Old therapist talking with new therapist

It sounds like your termination wasn't smooth with T#1, and it sounds like you haven't addressed your concerns about not having benefited from the treatments you received from T#1. It sounds like T#1 inflated her termination list by indicating her missed perceptions of how you responded to certain treatments. If you feel like T#1's list is inaccurate (for whatever reason), then you should mention that to T#2. I was confused about your prior relationship with T#1, since I thought you canceled and didn't know her. Now that I know you had previously had a longstanding relationship with T#1 and have not felt a sense of closure with the termination, then it seems like you're still attached to T#1, and you're having a hard time letting go. If you have had a hard time letting go of T#1, and then tried to ask T#1 to speak with T#2, then that would be a form of triangulation on your part. If T#1 decided to speak with T#2 of her own volition, largely because you are not adhering to her boundaries related to the termination between you and T#1, then that makes termination and moving on and closure all the more harmful for you, since it perpetuates any hardships you may be perceiving from the termination, and it hinders the relationship you can have with T#2; this, too, is triangulation, which isn't fair to everyone involved.

It sounds like attachment, triangulation, and boundaries are all issues involved in this scenario, and that everyone involved now is at a toxic crossroads. It's a toxic double-bind that only a qualified supervisor or a qualified therapist can rectify, or that you as the client can, if you are capable, make the choice to seek treatment elsewhere and find a healthy environment.

Asking about what positives someone else meant is like asking us to read minds; we don't know your T#1, and even if you read out the list, we don't understand the dynamics and history you and T#1 had together. We cannot speak for T#1; we can only speak from what we are hearing you say here.

It sounds like you are having a tough time letting go, that you don't want to seek treatment elsewhere, that you are still attached to your T#1, that triangulation is an issue for at least two parties involved (you and T#1, transference and countertransference, maybe), and that whatever positives may exist have been masked by all the negatives that ensued thereafter.

You may be seeking reasons to stay or to continue to hold onto T#1, but you will not get the answers you seek from anyone other than yourself. Only you can decide.

Not a chance. I'd tell new therapist that you appreciate her telling you that, and that you just aren't comfortable with not knowing what they talked about. Tell her you are worried that it will affect your relationship with her.

I have been thinking about this.

I think that my former therapist is actually violating HIPAA. It's not uncommon for current and former therapists to talk with each other. I worked with the former therapist for three years and six months; it was a deep, committed relationship and work. While I do not agree with all of the former therapist's conceptualization of me, I think that she has some important and helpful insights that she could pass on to the new therapist. The new therapist agrees with this, too. Therefore, both the former and the current therapists would like for me to sign the release/consent for them to talk with each other.

Under HIPAA, patients have a right to access their treatment records. Since the conversation between the former and the current therapists are part of the release/consent agreement, then according to HIPAA, I have access to what is shared about me.

If it is a traditional consultation in which the new therapist is consulting with the former therapist or another colleague, then I would not have access to those content. It would be under the new therapist's discretion to share her consultations with me. But when it comes to conversations that are from my release/consent, I have access to it. Does it make sense? Therefore, I think that the former therapist is actually violating HIPAA by not allowing me access to what is shared with the new therapist under the release/consent.

Report her if you feel it was a HIPPA violation. Of course, your new T will be culpable in this for allowing it. Both T's would be at risk. But first T would be more responsible. Either way, you will wind up having to see a new T (#3) eventually, leaving behind a painful mess that could have been resolved better by T1 and T2.

Honestly, I like that your new wants to tell you about the conversation. I would be apprehensive to have Ts talk and not tell me about the conversations. My T and Emdr T talked twice. Since I was actually seeing then at the same time they both told me about the conversations and what they said. They both believe strongly in transparency.

I've only had a few therapists and psychiatrists, so my experience probably doesn't have much weight. In any case, I've signed a few releases of information, but I don't actually know if they've talked. But even if they have, as long as I've signed a release, there's nothing that says they're obligated to tell me what they talk about. To me, it's the same as why you can't/don't read your own chart/file/whatever (at least, I don't anyway). Some of it is just standard practice and the other, I think, is to protect the therapeutic medium

Is the new therapist younger than the previous one? If so, it could be a difference of philosophy. For example, the psych hospital I work at, everything used to be shrouded, so to speak. Not in a bad way, I don't think, just not in front of the patient and between different people in the treatment team. But now, as time has progressed, there's more and more push for greater transparency, so they end up doing rounds in two parts: the first part being what you would traditionally expect and then the second part, they ask the patient not to comment until the end and the treatment team talks amongst each other as if they were in the office, away from the patient, but with the patient right there. It's called Open Dialogue

My psychiatrist and therapist talk readily. I trust them. I know they have my best interests in mind. It is anxiety producing, but I trust them.

On a side note, at the VA, everyone on my treatment team, including T's and doctors - current and past - all have access to the notes. If they want to converse, they don't let me know about it (unless I sign a consent form, which is often vague yet required for continued treatment - a catch-22 it seems). I don't care. I can always request to see a new T if the current T doesn't work out; they're short-term T's anyway, so I'd eventually be assigned a new one anyway. I can always contact the OIG if I have a complaint. Sometimes the VA Crisis Line will contact the OIG for me if I complain to them instead. There's a lot of accountability at the VA, even though there are some improvements that any institution could use. Honestly, I trust the VA more now than the civilian therapists. The VA doesn't play games, and they often have clear goals (not always, but often). Then again, most patients at the VA are veterans, so we have that training behind us, as well as that culture.

In the civilian world, like in your case, discussions between T's may or may not be ethical (regardless if you are aware about it). But once you've been made aware, you've got to ask yourself if it is beneficial to you, or if it is a reaction from your old T. It could be both. It could also be an unethical exchange of previous patient bashing, which I've seen and heard all too well in academic and personal settings, since I've been on the other side of treatment.

The point is to find out what works best for you, and if you can move on and trust your new T with the info, and with your care, most importantly. (((safe hugs)))