Extra session with T

Normally if I’m very upset (doesn’t happen often), my T will suggest definitely doing a second session for the week. Yesterday night though, I was visibly distraught at the end of the session, but she said how her week was busy and she’d let me know if she had a cancellation. I’m very hurt by that. I don’t know if I should tell her, but I don’t think I can or even that I should. Things between us have been feeling off lately, as I posted about recently. All I want to do is see her again this week- I’m having such a rough time with issues in my real life. But now, I’m hurt by her saying that and I don’t know if it’ll even be possible to see her and part of me keeps feeling like begging her but I know I can’t do that and I don’t want to have to... I’m the type who never asks for anything and rarely shows any upset. I don’t know if I should email her to ask her or not... I’m hurt she hasn’t emailed me yet. It’s all just a big mess. I really think she’s upset with me recently.

You could try being another type if your usual type is not meeting your needs. You don't earn your therapist's time by being distressed. She can't read your mind, try adult mode and state your needs.

I'm sorry you are hurting. I think it is common for T to have a variable schedule and it sucks she cant for you in. I doubt she means to be hurtful.

It's ok to feel hurt, but keep in mind your T has other clients and obligations. It is the holiday season and she may be preparing for vacation, relatives, or scheduling appointments around hplidays.

It may be unfair to expect her to always have an extra slot open for you or to work overtime. It IS fair to expect her to keep your weekly appointment and be fully there for you during that time though.

It could be she genuinely is busy--is she off next week maybe for the holiday? If she has some biweekly clients, they may all be trying to see her this week. That being said, I'd say you really want another session--it's possible that she could find a time to squeeze you in. Hugs...

It does sound very tough for you at the moment Goatee. I know there's all sorts playing into how you feel towards your t. I also think all you can do is state your needs and wait and see if she responds. I would advise against begging, even though I'm sure that's how you feel right now. I just think at the moment it's probably best to try and keep things factual and straightforward if possible to try and avoid more emotional fallback. Maybe send a reminder that you would really appreciate an extra session next week if one becomes available as you are finding things incredibly hard right now. As painful as it no doubt is, I think that's really all you can do.

Hi Goatee, I don't have any words of wisdom - I just want to let you know I understand where you're coming from. It can be really hard to not take it personally (trust me, I am ALWAYS working on that), but you need to remind yourself it's not about you - it's about her. Like others have said, she probably literally cannot fit you in her schedule even if she thought a second session would be good for you. Sometimes things just don't work out. If she had said, "I wish I could offer you a second session this week, but unfortunately I can't" instead of not saying anything at all, would that have made a difference? Or was it the fact she couldn't make time for you regardless? Hang in there.

I'm sorry you seem to be having ongoing issues with your T. It's not a good place to be when we'd like a second appointment but it's difficult and we're struggling. Hugs.

It is the week before a major holiday, so you therapist is probably legitimately booked because of that. Let her know that if she does have something open up, like she said, you would be interested in an appointment. But I suspect this has everything to do with holiday crunch in scheduling and is not a reflection of how much she does or does not care.

Thanks so much, everyone. It’s kind of complicated- even though my T is always extremely busy, she has always made a point before of going out of her way to make time for me. So this is a change. And generally, things have been very off with us recently. Also, I’m unfortunately in the middle of an ongoing emergency situation in my real life. It’s an unexpected, extremely serious situation and she has been my main support through it. Having her withdraw support now, even a tiny bit, is very difficult considering the extreme circumstances of my real life right now.

I am so sorry, I know very well the feelings you've described, and they feel horrible. Please don't be hard on yourself...remember that therapy is a very different relationship than any other. And remember that you're in therapy to be cared for so you can learn to better care for yourself. With those ideas in mind, I strongly encourage you to speak opening with your therapist...this is a wonderful opportunity for self-growth.