

Possible trigger:

deaths in the family

so every time I just stop seeing her I come back for bereavement help. Anyways eventually I likely won’t see her at all although who knows. She is getting older and might retire too. I guess I’d see someone else if need to and she isn’t available

[koru_kiwi]

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

Maybe if he had prepared me by discussing the fact he was going to do this I might not have had such a bad reaction. Instead I was still clinging to the fact that he said we would finish the work together.

that sounds like it wasn't handled very well by him. i can understand why that would have been confusing and painful for you. he should have been honest and provided you with more of a warning to give you time to work through it and prepare yourself.

[stopdog]

I suppose the second woman's one might be more what you are looking for - she retired suddenly because her extremely old husband got very sick and she didn't want to leave him alone for much time during the day and he apparently refused to have in home care - so she retired with about 2 weeks notice. It was not a big deal.
She has another career that was more conducive to doing at home and she is now doing that one full time.

[SlumberKitty]

My beloved former T had to terminate me after 10 years with her because she got sick with MS. She really did try to hang in there. Some days the only reason she came to the office at all was for me (guilt feelings for me there--she needed to take care of herself but she was still showing up for me--I so don't/didn't deserve that) but eventually she needed to stop and I needed to find someone else to work with. It was horrible. She helped me "transition" to a new therapist and then when that one didn't work out after four sessions, she helped me "transition" to a different therapist that I am still seeing almost a year later. Our last session was full of tears and was very dramatic on my end. I cried the whole time. It was miserable. I was miserable. I'm still miserable without her and it's been 10 months.

[SlumberKitty]

I had a T when I was a kid who had to stop seeing me after 3 years. Something like her supervisor said it was time for us to end. IDK. I don't remember being upset about it one way or the other. We just continued on for like a month or something and that was the end. I think it was harder on her than for me. I was her first client that self harmed. She really tried with me but she didn't really help me.

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

My beloved former T had to terminate me after 10 years with her because she got sick with MS. She really did try to hang in there. Some days the only reason she came to the office at all was for me (guilt feelings for me there--she needed to take care of herself but she was still showing up for me--I so don't/didn't deserve that) but eventually she needed to stop and I needed to find someone else to work with. It was horrible. She helped me "transition" to a new therapist and then when that one didn't work out after four sessions, she helped me "transition" to a different therapist that I am still seeing almost a year later. Our last session was full of tears and was very dramatic on my end. I cried the whole time. It was miserable. I was miserable. I'm still miserable without her and it's been 10 months.

My T said he had family issues in the meeting with my gp and just this week I had it confirmed that he nearly lost his wife a year or so back. I feel guilty too I don't know why. I know I shouldn't because I knew nothing of this at the time just that he was a little bit off.

I don't think L even believes termination is a thing.

Which is probably why I keep going back every time I leave...

[toomanycats]

I had 1 good termination, and that was with the T I saw right after my long-term & unethical T suddenly moved away & was dx-ed with cancer & just...bleh.
Anyways, I saw a T during that sort of crisis period. Eventually, it became evident that he wasn't going to be what would work best for me -- we'd been working together about 3-4 months & I saw him 2-3 times a week.
The decision for me to go see someone else was mostly mine, but also mutual. We had a really really nice conclusion session, I've touched base with him a couple of times since, but really it was all just concluded in a very ideal way.

Many of my other terminations were benign.
Only 1 was traumatic, and that's the one with the unethical T.

[feileacan]

I had a good termination 3 years ago. I saw this T a little less than a year and the pending termination was known right from the start as I was living in that place only a limited time.

One half of the year went into getting to know each other and the second half was basically all for preparing the ending. We did not prepare explicitly (like sitting down and talking about preparing) but in retrospect I understood that we were preparing.

Of course I would have wanted to see him further as I had grown very attached to him and he told me that he had worked very hard to enable me to attach to him. But he sent me away from the last session with a saying "look after yourself" and it was a good ending.

I grieved him for several months until I decided that I don't have to grieve him because he is not dead. We have exchanged emails couple of times since then, as we agreed that we could be in limited touch. I haven't emailed him this summer yet and not sure I will do it. But he has been lately on my mind a lot as summer is kind of an anniversary for us. I feel lucky that I met this man.

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by feileacan

he told me that he had worked very hard to enable me to attach to him.

What do you think this means? My T has said a similar thing in the past, and I can’t really say that I understand what the “hard work” was on his part.

[feileacan]

Originally Posted by Lrad123

What do you think this means? My T has said a similar thing in the past, and I can’t really say that I understand what the “hard work” was on his part.

What he actually "did"? No idea. But I did attach to him and I'm glad he "worked hard" for that.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Lrad123

What do you think this means? My T has said a similar thing in the past, and I can’t really say that I understand what the “hard work” was on his part.

I would think maybe putting in hard work getting you to trust him? Trying to be consistent in being there for you and supporting you?