[Lrad123]

How do you know when you’re done vs. when you are using avoidance as a defense mechanism. I’ve been ambivalent about therapy since I first met my therapist almost 2 years ago, wanting to run away while simultaneously very much wanting to go. Lately, my desire to be there has lessened. For the past several months I have been seeing him 2x/week although due to vacations and canceling I’ve only seen him once/week this summer. For the last 2 weeks I have canceled one of our two scheduled sessions and the world hasn’t fallen apart. In fact, it has felt fine and I’m feeling like this might be a sign that I’m done.

To be fair, looking at the flip side, I also don’t enjoy being the center of attention, being vulnerable, having needs, etc although I feel like I’m much more that way with my T than with others in my life. Although we never articulated goals, I do feel like my marriage is stronger and I’m more in touch with my emotions. I’m not sure I have much more to say in therapy. I do wonder if I’m just trying to hide from something but maybe I’m overthinking everything.

How do you know when you’re done?

[ArtleyWilkins]

I was handling life on my own and not really needing the help of therapy. I realized in a few sessions that I went into having already handled what we normally would have worked on. The need just was no longer there, so I stopped going and never had to go back.

[LonesomeTonight]

My T has said it tends to be a sign that a client is done when they don't really have anything to talk about. Not just in a single session, because that certainly happens, but that it becomes a pattern. And not just being unsure what topic to cover (I've been there), but just being out of stuff to say. Could you maybe just go back to weekly for a bit and see how that goes? Or even biweekly?

I'd have a conversation about it with T over a few sessions to get to your own answer.
Everyone here will be coming from their own rain /biases /defences.

[Lrad123]

Yes, I’m planning to go to both of my sessions this week and talk about it. Maybe I’ll officially reduce to once/week for a bit.

[toomanycats]

you can also always take a break & come back if needed - door always open and all that

[Elio]

Yes, I'm at a place of wondering what the difference is between healing and detachment. Then I go back to some of my original goals - are they still issues? If yes, then I'm not done.

One of my biggest goals is to be able to make and keep friendships. One thing I feel that prevents me from being able to keep friendships is my inability to tell people when something bothers me. Last time I did this with T, I still went to the place of emotional distraught for simply stating my feelings. Not as significant as before still more than what the situation really called for.

I know you initially went to deal with issues around your son. Then things started to become very focused on your relationship with your T. Can you see how these things might link? Do you feel like you've gotten what you needed to address the issues with your son? Do you see things playing out with your T that play out in other relationships?

And yeah, talking to your T about it is the right way to go about it.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by toomanycats

you can also always take a break & come back if needed - door always open and all that

Exactly, it doesn't have to be done and final. My T has some long-term clients who just come back to him periodically for "tune-ups." Or some who will come back to deal with something that came up in their life. Pre-rupture with ex-MC, he had told us that as long as he's still practicing, we were always welcome to come back, even if it's 15 years from now. (I assume that still technically holds? But I wouldn't go back to him at this point.)

[SlumberKitty]

I've never been the one to initiate termination with any of my long term therapists. I did mutually agree to terminate with a therapist I saw four times last summer as we just weren't clicking, and her style seemed too abrasive for me. I think I will know that I'm ready when I'm dealing with stuff in my life without the feeling of needing therapy to get through it. But that is just a guess since I've never been at that point. I hope you can talk through it with your T and come up with the right answer for you at this time.

[Taylor27]

My previous pyschologist tried to terminate me this past January, it took allot to keep my file open so that when he retired in May i could see another therapist at the clinic. My new therapist and my gp have both told me i still need the therapy and support.

When i can deal with life with out going into a spiral depression, or i go to my sessions only to talk about the weather, news, and every day stuff then it will be time to taper down to every few months and then none.


I hope you and your t will agree on whats right for you and see how it goes.

[feileacan]

I'm pretty sure that I will understand when I'm done. Few years ago I couldn't imagine that I will be ever done but now I do. I suppose that because now the push and pull has lessened to practically none I can actually do some real work without having to obsess about therapy between my sessions or during T's holidays. I imagine that I might be realistically done in like 3-4 years.

[stopdog]

When you get tired of the games the therapist plays at you.
When you think of things that would be more useful to spend your money on instead of handing it to a therapist.
When one realizes those guys are just stabbing and guessing and don't really have a clue.

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by Elio

I know you initially went to deal with issues around your son. Then things started to become very focused on your relationship with your T. Can you see how these things might link? Do you feel like you've gotten what you needed to address the issues with your son? Do you see things playing out with your T that play out in other relationships?

And yeah, talking to your T about it is the right way to go about it.

I’m not sure, but the bigger link might be the way my relationship with my T parallels that with my father - feeling like he’s not really invested or present, etc when in all likelihood, or at least logically, I can probably assume he is. Not sure I need more therapy to explore this further. I’m willing to talk about it with him though.

[susannahsays]

I like guessing games. As long as I'm not the one doing the guessing.

I thought I was done in mid-February and left; did stay done for 4 months but then I went back in mid-june. I am asking myself why, now... why I couldn't just leave well enough alone and stay away... sigh.

I do not know the answer.

[Lrad123]

I had a session today and discussed being done or taking a break. I feel at peace with that decision if it goes that way. I’m not even really sure what we talked about but it was nice. I’m just going to see how it feels for a while.