[Lourdes22]

I'm in the United States and I'm wondering what is considered normal physical touch between a patient and therapist. My T has been increasing touch without asking and it is making me feel uncomfortable.

I have worked with this T for a little over a year but this didn't begin till a few months ago. It's gone from shaking hands to side hugs, placing hand over mine for long periods of time during the session, and today kissed my forehead after hugging me very tight for a longer than normal time. I don't know if I am overreacting and this is normal, or should I say something? I've read conflicting things online about whether this is ok or not.

[nottrustin]

If it makes you uncomfortable then it is inappropriate. You definitely need to say something.

[feileacan]

Your most reliable guide is your own feeling. It is making you uncomfortable and thus it is clearly inappropriate. Either tell your T that their touching you is making you uncomfortable, especially because it is non-consensual, see how they respond and take it from there. Or alternatively, if you feel you can't confront them, start looking for another T. Don't allow the nonconsensual touch to continue!

[Kk222]

I do body psycotherapy with my therapist and there is a lot of different types of touch involved but I'd say that the fact you feel uncomfortable means it's not ok no matter what type of therapy you are doing.

[Salmon77]

"Normal" depends on the therapist and the client. My T does not touch clients at all, for example. Some people hug or shake hands. Kissing of any kind seems very unusual. From reading here, it sounds like most therapists will discuss the issue of touch with the client, and not just go ahead and do it.

I would not be comfortable with what your T is doing (especially if it seems like there may be some physical attraction happening), and if you are not comfortable, you should talk to them about it.

[nicoleflynn]

This is unprofessional unethical behavior. It may be the beginning of a "slippery slope" on his part; in other words he may escalate into other kinds of touching etc. Boundaries are necessary in therapy; you should tell him.....before anything else happens..

[precaryous]

Definitely say something or look for another T.

My rule in therapy is that if T does something that bothers me, I bring it up. She does the same.

One of the most helpful issues we discuss in therapy is boundaries...boundaries with therapists, family members, health care workers or even the people in my line at the grocery checkout...because I’ve let people walk all over me in my past either because I wanted to get along or I thought they knew better than I do.
Boundaries.

[SlumberKitty]

I'd say if you're uncomfortable it is not appropriate. It can be hard to bring up something like that to your T but I think it is so important. If it continues, it could jeopardize your therapy because you might be worried or concentrated on that instead of being free to grow, learn, and recover.

[Omers]

If you are uncomfortable it is wrong. All of my T’s have done a quick, social hug at the end of the session. A couple would hold my hand.
Current T uses a lot of touch with me. Hugs, holding my hand, putting his hand over mine, putting his hand on my knee... BUT he is ALWAYS watching very carefully to judge if I am comfortable with it. ANY sign I am uncomfortable and he stops. I originally initiated the hugs and mentioned I would find it comforting to have my hand held. He reached out to my hand (without asking but watching carefully) the first time. He asked permission to put his hand on my knee. Now touch is becoming more “normalized” between us (we are both very touch oriented people) but it is always used with extreme caution and respect.

[JaneTennison1]

I agree with everything people have said. If you are not comfortable then it is not appropriate.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

If T is doing it without asking you then it is always inappropriate.

In this instance, it may be wise to avoid the usual advice to talk to your T, and find another. This doesnt sound healthy or safe at all.

Ts elbow accidently brushed my tit once. That added another 10yrs onto my therapy.

[toomanycats]

Any touch is inappropriate if it's making you uncomfortable.

Originally Posted by Lonelyinmyheart

If T is doing it without asking you then it is always inappropriate.

In this instance, it may be wise to avoid the usual advice to talk to your T, and find another. This doesnt sound healthy or safe at all.

This. I don't think it is worth going back to him for another session. If you bring it up, he may try and talk you out of it; he may just not listen. It doesn't seem like it is worth it. It sounds like he doesn't understand the concept of boundaries.

[I have hope]

This is absolutely unacceptable. All touching should be done with full consent, and even then there are grey areas. Hand on hand for too long and kissing are not good practice. Please get out of this situation and stay safe

[MoxieDoxie]

I just do not understand all this touching in therapy.

I do not believe touching should be allowed at all in therapy. It truly muddies the waters.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Originally Posted by Lourdes22

I'm in the United States and I'm wondering what is considered normal physical touch between a patient and therapist. My T has been increasing touch without asking and it is making me feel uncomfortable.

I have worked with this T for a little over a year but this didn't begin till a few months ago. It's gone from shaking hands to side hugs, placing hand over mine for long periods of time during the session, and today kissed my forehead after hugging me very tight for a longer than normal time. I don't know if I am overreacting and this is normal, or should I say something? I've read conflicting things online about whether this is ok or not.

This does not seem acceptable, particularly since the way you describe it, it seems to be escalating in intensity. You absolutely should tell him to stop, that you are not comfortable with him touching you in any way.

Touch in therapy is not always a problem. I had therapists who hugged me (well we hugged each other), but it was just a friendly hug in greeting or departure, very mutual, and nothing untoward about it. But beyond that, my therapists, all of them, ALWAYS asked before they touched, even if it was just a slight touch of my hand to illustrate something. They always asked permission first, and it wasn't a regular occurrence for touch to occur (other than the hugs which were completely benign).

[sarahsweets]

I do not understand a therapist touching a client for any reason.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

I do not understand a therapist touching a client for any reason.

Safe touch can be exceptionally healing, and sometimes more powerful than words. Whether or not this has a place in therapy depends entirely on the particular therapist and client relationship.

[NP_Complete]

My therapist of three years recently put his hand on my forearm (my hands were covering my face if that seems like a weird place to touch someone) for the first time. He asked if it was okay first. This happened during a particularly intense moment in our session. It didn't muddy the waters at all. It felt incredibly powerful. I didn't instantly fall in love with him nor did it feel sexual at all. Nothing changed after that moment other than a deeper feeling of connection with him.

[MoxieDoxie]

Originally Posted by Lonelyinmyheart

Safe touch can be exceptionally healing, and sometimes more powerful than words. Whether or not this has a place in therapy depends entirely on the particular therapist and client relationship.

I would like to experience this but I do not want to have to ask for it. It need to come from him on his own plus to be turned down or it become a topic to analyze the hell out of.

[HowDoYouFeelMeow?]

My T is certified in somatic experiencing with additional related training in touch work for treating physical symptoms of trauma and for treating nervous system dysregulation. Touch is a regular occurrence in our sessions. It is very powerful and healing. It has never made me feel uncomfortable, but instead makes me feel much calmer and comforted. Its effects are more useful than a benzodiazepine.

My T ALWAYS asks for permission before touching me, even though it has occurred regularly for quite some time and I’ve never said no, and even for seemingly “simple” things such as putting her hand on my shoulder (I realize “simple” is quite the relative term re: touch). If I said no, she would not do it. If I hesitated to say yes, she would not do it.

It is inappropriate that your T is touching you without permission, more inappropriate that it is escalating without your permission, and extremely inappropriate that it makes you feel uncomfortable. I’m really sorry you experienced touch in this way.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

I would like to experience this but I do not want to have to ask for it. It need to come from him on his own plus to be turned down or it become a topic to analyze the hell out of.

I get this totally, but unfortunately in today's climate an ethical T simply wouldn't and couldn't take the risk of touching you without permission. They have to know you're okay with it first, or else risk being sued (more likely in the US) or retraumatising you, or both.

Sometimes when a T knows you very well, like if you've been working together for a while, and T knows you're fine with touch, they may instigate it on their own, but ONLY if it's a dead cert that you're fine with it, and even then it's a very iffy area. My T knows I love hugs and we hug at the end, so now she automatically holds out her arms. But she knows and I know that I could refuse (not that I ever would, she gives great hugs!). One of my past Ts also held out her arms to me, but only after I complained sulkily that it was always up to me and she never instigated it.

So I get you - but ethics have to come first. Never trust a T who goes to touch you without permission. It does sound like you want to reject the T before you can be rejected? Or am I misreading your post? That would definitely be something to bring up in therapy, but not acted out hopefully.

[NP_Complete]

I think Moxie meant that she wished her T would come up with the idea on his own and ask for permission before doing it. She doesn't want to have to ask her T to touch her because he might say no and that would feel like a terrible rejection. Also, as my therapist has normalized for me, people want others to know what we need and fulfill those needs without us having to ask for it.

Personally, I think I’d be wierded out by any measure of touch. Unless it was accidental.