Awkward questions with no answers

My psychologist doesn't like to label, but I told him I wanted to hear what's wrong with me and I wanted to hear it from him.

He said "okay." And paused for a moment and then said "I'm sure I'll think of something."

This made me feel like I was wasting his time and I told him that. That if he told me I had a real reason to come, then I wouldn't feel so much like a waste.

I asked if he thinks I should be coming in twice a week. He said it all depends on if it's helpful. I told him "you're the doctor man, talk to me." He then said "do you want to change your times?" I couldn't answer, because I told him I always look forward to seeing him. "Well, you don't have much going on in your schedule, right?" And he was right, I don't and so I'm still going twice a week. Thing is... It's this pity? If he felt I didn't need to see him 2x a week, is he obligated to say something?

He told me to trust the process... I'm trying.

I smiled reading this.
Only because I can identify with your frustration.
But also I'm use to these open ended discussions with T.

But to be fair I tend to push her, and finally get a reply im ok with

I also see my T twice a week, and he's told me that it's up to me how long I want to continue doing that. Like he's not going to say "I think you should switch to once a week." (Though I imagine if I just came in and made small talk each session for a month, he might consider bringing it up.) I think he's just trying to let you decide what you need. I can understand your desire to know what he thinks though.


In terms of labels, my former marriage counselor also didn't like using labels--is your T pyschodynamic? (that's what ex-MC is). I personally find it helpful and validating when my current T will talk about the anxiety I deal with (and have dealt with most of my life) and how challenging, say, being a parent to my daughter (she's on the autism spectrum) can be. It makes me feel like I'm not just overreacting to things. Maybe it would help if you explained to your T why you want to know? I imagine he might not have liked the phrase "what's wrong with me" too, as it implies your defective. Maybe you could put it more as, "What challenges do you think I face?" or "Why do you think I struggle with ________?"

He is psychodynamic. And you're right, I should not have asked it that way. I'm sure he was trying to figure out what would be helpful to me when it comes to my schedule, but at the moment I'm pretty obsessed with him, so of course I'm going to want to see him twice a week and I certainly don't know what's best for me at the moment (I never know what I want). I'm just concerned he held back his opinion because he does not want to hurt me because he knows how attached I am.

This made me awwww a little. In my unprofessional and inexperienced opinion your T said:

There's nothing wrong with you, you are wonderful the way you are.

T also said:

You are not happy with the way your life is, you want to change things, do you think twice a week will help you and not limit you in other areas of your life?

There doesn't have to be something wrong with you to be in therapy! There are things that bother you, things you want to change, and things that aren't working.

I feel that if the therapist can't say what they think the problem is, or if they think the process is helping you, or how they are assessing that now or ongoing, then you have a legitimate concern.

Yeah, that is my concern, but I'm wondering if all therapists are like that. I can't believe it's easy for a therapist to be blunt, even when a client asks them to be.

Oh I realise now what you meant by it's this pity, I think.

How attached you feel, do you yourself see it as an issue for therapy or as separate? Does he?

I am very attached to this man and it's something that does bothers me because I think about him all the time, but I also love seeing him, so even if it seems unhealthy, I won't admit to that. However he doesn't consider it an issue unless I consider it an issue, I guess.

I could not find one either but that's what I would have wanted. And one reason I don't plan to go back to therapy is because many of them prefer to deflect and avoid addressing issues head-on - it is not useful for me that way.

I don't think your question was awkward. He is supposed to be an expert, no? Wanting to know their opinion/diagnosis/recommendation is totally fair, IMO. Maybe not necessarily telling you how frequently to go, but definitely talking about their impressions and professional opinions. Many clients don't seem to want that though and prefer not to be labeled and given direct feedback.