Couch 202: The Grande Unicorn Frappuccino couch.

Aug 14, 2019, 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Patients suffer terrible distress at the tought that their Ts don't like them. Is it really necessary for Ts to leave them hanging like that?

I am so angry about this today, sometimes I can go ok this is his problem but mostly I think it is an inherent flaw with particularly when I ask for support and/or help on the couch and nobody responds.

chihirochild · Aug 14, 2019, 07:13 PM

A question for any willing couch historians: how did the "cool whip" tradition begin?

unaluna · Aug 14, 2019, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chihirochild

A question for any willing couch historians: how did the "cool whip" tradition begin?

I think it was the young ones. The southerners. I dont think they raise cows down south, do they? So for some reason they thought it would incite attention?

Im a very bad historian. And geographian.

But i love to um whats the word... extrapolate. Im a mathematician.

NP_Complete · Aug 14, 2019, 07:46 PM

I made a post under a throwaway account on one of my city's subreddits today asking for a lawyer recommendation. I briefly explained it was a DV situation/fire. I said that I had PTSD and find the whole thing overwhelming and was looking for a lawyer that would be empathetic and patient with me. So I got a couple of nice replies. Then this one dude replies

Quote:

Welcome to City, where everyone has "PTSD".

Note the quotes there. I was already feeling like a faker by saying that I have PTSD. It's not my official-for-insurance diagnosis. It feels like an easy, understandable way to explain what I'm going through. We've talked about PTSD symptoms before, but he's never said "You have PTSD." I let him read my post today and was feeling kind of embarrassed that I had made that claim. I'm feeling really down on myself right now. I feel like some lying loser that just announced I have PTSD to get some attention for myself.

chihirochild · Aug 14, 2019, 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

I made a post under a throwaway account on one of my city's subreddits today asking for a lawyer recommendation. I briefly explained it was a DV situation/fire. I said that I had PTSD and find the whole thing overwhelming and was looking for a lawyer that would be empathetic and patient with me. So I got a couple of nice replies. Then this one dude replies

Note the quotes there. I was already feeling like a faker by saying that I have PTSD. It's not my official-for-insurance diagnosis. It feels like an easy, understandable way to explain what I'm going through. We've talked about PTSD symptoms before, but he's never said "You have PTSD." I let him read my post today and was feeling kind of embarrassed that I had made that claim. I'm feeling really down on myself right now. I feel like some lying loser that just announced I have PTSD to get some attention for myself.

That dude is an ***, in all senses of the word. What you went through (and continue to go through) was real and traumatic and you deserve to have your suffering seen and respected, regardless of what your official diagnosis is or what other people are able to understand.

I'm sorry, NP.

atisketatasket · Aug 14, 2019, 08:01 PM

NP, you are not a PTSD faker.

LonesomeTonight · Aug 14, 2019, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chihirochild

That dude is an ***, in all senses of the word. What you went through (and continue to go through) was real and traumatic and you deserve to have your suffering seen and respected, regardless of what your official diagnosis is or what other people are able to understand.

I'm sorry, NP.

I agree with all of this. Hugs, NP...

NP_Complete · Aug 14, 2019, 08:09 PM

It gets better.

I responded: You know I'm a real person, right?
His response: A real person with an imaginary problem.

Wow. I don't get it.

I want to respond that he sexually assaulted me, threatened me with weapons, threatened to kill me etc, is that enough pain, but I guess that's just feeding the troll.

chihirochild · Aug 14, 2019, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

It gets better.

I responded: You know I'm a real person, right?
His response: A real person with an imaginary problem.

Wow. I don't get it.

I want to respond that he sexually assaulted me, threatened me with weapons, threatened to kill me etc, is that enough pain, but I guess that's just feeding the troll.

Couch 202: The Grande Unicorn Frappuccino couch.

healed84 · Aug 14, 2019, 09:33 PM

My pdoc did something today that I have really been needing from t for the last couple of months. He was getting ready to open the door for me at the end of my appointment and he said “healed you have a pretty good handle on this, keep going.” I said thanks, he opened the door for me and I walked out and he said “hey, seriously.. you have a handle on this, you have good insight and you need to remember that.” Just the way he said it, and looked at me I could feel the caring and supportiveness coming from him.

And I thought how ironic, since this
Spring that is what I have been really trying to get out of t. Actually, right before I left to see pdoc today, I got an email from t that was in response to a panicked email I sent. I was looking for a more supportive response and I felt like I got something that was not that. And really if I could describe t over the last couple months it would be he is being kind of an hardass.

So, I got what I needed.. just not from the person I wanted or suspected it would come from.

CantExplain · Aug 14, 2019, 09:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

I made a post under a throwaway account on one of my city's subreddits today asking for a lawyer recommendation. I briefly explained it was a DV situation/fire. I said that I had PTSD and find the whole thing overwhelming and was looking for a lawyer that would be empathetic and patient with me. So I got a couple of nice replies. Then this one dude replies

Note the quotes there. I was already feeling like a faker by saying that I have PTSD. It's not my official-for-insurance diagnosis. It feels like an easy, understandable way to explain what I'm going through. We've talked about PTSD symptoms before, but he's never said "You have PTSD." I let him read my post today and was feeling kind of embarrassed that I had made that claim. I'm feeling really down on myself right now. I feel like some lying loser that just announced I have PTSD to get some attention for myself.

Haters gonna hate.

chihirochild · Aug 14, 2019, 10:11 PM

Oof, no patients in the ICU again. This is really bonkers.

Possible trigger:

It's maybe just as well, though, since for the last few nights we were taking care of someone who made a very serious suicide attempt. (They're okay now, going to be admitted to Psych.) I always have a hard time with patients like that--it makes me feel like a fraud, like I'm putting on some sort of mask when I go to work, like I'm pretending to be a healthy professional when really I'm just as sick as my patients are. And to be totally honest, it triggers my SI as well.

MobiusPsyche · Aug 14, 2019, 11:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

Possible trigger:

I should probably go get one of my cuts stitched up but I don't want to.

I don't understand myself. I'm not usually like this. I'm having this strong push and pull inside me. I'm doing something good for me tonight--going to meet a friend for coffee, but then I'm not doing something good for me, taking care of the wound. I don't know why I'm acting this way unless it still has something to do with not feeling like T gave an empathetic enough response. So maybe I'm just like well, forget it then, I'm just going to mess up anyway. But it's also soothing to the sui feelings so I don't know what's up. I see T in 5 days and 2 hours. I don't like myself too much right now because I'm not acting in a way that I think is appropriate. I'm possibly reacting and I don't like that. Maybe I'm trying to test T. Surely that's more useful than just coming out and telling her, I wish you would have given me a more empathetic response (sarcasm). I also feel like the wound isn't "bad" enough to require treatment, though I know it would heal better if I got it treated. There's something in me saying, "You didn't punish yourself enough." Argh. I wish T was tonight so I could get this figured out and stop behaving so oddly.

Possible trigger:

SH is such that it's never, ever "enough." It's never bad enough, we will always feel as if we could have done something just a little bit worse to ourselves. SH is seriously addictive on that it takes worse and worse harm to "scratch that itch." I've been there and it's hellish, but you need to make a commitment to stop.

Not a commitment that I'll try really hard not to, not a commitment that I'll try 3 coping skills first, not a commitment that I'll do it so it doesn't require stitches, no half measures will work. You have to decide to quit and have support measures in place to allow you top do that (friend, T, hotline, PC, all of these).

I don't think you feel ready to stop but I want to let you know I felt the same way. My T helped me see that i would never, ever let someone else treat me that way and I would never inflict that on someone else, so it wasn't being true ti who I am to do it to myself. It took giving myself a little compassion before I was able to stop. At first I couldn't even do that, so I used my therapist's compassion toward me as a stepping stone.

I sense from your posts and from the fact you're still doing it that it's filling some need for you. What do you get out of it? For me, it was a way to externalize the pain for a while and it let me feel the punishment I thought I deserved and it kept people very far away from me. For you it might be different. I don't think it matters whether you figure out what function it serves in order to quit. You just need to decide that nobody gets to treat you that way, not even you, and go cold Turkey. If drawing on your body helps, that's great but you need someone to be accountable to. For me it was my T.

I hope you make the choice to stop soon.

Polibeth · Aug 14, 2019, 11:53 PM

[QUOTE=chihirochild;6606073]Oof, no patients in the ICU again. This is really bonkers.

Our ICU is full (I work security at a hospital) which can be plain bonkers in itself - sometimes we have to call a code for family members not dealing well)

I did laugh because on my last shift there was a code called for security. I was first on scene and asked the nurse what was going on. She said "He's yelling at me".

Seriously, that's not a code. I talked to the patient for a minute and he calmed down. I explained proper code protocol to the nurse.

SheHulk07 · Aug 14, 2019, 11:59 PM

Another busy day for me with meeting with one of my son's school based therapist taking my oldest to his first day of middle school, iop, and then my individual t. I was 5 minutes late to my session, which I never am late. There was a bad accident on the way that caused lanes to go from 3 to 1. T was fine with it, but it left me incredibly anxious the whole session. I felt like I wasted it because that's all we talked about is my anxiety. I mentioned an "attack" that I get sometimes that's happened the last 2 days. I can never explain it to others to where they understand and not feel crazy. I've chalked it up to anxiety and lack of sleep. T wants me to bring it up to the psychiatrist or my PCP.
I also had a very scary thing happen tonight that I've never experienced.

Possible trigger:

I actually dozed off in my car at a red light and didn't realize it. I bolted awake when the car behind me honked and I realized that the cars ahead already were driving. Thankfully I was less than 10 minutes away from home and nothing serious happened. I came home and tried to nap for an hour as much as I could.

I don't know what's going on with me. The overload of this week is too much. I wish I could see T on Friday this week but he hasn't said he's available fridays again yet. And I don't think I have IOP on friday either.

ScarletPimpernel · Aug 15, 2019, 12:31 AM

I just tried mango for the first time with my dad. We both liked it. It's funny that neither of us tried it until today.

chihirochild · Aug 15, 2019, 12:43 AM

I ate some junk food because I was so bored and now I have a stomach ache :/

My own damn fault, I know.

susannahsays · Aug 15, 2019, 01:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MobiusPsyche

Possible trigger:

SH is such that it's never, ever "enough." It's never bad enough, we will always feel as if we could have done something just a little bit worse to ourselves. SH is seriously addictive on that it takes worse and worse harm to "scratch that itch." I've been there and it's hellish, but you need to make a commitment to stop.

Not a commitment that I'll try really hard not to, not a commitment that I'll try 3 coping skills first, not a commitment that I'll do it so it doesn't require stitches, no half measures will work. You have to decide to quit and have support measures in place to allow you top do that (friend, T, hotline, PC, all of these).

I don't think you feel ready to stop but I want to let you know I felt the same way. My T helped me see that i would never, ever let someone else treat me that way and I would never inflict that on someone else, so it wasn't being true ti who I am to do it to myself. It took giving myself a little compassion before I was able to stop. At first I couldn't even do that, so I used my therapist's compassion toward me as a stepping stone.

I sense from your posts and from the fact you're still doing it that it's filling some need for you. What do you get out of it? For me, it was a way to externalize the pain for a while and it let me feel the punishment I thought I deserved and it kept people very far away from me. For you it might be different. I don't think it matters whether you figure out what function it serves in order to quit. You just need to decide that nobody gets to treat you that way, not even you, and go cold Turkey. If drawing on your body helps, that's great but you need someone to be accountable to. For me it was my T.

I hope you make the choice to stop soon.

But your therapist said it wouldn't be being true to who YOU are. There are many people who allow others to hurt them, or who are unable for whatever reason to defend themselves. Not everybody is you, and that argument won't resound with everybody anyway. And I honestly don't think an all or nothing approach has any benefit over a more gradual reduction since cutting isn't lethal.

I definitely think it matters whether she figures out what that function serves. Lots of people, maybe not you, but many many people use self harm when the feelings become unbearable and they just don't have any other way to cope. SK has been struggling with a lot of SI lately, and that could get worse if she felt she couldn't use this coping mechanism when she doesn't have anything to replace it with.

susannahsays · Aug 15, 2019, 01:21 AM

I feel foolish. For some reason, when I read "gaming cage worker," I was envisioning something having to do with wild animals. Maybe something like a zookeeper or some asshole at Barnum and Bailey's.

Thank you for enlightening me, CE.

LostOnTheTrail · Aug 15, 2019, 01:21 AM

Morning, Couch.

The only tea I drink is ordinary tea with milk. I don't care much for herbal or fruit teas. Session's in just over 2.5 hours. Anybody around to pocket ride?

ScarletPimpernel · 02:06 AM

H is at the hospital. I hope he doesn't start it up again.

Eta: Hospital turned him away because all his vital signs (pulse and blood pressure) were normal. Told him to contact his doctors.

JaneTennison1 · Aug 15, 2019, 06:48 AM

T today. I'm in a much better headspace than last week but I doubt she is that bothered lol It just feels like a big thing to me.

unaluna · Aug 15, 2019, 07:47 AM

Im waking up a little cranky today because the neighbor guys were up making noise last night. Smoking and laughing on the balcony at 2 in the morning.

I was slurring my words yelling at them, like i was talking in slow motion? I went to the bathroom but i was weirdly dizzy. I guess i wasnt fully awake. I feel bad about yelling at them, but omg the male privilege. "We have a balcony in nice weather!" Morons. Shut. up.

LonesomeTonight · Aug 15, 2019, 07:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

H is at the hospital. I hope he doesn't start it up again.

Eta: Hospital turned him away because all his vital signs (pulse and blood pressure) were normal. Told him to contact his doctors.

I'm glad they turned him away! Hopefully this might help him break the habit (and that he won't just try hospitals that are further away).

LostOnTheTrail · Aug 15, 2019, 11:44 AM

Craving pancakes, but I have no pancake skills.

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