I was telling T some thoughts I've been having around Something.
I have no intention on out then out. I'm afraid I'm cursed with being aware of my positives and my negatives.
Some struggle or are afraid of their shadow side. For me it's in my face. I can't not know any it.
Maribor because my adoptive, psychotic mother would project her fear if her shadow and raise awareness in me of mine. Her wrongly claiming her shadow workings were me! So I'm long accustomed to dreaming with this s**T.

So I'm telling T about some thoughts and asked T if my disclosing them (in not afraid of them) makes her think negatively of me. and T said "No! this isn't bad, it's about being human"

I still struggle on what being human means?
Why would a human be inbuilt to have such thoughts/feelings. (no god lectures please.)

I guess I'm fortunate in being aware of my inner thoughts, that in itself protects me from acting them out from ignorance.

I actually begun discussing this with a work colleague. We've ended up good friends now. With her shutting the office door and discussing her inner demons now too.

It feels so good heading another human apart from T who can be refreshingly honest

[Alioi]

Personally i think it's because our brains are partly the result of evolution as primates. Which of course had a dark side even with the in-group of other humans, as well as altruism.

That's not to say that your mother didn't project hers on to you in an exaggerated way.

Originally Posted by Alioi

Personally i think it's because our brains are partly the result of evolution as primates. Which of course had a dark side even with the in-group of other humans, as well as altruism.

That's not to say that your mother didn't project hers on to you in an exaggerated way.

Oh I'm aware I have my own shadow apart from what was projected into me. I was making the point that I'm aware of it because my mother would say things like "you're using me, you don't love me". Though it was her not loving me, I was a, small child, I begun to notice any feeling /thought I had because I tried to guard against them in the hope of protecting myself from mother seeing them (she seeing her own as mine)

I just wondered why we had then at all. But yes, make sense what you say.
I guess we'd keep falling over ourselves if they didn't exist.

But why can some people not act on them and others do act them out like my mother did...

[Lonelyinmyheart]

The capacity for what we humans would deem as good and evil are in every one of us, imo.

Some of us are lucky enough to be born with an intrinsic sense of wanting to focus on the good - and it does pay dividend, that's how we evolved as a species.

Still others were treated badly themselves and so they are consumed with anger etc and they focus on their capacity for evil. Some of us, perhaps most of us on this forum, were treated badly and yet have the courage to believe in something better for ourselves.

Many people have limited ability to reason and act purely from brain driven instincts for survival - and psychological threat can lead a person to do some pretty horrific things.

[Alioi]

Originally Posted by The mouse

I just wondered why we had then at all.

That's what I thought you meant, but I'm not quite sure what I meant in my second para, felt I couldn't phrase it right at the time.

I think I can relate to the effect of the sorts of psychological accusations your adoptive mother made but I'm not sure if you're saying she was literally psychotic and acted.