[Topiarysurvivor]

Healing Strategy? Victim Impact Statement Unethical



I'm going through old documents, and found the many drafts of the victim impact statement from the complaint I filled against the therapist who enlisted me, her client , as her life partner for 3 years until I broke free. To make the complaint, you first had to list the events of offenses , then write this statement. I wrote it over and over and am actually thinking it would be a good idea to write and review it frequently. Writing my newest one actually helped me see the progress I have made in fewer problems with blaming myself, creating rational excuses for her behavior and becoming less isolated.

Here is the one I sent to the board ( I think)

How has this impacted me?  This is where my guilt kicks in, and makes it hard for me to attribute changes in me to what I now know was a betrayal of my trust. I saw cxxxx , L.P. C.to deal with symptoms related to this relationship, and am now seeing xxxxx , who helped me clarify my need to file this complaint . ( ex-T had frequently made the statement that if the "Secret" went public, my career would be at risk. I am working on no longer hearing her voice . It remains a very powerful voice.

Loss of Stability : I had lived in the same home for more than 20 years. I have lived in 5 homes since the April date in which therapy was terminated, most recently moving to xxxxx. The last move was clearly an attempt to get away from the city where so many locations seemed to trigger panic, people who knew us as a couple, and to avoid any contact with her. This meant leaving a school system I worked in for more than 25 years. Financially, the multiple moves have taken a toll, as have the years of therapy , the cost of the personal organizer and help to clean up my house , the replacement of furniture and household goods .

Trust: I lost trust in my ability to make good decisions. For a time, this resulted in extreme difficulty making decisions without assistance by being forced by events , by being pushed by others, or by the need to avoid overwhelming feelings. My home was overwhelmed by belongings because I had extreme difficulty making the decision about what to keep and what to accept from others. I finally hired a personal organizer to help me make those decisions, had the help of a local store owner who helped me sell things , and then hired a local man and his family to take trailer load after load to the dump, even after my son and I had taken two Uhaul van loads full . Because I know how effectively I hid emotions and pushed away negative thoughts, I questioned all my emotions as well. I have upsetting questions about the decisions I made during therapy . Were they in my best interest, or hers? If I don't feel upset , is it because I have buried it?

Confidence : Recently at work we participated in a 360 activity, which involved getting feedback from people we work with in various capacities. From supervisors, coworkers, people I supervise , the most frequent comment was that I lack confidence and am timid. I suspect that at one time there would have been at least one comment that I needed to make sure I didn't come across as feeling superior or cocky. And that you could find people who would initially laugh if you described me as timid.When your therapist spends hours a week listing your shortcomings, making comments which make you question the qualities you have always thought you possess , it is hard to present with confidence. And when you are confident that your solution is good, you present it carefully , even timidly.

Fears , Watchfulness: I am still somewhat hyper vigilant. Waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for the wolf to emerge, always checking to make sure there aren't hidden intentions behind someone's friendliness or support. My trust in the goodwill of others has gone from always giving people the benefit of the doubt , to watching diligently for ways that a person might be deceiving me. I no longer stay awake because of the irrational fear that she is watching my house when the dogs have barked at deer in the woods , and no longer put things on my stairs because this would wake me up. There is almost nothing in my new home which might remind me of her, with a few things I kept specifically to try to work on these feelings. These are things that were mine before the termination and that I hope to reclaim as mine. I got new furniture, new clothing. My newest therapist has helped me stop googling her name in an attempt to make sure she has no reason to be nearby, and specifically to stop checking the board website to make sure she has not reinstated her licenses. She asked me how often I think of my ex T . I counted for a week, and found that it was an average of 8 times a day, usually fleeting fear or startling when I smell cigarette smoke, see a black CRV, am asked if I live alone, and especially if I break one of her "rules" like not wearing wrinkled clothing, leaving dishes in the sink, not parking my car straight and close to the curb or not coming home right after work. I watch for signs that she is tracking me online. I do have to clarify that the thoughts about stalking type behaviors have some grounds in fact. For example, when I came home from looking at a house when moving from her home, she had printed out the craigslist ad, the city assessment report, and had called a friend to check on the landlord. She also had reported sitting in a car with her ex watching the woman's old home to get information about her ex husband, and somehow accessing his email accounts. There was the chemistry.com issue and the time that she showed up at my ex husband's house to drop off mail.


This, too, could go on for pages. In the year after leaving, I had two panic attacks for which I called an ambulance. There have been changes in my concentration and ability to complete work .

How much of this would not have happened if I had never seen ex T as a therapist? I'm not sure. But when I divided these changes in me into two lists , things present before the therapy termination and ensuing events, and those only present after, they are all in the "after" column. I take responsibility for my decisions or non decisions in most cases. I have been treated for depression for years, but never , until after these events, had I filled up a house with so things that is was almost inhabitable, or literally gone weeks rarely talking to anyone .

This makes me sound like a mess, but I am living , doing my job, loving my family , and working very,very hard to get better. I have begun to tell people that I trust to know that I am still me and that I did not "bring this on myself". I look for the adjustment in their eyes to gauge their understanding . Luckily, I have been successful in picking people who do understand. I know that because she retired the board has limited authority, but I am now convinced that making this complaint is important. My hope would be that I could not worry about checking the license lookup so often. I also hope that pushing the send button will be one of the last decisions I make about this , and I know that having made the decision to send it will be a relief no matter what happens. I will have done my part ."

[here today]

Thanks so much for posting this.

I thought that the chance of a successful complaint in my case was unlikely so I had never gone so far as to contact the "board". And so never went through, or even thought about, a victim impact statement. But, yes, I think I might think about that for myself, as a way of itemizing maybe what was the effect and what is me.

I feel and may look and sound like a mess, too, but I did manage to get out of my house of 32 years, and got rid of most things myself. I made what some may consider a poor financial decision on my house, selling to a rehabber for a fixed price rather than finish clearing out and cleaning up myself and waiting for a traditional sale at who knows for sure what price and when. But I got myself out, rather than being forced out by time or one circumstance or another, as I have seen happen to a friend and another acquaintance. I'm "old" -- 72 -- and had been feeling some decline, as well as depression that therapy had not helped and maybe hindered, but was still able see the writing on the wall and to act, some way, before the advancing fire, flood, invading enemy army, whatever you want to call it. So I do feel some positivity and gratitude that I was still able to decide and to act at all. If I had been more "well", then those decisions and the actions before them might have been better -- but that wasn't the way it was, so. . .

You have done what you can. The statement and your work on it will stand no matter what the board decides. The more statements like yours that boards get, the more likely it is, I think, that they may become aware of the prevalence of negative effects that therapy and/or therapists can have on clients. That's to the good, no matter what, I think. I hope that you continue to find progress, and perhaps some peace.