[darkside8]

Indeed it would be considered unethical and many therapists may not want a decision like this to affect their reputation. And then of course there is the argument about imbalance in the relationship etc. Put all that aside, is it illegal? It is not permitted at all? In the UK? Just a question being asked out of curiosity. Has anyone experienced this by any chance?

[Omers]

As far as I know in the US it is legal just considered unethical. I ended up having a great friendship with a T I worked with for three years. Hated her as a T and got nowhere with her. Love her dearly as a friend and spent many happy vacations staying in her home with her and her husband (they live in my home town and it was a safe, welcoming place to stay when visiting family but not wanting to stay with family).
I would say IF any harm was done it was in her not referring me out to another T when it was clear we did not work well together. I have no regrets or concerns about the friendship.

[Xynesthesia2]

I have not experienced it (beyond some fleeting fantasies in my head) and would never want to. But have seen it happen. For example, my first T became close friends with his former therapist and out it on the public internet. It happened when his ex-T was very old and had fast-progressing dementia and he put it in the context that he was taking care of him and wanted the world to see how great his ex-T was etc. Sure, in a disabled, terminally ill state, unable to take care of himself and even express himself! He exposed many very disturbing scenes between them, states where I doubt anyone with an intact mind and judgment would want to be seen by the whole world. If he did that with anyone in my family, I am sure he would not have escaped without serious consequences. I know many people have seen it differently but it is nowhere near my concept of friendship even if it appeared consensual.

As far as between two healthy, capable adults with reasonable judgment and decent boundaries, I do not have strong feelings against the friendship in general and think it depends on the specific situation. It is also not regulated legally in clear ways, when they try to regulate it, it's more an ethical concern than legal (except when it involves romantic/sexual relationship). The thing though is that often the people involved are not exactly psychologically healthy adults with normal friendship needs, whatever that means. It often turns into all sorts of extremes and abuse. I am sure there are many exceptions but we rarely hear about those as then they won't have a reason to talk about it publicly, it is just a normal friendship in their personal life.

[ArtleyWilkins]

I am friendly with all of my former therapists. That doesn't mean we are bff's by any means. We have kept in touch (for decades). We Facebook now. But I wouldn't call it a "good friendship" as in we spend time together or are buddy buddy. I correspond with the two that live a distance away now via email or facebook, very occasionally a phone call. We've run into each other in other capacities just by chance a few times. We never talk therapy. We just keep up with family news, etc. With the most recent who lives in my same town, we run into each other semi-regularly in stores. I feel quite comfortable calling him up or emailing him about things I think he might have helpful input about. For instance, we've recently been talking because of a health issue my husband is going through that I wasn't quite sure how to proceed with. I knew he would have more information about the process, what kind of specialist to see, etc., and he has been extremely helpful. But again, we don't talk therapy matters anymore; I don't need that. Mostly we facebook about similar interests (music, dancing, education, a few social issues that get under our skin).

But "friends" as in "good friends" would be going a bit far to describe interactions. It takes strong sense of self, an awareness that the therapist is no longer your therapist and a willingness to hold that boundary, and a respect for separateness.

[toomanycats]

It is not illegal in the US. I can't imagine it is in the UK either. Some professional organizations require a 2-year waiting period.

[feralkittymom]

I think you're making a lot of assumptions about what constitutes such a friendship. It's highly situation specific, and is neither illegal nor considered unethical on its face. Guidance generally consists of cautioning professionals to simply give the matter thoughtful consideration before making such a decision.

[darkside8]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

I think you're making a lot of assumptions about what constitutes such a friendship. It's highly situation specific, and is neither illegal nor considered unethical on its face. Guidance generally consists of cautioning professionals to simply give the matter thoughtful consideration before making such a decision.

I personally agree with what you have explained. The assumptions were more about clarifying my awareness of the ‘immediate common opinions’ mentioned almost everywhere online (which makes sense too).

[Echos Myron redux]

There are no laws about it in the UK.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by darkside8

Indeed it would be considered unethical and many therapists may not want a decision like this to affect their reputation. And then of course there is the argument about imbalance in the relationship etc. Put all that aside, is it illegal? It is not permitted at all? In the UK? Just a question being asked out of curiosity. Has anyone experienced this by any chance?

It is illegal in the u.s.! Some therapist abuse their power..

[ArtleyWilkins]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

It is illegal in the u.s.! Some therapist abuse their power..

No, it is not illegal.

As much as I like my T and have or had not so much now) I don't think I want her as a friend. I surprise myself saying that.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

No idea about legal matters here or elsewhere but it's an interesting issue. One of my previous therapists was very similar personality-wise to me, so much so that we agreed that had we met in different circumstances the likelihood is that we would have become friends. Both during our time together and afterwards, I truly wished we had been friends. However these thoughts were always fleeting and I realised deep down that it would never be the same if we had become friends after knowing her as a T. I don't think I could ever have coped with the loss of her being my therapist and the undivided attention and focus that brings. It's much the same with my new T - I don't know so much about her but occasionally I have feelings of jealousy about others in her life and I wish I could know her in a different capacity. But if I did it wouldn't be the same - it couldn't possibly be.

I respect people who have made friendships work with their former Ts; like someone else said, it must take a tremendous degree of self-awareness and boundaries on both sides to be able to move on from the therapeutic relationship to something more two-sided. I would imagine it would also take the former client to reach a much better place in their healing otherwise surely neediness etc would spill into the newly formed friendship. plus the former therapist might be tempted to react from the same old therapist stance. But if people can make it work and benefit from a T as a friend, and vice versa, good luck.

[SlumberKitty]

I don't think it is illegal. I think there could be some ethical concerns. I've heard it said that once a T becomes friends with a person, that they can't go back to being their T. I don't think it's a hard and fast rule, more like best practices.