Couch 205: The 5 x 41 Couch

There was even some bonus rhyme and rhythm in that

Good lord judges are pompous.

And for the record I am against baseball’s anti-trust exemption.

Hey, una—see how SD gave us each one? Cause otherwise we would bicker about who she loves more. (Obviously me since mine’s longer.)

Bicker? Us? PC's own Bickersons?

I’m gonna have to figure something out. I don’t know how I would eat dinner there. I don’t like any of the foods they leave for me to cook for the kids and then when the 4 and 2 year old are feeding themselves their dinner I’m feeding the infant his dinner, then he gets a bottle after his baby food. After that it’s clean up from dinner then bath time for all 3 kids (takes almost an hour to get all 3 of them bathed. 4 year old tries to wash himself in the tub but he doesn’t do it well so I still have to wash him after he washes). Even if I brought my own food..I honestly do not know when I would eat it. I could eat something substantial when the 2 year old and infant are taking a nap at 1pm, but if I did that I would still be hungry when I get home after 8:30 anyway.

Like suck on a slim-fast while youre feeding the baby? They have higher protein ones now, they arent all carb like they used to be. Or a protein bar? Geez, when do you get to pee?

I was going to suggest a protein bar--not dinner, but some sort of calories/energy. Protein shake could work, too. Sounds exhausting...

Morning couch. It's snowing here today when it was in the 80s yesterday. I'm already in a bad mood. I see T in less than 2 hours and I'm actually feeling upset that it's our weekend after today. Especially with being inpatient over the weekend and the talk about needing more support yesterday.

HUGS @SheHulk07

Hi Couchies, I had the most bizarre T session last night. T came out to the waiting room to get me and looked around (it was pretty busy) but it was like she didn't even see me. No recognition or anything. So I got up and then when we got to her office she left twice before she came in and sat down (neither time was long enough for her to go to the bathroom or something, IDK what she was doing). The beginning started okay. She asked me about Pastor T and stuff. I told her I had gotten to 51 days no SH. We talked about setting a new goal. I said 100 days and she said that was too much. To go for 75 days, so I said okay. Then I was talking about work. (Nothing traumatic.) So then she starts talking about trauma and the effects of trauma. I didn't see how it related but I was like oh-okay. And then at the end of her talk about trauma she said how ice cream makes everything better and she told me her favorite ice cream flavors. Hmm. Okay. So I tried to relate that back to something we were talking about so I talked about how one time I went to the ER for SH and we got ice cream afterwards. She looked like she was very far away. Like she wasn't even focusing on me. So I just talked for a while. Rambled. I talked about the hallucinations and stuff. Then she started talking about handbags. And she was like oh sorry, I got distracted. I was like, oh-okay. No problem. Then I talked some more. Then she said something about a snake that eats spiders. I was like, uh---okay, well, I guess that would have been helpful with the hallucinations which happened to be about spiders but the talk of hallucinations was like 10 minutes ago. So she was like, oh yeah, how are those going? (I was thinking, we just talked about this.) So I started getting quiet because she was acting very oddly. Then she started talking about my son (I have no children) who went to see the psychiatrist and then she talked about how we should have free upper education for everyone. I had no idea how to get the session back on track, so I was like, well I'm not really worried about that right now. She forgot that I live with my parents. She forgot that my Mom is bipolar. At times she didn't seem to know who I was. It was very bizarre and I felt very uncomfortable. She said that if I have lived this long and hadn't killed myself then I was probably going to live. I talked about Active Suicidality verses Passive Suicidality. She said, well you aren't in and out of the hospital, so you're probably fine. I was like, yeah, I'm fine right now, I wasn't fine at the beginning of September, I was in a very bad way. She seemed to be asking me stock therapy questions like what brings you back, what takes you forward? I tried to answer them but when I did, I didn't really get any response, she just sort of sat there or moved on to a new topic. It was very disjointed. She asked what I was going to think about on the way home and I wanted to say how bizarre this was, but I just said something like, oh what I have to do at work tomorrow. She said I was doing really good. I was like, yeah, right now, at this moment I'm doing good, but remember last week, I wasn't...I asked her if she had a long day and she shook her head yes. I asked her if she was tired and she shook her head yes. I hope that is all that it was. She's probably in her 70s. I hope it isn't dementia or something setting in because it was the most bizarre session I've ever had. She responded about stuff I wasn't even talking about. I thought, gee I paid for this? I felt totally unheard and totally invisible. Which just made me feel really bad about myself. But I tried to tell myself if something is going on with her it has nothing to do with me. But it sure was affecting the space. I still feel really weird this morning, like WTH just happened in there? And worried about her because I've never seen her like that. At times she was just staring off into space. So I just stopped talking because I think I was making it worse. I don't know what to think. It was just very bizarre.

I think you need a new, more active therapist. This one is irregularly available and apparently has health issues.

Or maybe make like a ham n cheese tortilla rollup? Ive only ever had them at parties but they are yummy. Slice them up so you can pop em in your mouth while youre feeding baby. Can you tell im hungry? I need to call jimmyjohns.

@SlumberKitty - Wow, Kit. That sounds incredibly painful. Given this situation, it may prove to be beneficial that things are changing for you regarding services towards the end of the year. Meanwhile, I hope you can begin to look for a T who can be more available to you.

Thanks guys.
Yeah. I’m gonna go out today and buy some low cal low sugar protein drinks and protein bars.

I know slim fast, Atkins and Premier Protein usually has a lot of shakes and bars that are not high in sugar and calories.

This family is killing me.

Take a bite of your jimmyjohns for me. I always salivate when I see their commercials. I may be able to ham and cheese roll ups at work. They always have tons of lunch meat there or I can bring my own.

SlumberKitty,

I hope you are able to find someone new. This therapist behavior is troublesome. It honestly does sound like She starting to lose it. I have trouble believing that she was acting that way just from being tired.

That's really weird, SK. It almost seems like she thought you were someone else, between not recognizing you in the waiting room and mentioning your son, plus some of the other stuff. And she was talking about the random stuff...it almost sounds like *she* was dissociating. Or just really confused. I'd send her an email about it, even just to say that you hope she's OK because she seemed really out of it last night and unlike herself. It's good you weren't in a really bad state this time...

Yeah slumber, i agree. 70 is the new 90. Dont let us old people fool you.

Yeah they are not exactly "clean eating" but the biggest losers on weight watchers seem to eat tons. It just kills me.

Sigh. I really want to SH. I hate feeling invisible and like I don't matter.

Hugs, SK...please know that it was your T and not you. You matter to us.

I just spent 4 days trying to get a prescription refilled over the phone. My drs office just wasnt doing it, i had no idea why. They finally did it, but omg i almost gave myself a stroke in the meantime. I feel so sick still. I was like, why arent they calling it in? They say they will but they dont!

I know im overreacting - okay i guess i know. It feels like a matter of life and death. I need my med. This is SO parental. SK, thanks for helping me give voice to my feelings.

HUGS unaluna Dr's offices can be such pains when they don't do what they say they will do. And it's a medication! I mean, it's something you NEED. I'm glad you advocated for yourself. You are worth fighting for!

it's so frustrating to feel like no one is listening, i hope you are in the mend soon.

I feel like my t is irritated with me and like I’m bothering him based on our email exchange. Would anyone want to read the exchange and let me know if you get the same vibe?

I can read it. Feel free to PM it if you don’t want to post it out in the open.