Skipping sessions

Xynesthesia2 · Oct 23, 2019, 12:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lrad123

I just left my T’s office. We talked about my canceling last minute for one of my appointments last week. I was stressed about his response but didn’t need to be because he might be the most understanding human ever. He said he missed me. He also said he thinks it might just be that I felt I shared to much the day before and felt that was enough. He said he would still encourage me to come in and talk about that, but I don’t need to if I don’t want to. In the bigger context of being a bit of a perfectionist, he talked about how we are both imperfect people and will make mistakes. He will try not to make mistakes with me, but he likely will and we’ll talk through it. Maybe he won’t respond to a certain email and I’ll feel neglected or maybe he will respond to an email and I’ll be triggered by it. He said it’s messy and we’ll talk it through those things. I was pretty quiet in session, but as I drove home I had tears streaming down my face. My childhood would have been so much easier if my parents had that attitude.

Sounds like you have a great, realistic therapist. I am not sure anyone had that sort of treatment consistently in childhood that compares to the efforts of a T like that, normal life is just much messier.

LonesomeTonight · Oct 23, 2019, 12:44 PM

Aw, I'm glad he responded so well to you. He sounds quite a bit like Dr. T in some of what he said.

Mountaindewed · Oct 23, 2019, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Does your T not understand that you are late because you are coming from work?

It was 10 minutes though which was pretty late. That time it was on me though because I clocked out late and then desperately had to use the bathroom before I left work. I should have gone during my shift. Yeah she knows I come from work though. She’s offered to switch days but I like having my session right after the weekend.

weaverbeaver · Oct 27, 2019, 09:35 AM

I have never skipped my sessions. I enjoy them too much but if I did I think my t would be concerned.

Lrad123 · Oct 27, 2019, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by weaverbeaver

I have never skipped my sessions. I enjoy them too much but if I did I think my t would be concerned.

This makes a ton of sense and I think a lot of people on this forum tend to feel the way you do about skipping. I’m trying to figure out why my automatic response to thinking about my upcoming therapy appointment is to consider skipping. I actually like my T and there is something I like about going, otherwise I wouldn’t have stuck with him for 2 years. Thinking about going often causes me anxiety, though, and I don’t know why because my T has always been consistently kind and nonjudgmental..

seoultous · Oct 27, 2019, 12:27 PM

I think there is a big difference between canceling and just not showing up. I am not saying that there needs to be a crisis to cancel either. It's just that not showing up suggests to me a rupture in the therapeutic relationship and that might be important to address. To intentionally no show is also a bit rude. If you stood up a friend it would be rude. Same goes for standing up a business colleague. To me, its like not showing up for a hair appointment. I would feel compelled to pay the service provider for their time. I would also want to examine why I chose that behavior.

autonoe · Oct 27, 2019, 12:29 PM

I got to the point with my last therapist that my sessions were causing me as much anxiety as other issues I was dealing with. I hated going. I would cancel an appointment every few weeks just to give myself a break, but I always gave at least a few hours notice. He never mentioned it. I got the impression that he had other clients who would just not show up.

HowDoYouFeelMeow? · Oct 27, 2019, 01:40 PM

I sent my T a message that I was hesitant to come to our next session because of a rupture we’re in due to something that originated with her own issues. She had a pretty defensive and reactive reply. This can’t be a good sign...
Also please don’t bash her here. Compassion is much better.

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