Still struggling to feel welcome here

hopealwayz, try to take a few deep breaths. Remember what you have said before about your T that was positive and good. Your T will want to see you and your T will want to help you. HUGS. Try to trust that. Kit

I’m very scared that he will treat me differently because I was honest with him. Now I may have lost those good qualities. I did tell him that I was happy for him. Maybe he is avoiding me.

It’s hard not to be scared and anxious now. I keep thinking the worst like what if I’ve ruined things with the best therapist that I’ve ever had.

HUGS hopealwayz, you didn't ruin everything good with your therapist. Everything will be okay. HUGS Kit

Therapists want you to be honest. If you’re not, you’re wasting yours’ and his time.

Trust me on this.

It may feel awkward, but it’s going to help you going forward. He agreed to see you a day earlier and the office manger got back to you in a very reasonable period of time.

Allow yourself to accept/ feel good about that.

Here's a link to DocJohn's article, from PC's archives, on the subject: when you disclose too much in therapy:

When You Disclose Too Much in Therapy

That is an excellent article. Excellent words to understand what happens during the process.

T just called me and we talked for about 10 minutes.

So he is still by my side. I’m so glad that he handled that honesty and didn’t throw me out or give up on me.

Maybe that helped my trust grow a little bit.

Had a good session with T today. He asked me about the jealousy comment and I explained it. I told him that I was truly happy for him.

I have another appointment with him tomorrow morning.

I'm glad you went and I'm glad you had a good session. HUGS Kit

He didn’t freak out about the jealousy comment. I just can’t believe that I have such amazing therapist.

When I lost my first therapist, I thought I’d never get over that pain. And now, my current therapist is the best one that I’ve ever had.

I’m trying to find an online journal or something similar so I can work on stuff between sessions and then he would access it to see my stuff.

I think he has finally earned my complete trust so I’m going to open up more about the deeper stuff.

If anyone can recommend any kind of online journal or private blog, please let me know.

I also told him about wanting to miss my appointments in November because I was worried that he would be too distracted. His response was a question. He asked me if maybe I was doing that to sabotage myself.

That would be great if he’s willing to do the extra work in between sessions. If not, you can always print out your journal entries and bring them in. They could serve as excellent starting points for your sessions.

So glad to hear your T responded well, Hope! It makes such a massive difference when you have a T who allows you to just say things how they are. I want to be able to talk about my jealousy too, but haven't managed to yet. I'm fairly certain she knows though. Like Finders said, if your T can't look at your blog/ journal then bringing in entries is a good alternative. I've done this with my T.