When I was 4 I went in hospital to have my tonsils out.
I have strong memories from this time for many reasons.

, being away from my adoptive mother. Not that she was any good. But the whole separation thing.

2, because one night I stuck my arm out the side of the cot bed they put me in and the nurse touching my arm to poke it back. I remember feeling this was so wonderful - no touch with adoptive mother - but I felt so dirty/guilty for wanting it.

I've told this story to T often. More about how difficult it was for me to accept this would be a normal thing to want.

Anyway... Years since I've talked about this or Even been in that place anymore, I dreant last night that I was with T and pretending to be asleep so she would touch my arms to move them.

Wtf!? Where has this come from? Why now?
I will tell T next session. But to think we can be back in places we think we've finished with, gives me lots to reflect on.

[Omers]

I hope you get what you are needing Mouse.

My T and I use a lot of touch and it is really helpful. Even though I am very comfortable with the touch between T and I if I try to talk about it with him it feels very shameful. I don’t know why talking or thinking about it brings up so much shame.

Speaking of being back in places we think we've finished with... I find my almost 8 years now with current t has been a lot of circling back through things I'd thought we were done with. But each time is helpful in its own way. Its like, because I've changed and grown and can come at things from a different level or something.

Told T about this dream.
She said I think it's about the enticpation of Monday mornings email from me.

Think she's right. I did wonder