Why do I feel like this?

So, as I may have said before somewhere (I dont remember) I have found a new T. We have only just had our first appointment and our second will happen within the next couple of days. And something came up. First in the interview and again during the appointment. So I was told my personality type is Enneagram 5, the Investigator. He told my mother about my type and about the personality test. Although, it was the short version.

HUGE TRIGGER WARNING
he also told me that my anger and aggression may be caused by genetics after I told him about how my father's side has a history of violence. One time even almost going as far as.....well.... you can figure it out.

And I have grown a (paranoia?) That he is hiding something from me. I get that I have pretty sever issues. I understand I'm not normal. But what could possibly be so bad that he's hiding it from me? Not knowing is driving me crazy! I mean yeah, he said that I have suffered a lot of trauma. I get that. But I feel like he's not telling me something. But maybe I'm just being impatient. It WAS only the first appointment and we are both still hesitant and getting used to each other.

And I cant help but feel degraded. Something about him triggers me in a way like never before. In a way that's changing my thoughts and behavior. I have been flying into violent fits of rage in which the pillows suffer. As well as the vacuum and spare mattresses. And the paint on the walls. It's like my rage with my abusive ex-stepmom times 40. I have NEVER felt anger like this. People have told me I have been acting very selfish and inappropriate. I love learning, dont get me wrong. But now I feel confined, controlled, and challenged. Infact, recently my father got on my case for destroying my bed frame. But I didn't care, not...one...bit. this could be the fact that I lost my oldest cat. (I wont mention much detail here. I might post it in the relationship thingy)

My mom told T that she wants him to help me focus on school more. To follow social standards and do what's expected of me. Though, I want none of that. But my parents have been very pushy on the subject. And my first instinct is to fight back. Every time I try to tell someone that I feel like they are neglecting my feelings, they just say I'm just thinking about myself. And I deny this, saying I'm just trying to be independent. My mom told T how I'm living in a delusion because I feel like I can get away with not following social norms. And he agreed with her. I feel terrified. I feel angry. Beyond what I believe to be humanly possible. Something in me is snapping its teeth with the intention of harm. It's not a boiling rage I often see people describe. Its wild and animalistic. Cold and deadly. Powerful beyond belief. Why am I being antagonized like this? Why dose it feel like no one sees?

Are you a minor?

Yes, I'm 14

Hey JupiterBraytech,
I think I get the anger you are talking about (or something similar). I was 9 or 10 years old when it started and it lasted many, many years. I can’t say that it has gone away by any means but I can control it better now. My experience was that no one understood. Yeh, they would say I had anger issues, yes I would be punished for outbursts but I didn’t care and the punishments never meant anything. Until current T I have always fully believed that the T has some kind of ulterior motives and only pretended to have concern for me and that they were hiding how much they knew about me. Now with current T I can see that far from hiding anything they just didn’t see SO many things that I thought their training would let them see/understand. IDK if that might resonate or not. Having parents in the mix defining the goals would have really pushed me over the edge.
By trigger do you mean that he brings the anger out or that he brings up other feelings/memories? What are the kinds of social norms your mom is wanting you to follow? It is hard when we have such a strong reaction to a T so quickly.
There is a lot of my personal story at the angry point in my life that I will not disclose on the main forum but you are welcome to PM me if you want. I have met a lot of people that have a rage inside of them and I know I am one of them. I have met others who’s rage has brought them to the same dangerous places my rage brought me. I haven’t found anyone I feel truly understood the rage and it’s dangers.
I also have a son who has antisocial personality disorder. In being the mom I found out even more clearly how much people, even in mental health, do not understand.

Actually, would mind if I went ahead and PM you?