[0Smile0]

I am not sure whether this belongs under psychotherapy because it also covers CPTSD and Dissociation.


I have been in therapy since 2015. In September last year I swapped therapists after moving to a new city. Unlike my previous therapist they are trauma informed and I was excited at being challenaged by them, or at least doing real work. The previous 4 years had been helpful in so far as teaching myself to be self compassionate, which i can not underate, but it didn't really resolve the trauma.


Anyway this month I chose to terminate therapy. Not because I don't think I need it. I get swept up by suicidal ideation, I get emotional flashbacks and I dissoicatie ALOT. But I function better then I have done, even if i am not really connected with myself and I found in therapy i was just not engaging and didn't even feel comfortable doing the basic grounding techniques like walking around or coloruing in in front of my therapist. It makes me feel too vulnerable. I also didn't feel like the therapist could psyiscally handle me (i don't think thats true) but because she was slight in nature I thought if i freaked out or got overwhelmed she wouldn't be able to help. Also our sessions were a bit jaggered, she was ill a couple of times (i know that doesn't sound a lot, but my last therapist was ill once in the entire 4 years), they also took a really long xmas of. Anyway all of this added to me not bonding with them, but I am also heavily avoidant and so I am not sure how far this is them or whether they were really good and i am just avoidant.

As i said I am still experiencing a lot of CPTSD symptoms and i am also spending a lot of time on my own. I have been single for 2 years and I miss intimacy, but I am finding it particualarly hard to engage with people or go to social events to find a partner.

I just don't really know what to do because mentally I don't know if i am ready to make changes, but this dissociation is getting out of control and i am not living a connected life, which is pretty upsetting. That and the flashbacks. But my brain is like nope, we are not talking.

I was thinking of seeing a new therapist in the hope there was less insecurity projected at them, but my family history is pretty complex and explaining it all again feels like it would be messy and alot and i just don't have it in me to make the effort to get to know someone new. But then how productive would it be to go back to someone who I probably don't feel comfortable with (whether thats my trauma or just in general). The thing is I know I will unlikely feel comfortable with any therapist who really tries to do any work with me.

This leads me to thinking that this is my life now.

Thanks for reading!

[Omers]

I’m thinking that the T you were seeing was a bad fit. I worked with a lot of those before finding my current T. He works hard to make sure I feel safe and grounded. He has also worked hard to create a secure attachment with me when I can be all over the place with attachment. Finding the right T makes a world of difference.

[sophiebunny]

If you are dissociating and losing time, not being in therapy is a safety issue. Not all trauma therapists are created equal. I don't know the size of your community. Some cities have specialized in-patient trauma units. If you have such a facility, call and ask for a referral. They will know many trauma therapists since they refer discharged patients to them. Have you discussed returning to therapy with your psychiatrist? If he's like mine, he's very connected to the trauma treatment community and can guide you. If you don't have a psychiatrist or he's not trauma informed, your insurance company should have a list of approved providers. Then it's research finding what kind of trauma treatment they do and what their reputations are.

Ignoring severe dissociation symptoms is not the way to go. Those symptoms only get more and more disruptive to your life. Good luck.

[0Smile0]

I am in the UK and I am not serve enough to recieve trestme I on the NHS. As for finding a trauma informed therapist in my city there seems to be a few the issue is how do I know which one to go to if I typically struggle to work with therapists in general

Originally Posted by 0Smile0

I am in the UK and I am not serve enough to recieve trestme I on the NHS. As for finding a trauma informed therapist in my city there seems to be a few the issue is how do I know which one to go to if I typically struggle to work with therapists in general

You won't know until you meet them, their directory profiles don't necessarily give an accurate reflection of their approach or character. Does it feel possible for you to meet two or three for an initial meeting to help you work out what you feel comfortable with? Sometimes it is helpful to experience someone who isn't a good fit in order that you can be clear about what you don't want, as much as working out what you do want.