Nanny 911

My T wants me to watch this to get ways to deal with my child parts temper tantrums. I do not think they are having temper tantrums but he does. Since I never had kids I have no idea how to handle them expect the abusive way I was handled.

I don't know. Seriously? Is the going to work. I can never envision myself disciplining myself because that is what it is!

It seems like you and he are not on the same page anymore. This seems like a strange thing to suggest a client do. It feels kind of shaming to me.

That seems like an odd suggestion to me. My T would tell me that those parts are needing something and WE (not just me) need to figure out what their behavior is trying to tell us and what they need. He isn’t the sort to respond to a temper tantrum with punishment or discipline.
As a mom I learned quickly that punishing my child often made things harder on me and found other ways to deal with behaviors.
But... I have never seen nanny 911

Punishment and discipline are not the same thing.

Kids lose control of themselves because they are not able to figure out how to communicate what they need, or they have pushed themselves further than their own ability to cope, or they have learned to use their tantrum as a way to get what they want because they adults in their life haven’t taught them healthy boundaries or healthy ways to communicate what they need. Kids really don’t want to be in charge; it’s scary to them, and sometimes acting out is their effort to get the adults in their life to pay attention and help them cope. I’m wondering if your inner kid is running the show and it is needing that modeling of internal boundaries to help it calm and find safety. Is that perhaps where your T is going with this? Not sure, but your T should be able to further explain.

Nanny 911 can't hurt. I used parenting skills with my little parts the same way I parented my daughter. I'd have loved a real world lesson in what to do with my daughter and my parts when they were acting out.. Obviously not every episode is going to be useful. Take what looks good and leave the rest. it's no different from me putting Barney tapes in for my sobbing little parts to settle them. It's just another tool.

Never watch this rubbish programmes. Bring suggested to by a T? I'd find another T.

Sounds like she trained at lasthopesch. Com

Hey @MoxieDoxie no offense to you or your T but as a professional your T should know better:

Quote:

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie My T wants me to watch this to get ways to deal with my child parts temper tantrums. I do not think they are having temper tantrums but he does. Since I never had kids I have no idea how to handle them expect the abusive way I was handled. I don't know. Seriously? Is the going to work. I can never envision myself disciplining myself because that is what it is!

Those Televised Supernannies May Be Just a Bit Too Super - The New York Times
I am not saying the shows do not have good tips but seriously, what professional recommends a reality show?

I never watched Nanny 911 but I do remember Supernanny back in the day. I think one of the messages I took away was to love the little one even when they freak out and cry and meltdown, maybe that isn't such a bad message when the little part of you is melting down, to try and have compassion and love for yourself. If you are anything like me, it's not a bad idea to have a time out every now and then either lol

I know when my little has a tantrum the feelings seem bigger than he knows what to do with and so we just sit together, I hug him, we wait and I am there, no yelling while he is mid tantrum as it doesn't do anything, he can't hear me in that state. Maybe those are things to think about when your little part is active.

I watched on and it was very triggering to me.

I did not realize how triggering it would be. How bad it would make me feel because I was in too much fear as a child to even act out enough to communicate how bad things were. That no one came to my rescue that I suffered in silence my entire life. On top of that my first instincts were to back hand the kids in the face. I have not changed at all. I am just as evil in my heart as I always have been.

I never had children so I have no frame of reference or experience with declining children.

Oh moxie, thats not you, thats "them".

Have you read Living with Ed by Jenny Shafer? It freaked me out, because the voice of her eating disorder is exactly the voice of my parents, and i never realized it until i read her book, how negative they sounded. Like what you say about wanting to backhand - thats not you, thats them. Its like an instinct, only its not a true instinct - its just what you were taught, its how you were raised.

We have different potentials in us, different buckets. Fill one, thats what is returned to others. Fill a different one with kindness.

@MoxiDoxi we all have moments of wanting to backhand people and/or children in the face. I am sorry it was triggering for you. I doubt your T had the insight to even think it may be triggering for you.
My T tells me a lot about his granddaughter to help me understand how I should have been treated and what my little ones need. She is still a baby so there isn’t acting out or bad behaviors that would have gotten me hurt as a kid BUT all the nurture is very triggering. T has learned that sharing about his granddaughter is extremely helpful to my process but it has to be in small doses with him monitoring my reaction very closely.
Please don’t think you are a bad person for wanting to backhand kids that are acting out. Thinking and doing are totally different things.

Anyone have any links to parenting techniques to deal with traumatized children who act out? My T is not letting go of this technique with me. I have to learn parenting skills to learn how to deal with my acting out inner child.

He asked me if I would at least TRY. So I am supposed to research techniques and discuss them at next session.

Maybe look into "therapeutic parenting"? I have heard about that as parenting approach that works well with kids who have experienced trauma.

I don't think that there is a problem with wanting to smack a child. The difference in good parenting versus bad is not the urge - it is that one doesn't do it despite the urge.

Therapeutic Parenting: Practical Applications - Creating a Family | Creating a Family

This explains why I feel the way I do. She is brilliant.

AHA parenting is a good resource, Hand in hand parenting podcasts are good. I agree, it's perfectly normal to want to hit (especially if that was how you were treated as a child), it very different wanting to and actually doing it. I have kids and one thing that helps me, is trying to remember that my kid is not trying to give me a hard time, they are having a hard time. Use empathy first and listen to what they want to say... no solutions, just space to be seen and heard..

Also, if you lose your ****, it's ok, it's normal, just start again without being hard yourself (empathy for your adult self too). It's a big learning curve... we're trying to break the cycle of generations of abusive behaviour - it's not going to happen overnight.

ps. I dislike Supernanny, Nanny 911 etc, they're more into changing behaviour rather than finding/healing the source of the behaviour. That's why they leave babies to cry at night... no empathy.

I do not have any kids.

Crap.

I sent him an email that perhaps my inner child does not need discipling and he replies he is eager to hear my thoughts on needing soothing and he wonders what would happen if googled videos on how to sooth children.

This is annoying me. I don't know how this is helping.

It sounds as though you've connected with something he wants you to realise. Perhaps you could try seeking information on how to soothe children, so that you can befriend the parts of you that are responding to the pain of your situation.

I have not read this entire thread so I aplogize if this has already been.

You state that helping your inner child is basically a useless idea and it is not helping, you don't have any kids. Have you read your signature lately? You do have an inner child from your past that is hurting and looking for some parent figures. They need comforting. Unfortunately the only one thatvcan do that is you. Your signature states they look for that nurturing in others. It cannot come from others. If so, would you not think it would have happened by now?

Why not try to approach your T ideas with an open mind. This does not mean giving it a half hearted attempt but really putting your heart into it like your life depended on it. Because in reality your future happiness in life does depend on it. I see from your posts that you are hurting. What have you got to lose except years of happiness.

Once I learned that my T cannot FIX me and I can only use his guidance and expertise to teach me how to put in the work needed to fix myself, I finally started to make progress. Did I think some of the things were weird, stupid, too hard to deal with? YES!! But I am also the one now benefitting from all the work I have put in and the new skills are starting to become natural .

BTW I have DID and tes I had to learn to parent my little ones which was very uncomfortable and hard in the beginning because I had no experience with what good parenting was all about. My T still reminds me and helps me with this.

Great so do you have any literature of video on how to sooth a hurting inner child? I have a very hard time finding compassion for my younger parts.

Sorry Moxie I have not read up on it. My T has mostly coached tgrough what to say and do but there are millions of books and videos on parenting which I think is what your T has been suggesting. I am not trying to be rude or insensitive. I know it is hard but there are sources easily available. I have read some books on working with internal family systems whi h has given me some ideas. I take what I want and discard the rest.

Have you asked your T to try and coach you through to get started? I know it is not what you want to do. I hear the hostility every time you post about this topic. Maybe you are just not ready at thus time. I hope someday you can find the courage to give it an honest try so you can have a happier life. No one can force you though it has to come when you are ready because you will be the one who has to do the work. When you are ready you will be able to accept recommendations from your T and will actively seek out sources to help you.

Until then I wish you the best. I understand really, I have lived in depression and misery for 50 some years. I never thought I would say I am grateful that I almost died in a car accident, but it led me to a T that finally sees my problems and is helping me move slowly to a more normal life. I wush the same for you.

I feel that if Moxie feels this strongly about these recommendations, her T should see that it is causing issues and come up with some new ideas instead of continuing with the current suggestions. How is the relationship supposed to work if one half of it becomes an immovable object? Maybe this would work for her, but maybe she's right and it's just not for her and he should listen to her with an open mind.