[seeker33]

Hey, we've been discussing empathy with my T. I have a problem with distinguishing if the emotions are mine or I'm "soaking in" emotions of others. I often begin feeling emotions of other people exactly as if they were my own.
My T asked me to come up with 5 questions that could help me distinguish if I'm feeling my emotions, or someone else's.

So far we have :
can I feel my own emotion?
How did I feel before meeting this person?
Do I have a reason to feel emotion x?

I need two more questions. Thank you :-)

You can't feel someone else's emotions. Unless you're feeling yours first.

If you see someone stabbing someone in the street say, you might recognise their anger, Because we've all felt anger. But this would be your anger, Already known to you.

[seeker33]

Yes, it is indeed possible to be an empath. It's a curse.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by seeker33

Yes, it is indeed possible to be an empath. It's a curse.

Agreed, this can happen with me as well.

I think our perception of any circumstance may be influenced by someone else's projection, but ultimately we feel our emotions based on our own experiences and on exposure to experiences of others (both personal experiences and social media). If you are feeling sad for someone else, I believe you have experienced sadness before. You can relate to someone's sadness based on your own experiences with sadness or an experience of sadness from someone else. If you feel you are perceiving an emotion the same way of someone who is experiencing the same emotion, you are basing your emotions on another person's circumstance, then maybe your mind is trying to tell you something. Personally, I feel that someone who is empathetic has a genuine interest in helping others.

I think your questions are a great start to exploring both exposure to emotions and whether our perceived senses are as strong as our actual senses. I am sorry, I cannot think of more questions to help with your assignment, but I did enjoy exploring this subject. Thank you.

[ArtleyWilkins]

I would guess your are reacting to your perception of another person's emotions. Still your emotions.

[seeker33]

Thank you everyone but this is difficult to explain. I truly do feel emotions of others. Even when I don't know them (strangers) and I don't know what happened to them. Later I learn my perception was accurate. I can feel people's character traits, I can feel that someone is an aggressive abuser (at the moment don't show any such behavior but I know 100%sure it is true). I can feel that some of my customers are victims of domestic abuse... Many of my "feelings" have been objectively proven before. It's a true curse and extremely difficult to live with, especially when you work with people like I do.
With my T we're trying to find a way to learn to live with this burden.

I feel positive traits as well, I feel when people are good, happy and caring. It's not all negative, but if I could choose, I would get rid of this curse that I haven't asked for.

Originally Posted by seeker33

Thank you everyone but this is difficult to explain. I truly do feel emotions of others. Even when I don't know them (strangers) and I don't know what happened to them. Later I learn my perception was accurate. I can feel people's character traits, I can feel that someone is an aggressive abuser (at the moment don't show any such behavior but I know 100%sure it is true). I can feel that some of my customers are victims of domestic abuse... Many of my "feelings" have been objectively proven before. It's a true curse and extremely difficult to live with, especially when you work with people like I do.
With my T we're trying to find a way to learn to live with this burden.

Maybe your a clareviant 🤷

[seeker33]

Originally Posted by The mouse

Maybe your a clareviant 🤷

Yes, unfortunately, there are some signs I may have certain "psychic" abilities which I'm not happy about and I've never worked on developing them. It's just something I have to learn to live with and cope with it :-(

Originally Posted by seeker33

Thank you everyone but this is difficult to explain. I truly do feel emotions of others. Even when I don't know them (strangers) and I don't know what happened to them. Later I learn my perception was accurate. I can feel people's character traits, I can feel that someone is an aggressive abuser (at the moment don't show any such behavior but I know 100%sure it is true). I can feel that some of my customers are victims of domestic abuse... Many of my "feelings" have been objectively proven before. It's a true curse and extremely difficult to live with, especially when you work with people like I do.
With my T we're trying to find a way to learn to live with this burden.

I feel positive traits as well, I feel when people are good, happy and caring. It's not all negative, but if I could choose, I would get rid of this curse that I haven't asked for.

This is a lovely explanation and example of confirmation bias. What about all the times you were wrong or were not able to verify whether you were right?

You might be interpretating (sometimes correctly, sometimes not) the behaviour of others and you might feel pain/happiness/anger in response to their expressions and presence, but these are your emotions, reactions, projections, assumptions.

I often hear people describe themselves as highly sensitive or as empaths and I always wonder about their boundaries. It seems a fundamental misunderstanding about where you end and others begin, rather than the kind of intuition and emotional sophistication which it is claimed to be.

[Out There]

I'm like this too , it can feel like a curse and a blessing. More questions could be , Have I been around people who are negative or draining , or been in a place where something has happened which has residual energy ? There's lots on YouTube about learning to shield and protect yourself , but being conscious of it is a good start. One thing I found useful was when we feel uncomfortable around people , we may say we don't like them , which actually translates as " I don't accept your energy " We often don't think of everything at its most fundamental is being energy.

[koru_kiwi]

Originally Posted by seeker33

Thank you everyone but this is difficult to explain. I truly do feel emotions of others. Even when I don't know them (strangers) and I don't know what happened to them. It's a true curse and extremely difficult to live with, especially when you work with people like I do.
With my T we're trying to find a way to learn to live with this burden.

I feel positive traits as well, I feel when people are good, happy and caring. It's not all negative, but if I could choose, I would get rid of this curse that I haven't asked for.

i'm like this too. my first T picked up on it and mentioned that it had to do with being a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) and she suggested that i read this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensit.../dp/0553062182

[seeker33]

Originally Posted by koru_kiwi

i'm like this too. my first T picked up on it and mentioned that it had to do with being a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) and she suggested that i read this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensit.../dp/0553062182

Thank you, I've read the book and it's great! :-)

[seeker33]

Originally Posted by Out There

I'm like this too , it can feel like a curse and a blessing. More questions could be , Have I been around people who are negative or draining , or been in a place where something has happened which has residual energy ? There's lots on YouTube about learning to shield and protect yourself , but being conscious of it is a good start. One thing I found useful was when we feel uncomfortable around people , we may say we don't like them , which actually translates as " I don't accept your energy " We often don't think of everything at its most fundamental is being energy.

Thank you so much for suggesting more questions! :-) Saying "I don't accept this" sounds simple and effective.
Unfortunately, I've had some very negative experience with new age and Chakra meditation etc. Because of that, I'm extremely scared of any mention of "energy", "shielding" or any other new age term. It gives me real PTSD flashback and high anxiety.
That's why we're trying to find a "normal, non-new age" way to cope with this with my T.

[seeker33]

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

This is a lovely explanation and example of confirmation bias. What about all the times you were wrong or were not able to verify whether you were right?

You might be interpretating (sometimes correctly, sometimes not) the behaviour of others and you might feel pain/happiness/anger in response to their expressions and presence, but these are your emotions, reactions, projections, assumptions.

I often hear people describe themselves as highly sensitive or as empaths and I always wonder about their boundaries. It seems a fundamental misunderstanding about where you end and others begin, rather than the kind of intuition and emotional sophistication which it is claimed to be.

Thank you your response and trying to help. I'm sorry but I know its hard to understand if you haven't experienced it. But just because you don't understand something doesn't mean it's not a real problem for someone else. I'm a rational person, I'm able to think logically. I went to class with extra emphasis on math and science for 10 years.
I don't feel good enough to defend myself or have a scientific discussion here. I'm asking for help from people who believe me or at least can come up with a helpful question for my hw. That's all. Thank you for your understanding.

Originally Posted by seeker33

Thank you your response and trying to help. I'm sorry but I know its hard to understand if you haven't experienced it. But just because you don't understand something doesn't mean it's not a real problem for someone else. I'm a rational person, I'm able to think logically. I went to class with extra emphasis on math and science for 10 years.
I don't feel good enough to defend myself or have a scientific discussion here. I'm asking for help from people who believe me or at least can come up with a helpful question for my hw. That's all. Thank you for your understanding.

What has this got to do with therapy though?

[MrsA]

Originally Posted by seeker33

I truly do feel emotions of others. Even when I don't know them (strangers) and I don't know what happened to them. Later I learn my perception was accurate. I can feel people's character traits, I can feel that someone is an aggressive abuser (at the moment don't show any such behavior but I know 100%sure it is true). I can feel that some of my customers are victims of domestic abuse...

I feel positive traits as well, I feel when people are good, happy and caring.

Actually, this is something I think about a lot. The way it works is, when you see or hear someone doing something, the neurons in your brain mirrors their brain activity and you feel a little of what they feel. This is why seeing a sad person makes you a bit sad, and you feel good when watching people doing things that feel good like dancing or sports. It's just a biological trait to help you learn skills by imitation and function socially. Some people's brains are better at copying physical movements so they might be good athletes. If your brain is better at copying emotions, you can feel other peoples feelings very strongly and some would call you an empath. My personal theory is that something happened when you were very young that made you believe observing your caretaker's emotions was imprtant for your survival so your brain prioritized developing that skill. Sorry, my inner nerd got out for a minute.

You needed questions. How about:

1. What is the difference between sympathy and empathy?

2. Are you feeling it for their sake or for your own?

3. Ok. I know you only wanted 2 questions, but . . . Can you think of a way to turn your curse into a superpower?

PS: I can sometimes tell that someone is in an abusive situation becauae I recognize behaviors I used in the past to try to cover up or hide it. Could you be subconsciously seeing signs that reminded you of another instance where you knew abuse was happening?

[seeker33]

Originally Posted by The mouse

What has this got to do with therapy though?

Feeling energies and emotions of others can be very overwhelming and stressful. Sometimes I feel flashbacks of other people. For example I watched a documentary about a person who's been tortured years ago and sometimes I still feel his ptsd at night. Or I can't sleep and I feel pain of laboratory animals or rainforest trees... I NEVER watch or read anything about it. As soon as I notice something about the topic I turn off /leave immediately so I don't do anything to cause this. But it tortures me and it always gets worse when I feel bad myself.
I know this isn't the same as empathy, I have empathy as well. Both things that add to my own pain.
Also, everything new age gives me real ptsd flashbacksi can't even do compassion meditation that my therapist suggested because I'm scared

[seeker33]

Originally Posted by MrsA

Actually, this is something I think about a lot. The way it works is, when you see or hear someone doing something, the neurons in your brain mirrors their brain activity and you feel a little of what they feel. This is why seeing a sad person makes you a bit sad, and you feel good when watching people doing things that feel good like dancing or sports. It's just a biological trait to help you learn skills by imitation and function socially. Some people's brains are better at copying physical movements so they might be good athletes. If your brain is better at copying emotions, you can feel other peoples feelings very strongly and some would call you an empath. My personal theory is that something happened when you were very young that made you believe observing your caretaker's emotions was imprtant for your survival so your brain prioritized developing that skill. Sorry, my inner nerd got out for a minute.

You needed questions. How about:

1. What is the difference between sympathy and empathy?

2. Are you feeling it for their sake or for your own?

3. Ok. I know you only wanted 2 questions, but . . . Can you think of a way to turn your curse into a superpower?

PS: I can sometimes tell that someone is in an abusive situation becauae I recognize behaviors I used in the past to try to cover up or hide it. Could you be subconsciously seeing signs that reminded you of another instance where you knew abuse was happening?

Thank you. Yes, I had a bad childhood. Mirror neurons make sense. Although I feel the emotions without seeing behaviors too. For example I know someone is aggressive bad person while he's polite and smiling.
I agree it has a physical explanation, I'm not interested in proving its supernatural. But it still annoys me and only adds to the own problems.
Your question number 2...well it's like asking do I hear loud noise for my sake or for my loud neighbours sake? So I don't try to feel anything, I just feel it even when I don't want to. Just like you see colours or hear music... I feel emotions or atmosphere of places. And I'm not trying to help the person or anything. It's just there.
Also, English is my second language so I apologize if I didn't understand this question correctly. Please explain if you meant something different, as I'm not 100% sure about my interpretation.

Your question number 3 is good and logical... I will be forced to live with it for the rest of my life and I should find peace with it... Although I hate this thing from the bottom of my heart and at the moment I'm extremely angry for having it! It only caused me more problems and made my trauma worse.

[seeker33]

I'm also very afraid of everything new age : any mention of energy, vibration, motivational quotes, Buddha pictures, talking about Universe as God, healing crystals... I'm absolutely irrational and crazy but I get real emotional flashback when I see these! I've worked with chakras in the past, did reiki and it caused me to fall into depression, I saw demons at night, cut myself and got suicidal. It all happened during the time I was into new age. It still bothers me a lot, I can't begin to describe how I suffer spiritually (not having any spirituality at all, losing faith in God) and my T doesn't understand why it is a problem for me. She's an atheist and fine with it. She hates religion so she doesn't even like talking to me about this incredibly painful aspect of my trauma.

[MrsA]

Originally Posted by seeker33

...well it's like asking do I hear loud noise for my sake or for my loud neighbours sake? So I don't try to feel anything, I just feel it even when I don't want to. Just like you see colours or hear music... I feel emotions or atmosphere of places. And I'm not trying to help the person or anything. It's just there.
Also, English is my second language so I apologize if I didn't understand this question correctly. Please explain if you meant something different, as I'm not 100% sure about my interpretation.

No, problem. English is not my first language either. You write so well I'd never have guessed you're not native. You asked what I mean by if you feel for your sake or their sake.

Scenario 1
If you feel sad because something bad happened to you, you are feeling sad for yourself.

Scenario 2
If you feel sad because something bad happened to someone else, you are sad because you know they feel sad. You do not have the same reason to be sad, you are sad because you don't want someone else to be sad. I think that is sympathy.

I may be wrong, but I think empathy comes from knowing how you would feel if something happened to you. Someone's parent dies. You imagine how you would feel if your parent dies. You feel pain that you believe they must be feeling and it motivates you to be kind.

Same thing happens when you see someone break a leg. You imagine how much it would hurt to break your leg and empathy might affect how you behave in the situation. Because of empathy, you might think you feel someone's emotions, but it is your brain guessing how they are feeling so you can act appropriately and be accepted socially.

What do you think? I'm really just guessing too.

[Out There]

Maybe we're all guessing , but this is a very interesting thread. I was just thinking how animals , particularly dogs , react to some people. We can't apply a lot if things to dogs that we might rationalize to explain something. Well , this person seems OK , is presenting the smiley face , but for some reason the dog is snarling and baring it's teeth at them.

[seeker33]

MrsA- I get it now. Well, I do feel sympathy for them enemies I see the behavior or know the reason they feel sad. That's normal. It happens often, too, so it'll be helpful to remind myself that I personally don't have a reason to feel sad, because that bad thing didn't happen to me. It might calm me down a little... Although with things like animal abuse or rainforest it's not too easy to say "it's not my problem". I do everything I can to avoid seeing negative news about it. I've cancelled all my "serious" Facebook pages, but sometimes even pages meant for entertainment share pictures of abused animals.

Out there - the example with dogs is absolutely correct! My problem isn't so much feeling for people when there's a logical reason. It's about feeling their emotions or personality traits when they act normal. I work in a shop so I meet many customers daily. We don't talk much and 99% only say normal polite phrases. But I still feel sadness, domestic abuse, or evil character. Actually, feeling narcissistic character is even more difficult for me than feeling temporary sadness.
On the other side, I can feel safeness and positive character traits as well. So it's not all about negativity. However, just like with your normal encounters, negative ones seem more memorable.

Again, I'm not claiming it's supernatural in any way. I don't care to prove it's about "energy" or whatever. It may be absolutely natural. The fact is it can be exhausting.