Have you ever told a T your deepest darkest secret?

Yes or no? Why? If yes, was T still accepting of you?

I'm thinking of telling L my deepest darkest secret. I feel like she can't possibly unconditionally love me unless she knows my secret. But I'm afraid she'll leave me or hate me if I tell her. I once wrote it here on the forums and some people stopped talking to me. I told ex-T, and she abandoned me 4 months later. Maybe the timing was coincidence?

I don't want to lose L, but I feel like a fraud because she doesn't know. I have told a few people in my life: T, ex-T, a different ex-T, my husband. I told some women from my church when they performed an exorcism on me. I don't think anyone except people here or my ex-T have judged me too harshly.

I don't know what to do! I'm probably going to risk it. I'm just so scared!

And if I'm repeating a thread, I'm sorry. My memory doesn't work so well nowadays.

No, not yet. I too feel like I could not be accepted if my darkest secret were known. But the truth is I can't accept it in myself. I outright reject that part of me. I don't ever want to bring it to light where another human might see it. But I know I need to. Sometime.
It sounds like you need to do this thing. It seems like it isn't just going to lie low or go away. It looks like you have a need to tell T this thing.
If you need practise, if you need a compassionate non-judgemental ear, you can practise by telling me.

You can practice on me too if you want. I'm pretty nonjudgmental. I've heard almost everything from my friends and still love them regardless.

Most people have "heard" of it, but probably never met someone with this secret. None of my Ts have, though T did say that she's sure there are more people out there with this secret than I think there are.

But I will not post it openly on the forums again. That did not yield a good experience.

Yes told t and it was met with nothing but compassion and understanding.

No but I’ve really been wanting to tell him lately because keeping it in is killing me. I’m afraid to tell him though. I’ve been contemplating posting it anonymously online somewhere to see how terrible the average person thinks it is.

Thank you for sharing, SP.
I'd say you're a pretty normal human being. We've all done stuff we're not proud of, but in the end, it's usually only about 0.0001% of what makes up our being. You're okay.

Yes I have it was very very hard and I didn't really use all the right words so he didn't totally understand and I had to correct them afterwards but I still couldn't use the right words in the end he understood my secret it was the most painful thing ever and he's the only one I've ever told it to he didn't seem to think any less of me he said that it is normal for somebody who's been through what I've been through but I know it's not normal because I can rarely ever find anything about it online but he took it very well do not make me feel shame for anyting

I can't understand "deepest darkest secrets". What do people mean? Murder or other extreme crimes? If not criminal matters, what might a secret be? Moral transgressions? I don't tell many people things about myself and there are things which I haven't shared with my therapist, but I don't think of them as "secrets".

It depends on what type of secret it is. If I had a secret that could land me a jail sentence or another form of legal trouble...then no...I wouldn’t tell the therapist but if it’s not something like that then I would definitely tell the therapist especially if it was a childhood thing or something.

You can PM me your secret if you want practice telling someone. I wont judge you. If you do decide to PM though-don’t worry if I don’t respond right away. It doesn’t mean I’m disgusted or anything like that-I’m just doing a few things today.

I used to be very secretive and the kind of person for whom intimacy kinda equaled to having deep mutual trust and sharing secrets with people... and when I had a desire to be very close to someone, wanted them to understand me deeply, or I wanted to know them very well - I kinda habitually sought this avenue. I have a long string of relationships like that in my history... not with Ts, mostly with friends and romantic partners. I also often aspired to be the confidant of others in ways they had never experienced before. When I first started therapy, I imagined it to be that way as well... it's just that the construct of therapy and the specific Ts I chose did not end up being compatible with that pattern. By this point in life, it has changed quite a bit and I don't really have new secrets or feel like dumping some of the old ones again because knowing me would be incomplete without, and also don't necessarily want to hear other people's secrets unless we have some really close personal association and chemistry... but I think I can very much understand the motivation. In the past, I actually considered becoming a therapist myself, largely driven by that desire to know the deepest and darkest things about people (plus having a strong sense that probably nothing could disturb me too much and that I would be able to keep confidences easily unless perhaps I am tortured somehow) ... so I would assume many of those that are Ts also have some form of it. Unless they get jaded or lose it over time - this is what I probably would try to gauge before sharing something very significant.

It sounds like you mostly had good experiences sharing it with people in your life, except one T and some people on this forum... and you don't even know for sure that those people lost interest due to that particular confession or something else. I am with Jersey on this - if it was something that conflicts with the law or could lead me in major trouble in other ways in the present, I likely would not share it with a paid professional unless I have a really deep sense of trust and confidentiality. I would trust my own intuition in this regard. For anything else, if I had a desire to tell, I would just look for or create a suitable context (e.g. why it is so important to you, ways you feel blocked by it) and share it in some meaningful form. Maybe in writing if it is too hard to say. Given that you are able to have that kind of trust in therapy and in a T, which sounds like you do.

The secret is illegal where I live, however, I do not think anyone in my life would ever "tell on me". And I think it fits in the realm of confidentiality in therapy.

You can PM me. I'm pretty non-judgmental. Well, except towards myself.

My secret you can't find much online least in support.

I'm glad your T responded well.

No one will probably tell on you..I said about the legal thing because I have a fear of going to jail. I have never done anything that I would land in jail for, but the idea of jail triggers me for whatever reason.

My secret was something that was extremely embarrassing and shameful for me. So bad I could not even use the right words to describe it. I kind of just hinted around the edges and he put the rest together.

I can't verbally say the words of my secret. I can write it out, but not the actual word.

When I talk to T about "it", we always call it "it" or "the secret". And I always pretend it's about another person. I can't verbally own up to it. It takes her awhile to catch on, but she does.

One way some people told me things like that in the past was making a fantasy story out of it and sharing that... or finding some piece of literature or art that was about similar, directly or symbolically. Basically turning real experiences into metaphor and then decoding the metaphorical narrative. That could be mutually very interesting and satisfying for everyone involved although it could easily get out of control at times (kinda addictive). It does take a certain kind of interest, perception and skill in my experience. I did try that sort of language with my Ts but none of them seemed to have the affinity for it. I know some Ts do though (I know some personally via my work). I think some Jungian analysts like that sort of highly symbolic interaction, for example. I'm saying all this because, in case you would like to unwrap and process that secret more than just sharing it as a fact, that kind of fantasy-language can be a much easier way of doing it... given that you can and want to communicate and the other person can engage in that way.

No, not my deepest darkest. I've told them secrets of course. Painful things. Shameful things. None of the T's I've told have ever treated me with anything but unconditional positive regard. I recently told current T a secret and she didn't really respond. That was kind of painful. She did sort of make up for it later but not having anything to say about it at the time was kind of hurtful. Later I could tell that she was treating me with empathy. Maybe she just didn't know what to say at that point in time but I assume as a therapist she would have heard stuff like that before.

I'm not sure I even know my darkest secret. But my T is always accepting so I'd be comfortable sharing anything

No, probably not.

I just talked to L on the phone. She reassured me that even if I tell her my secret, she will still love me. She said she doesn't expect me to be an angel. She said a professor once told her that we're all angel AND all monster. Don't know how I feel about that. She said even if I told her I murdered my own family or if I just murdered 3 people yesterday, that she would still love me though I might need a higher level of care. No, I've never murdered anyone.

Thank you all for your replies and support. I'm going to tell L on Friday. I'm going to write it out and hand it to her. I need to do this. I just can't move forward if I don't. I'm going to be a nervous wreck until then. But after some of your personal responses and talking to L, I think I can do this.

Good for you SP. My T also told me that she wouldn’t think differently of me if i’ve murdered someone.

I'm glad L was able to ease some of the concern. I hope it goes well and you are able to get what you need from it.

there are details about my teen years that I am not proud of. T knows that and has a basic vague idea but that is all. It doesn't pertain to or effect anything in my current life so we dont discuss it.