[Ifeelstupid]

Hi. So I’ve been reading a lot of posts on here describing Ts hugging, holding, sitting with clients. Forgive my ignorance, but is that common? Is it a strategy for specific traumas/struggles? Is it connected with a specific type of therapy?
For a long time I’ve wanted to sit on the floor with my T but I’m afraid to ask.and I’m not certain why I even want to. And I wouldn’t dare ask for a hug though he’s given me one on two different occasions.
Thanks all.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Different Ts allow different types of touch. I have found that most my Ts will give A-frame hugs. Ex-T from when I was homeless would give hugs, and sit with me on the couch and hold my hand. Ex-T who abandoned me and was CBT, she allowed hugs, pinky swears, sitting next to me on the couch, sitting on the floor, rubbing arms and legs/knee. She believed holding hands was only for family. T who is psychodynamic and DBT only allows hugs. L is also psychodynamic and DBT, allows hugs, rubbing arms, sitting on the floor, shaking hands, and the rest to be determined.

[sophiebunny]

I have a very simple rule. No one, under any circumstances, touches me. Not friends, not therapists, no incidental touching in a crowded room, no one touches me. I am extremely touch phobic. I cannot imagine a worse situation than letting my therapist touch me or in any way make physical contact with me.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

It depends on the t. I've seen it's from the same school of thought and one wouldnt dream of touching clients, the other is fine with a hug each session.

[LonesomeTonight]

It really depends on the T. Ex-T (female) eventually allowed occasional hugs and sometimes touched me on my arm when I left (if we didn't hug), but that was all. My current T (male) only allows handshakes, but I'm OK with that. My former marriage counselor (also male) also only allowed handshakes. There was one backup T (female) that I saw a few times when my T was out of town who sat down on the couch next to me and also touched my arm when I left. I mentioned that to my T, asking if he'd ever sit on the couch with me if, say, I wanted to show him photos or something, and he suggested that he wouldn't (not sure he came right out and said no).

[Omers]

Every T I have asked allowed hugs at the end of session. One Ex-T would hold my hand on her terms (which I now see as wrong). I am female and all previous T’s were female.
Current T is male and allows a lot of touch, far more than most T’s would ever think of doing.
Why he feels it is OK:
1. I feel comfortable talking anything out with him including “ruptures”
2. He stated I have a very strong respect for his boundaries
3. He knows his boundaries
4. It helps me reach my therapy goals

Why he felt the need to offer therapeutic touch
1. I was profoundly emotionally neglected from infancy
2. The emotional neglect persisted throughout my life
3. There was no safe/healthy touch growing up
4. I have no understanding of a safe place and other basic things infants in healthier families know.

Evidence that it is therapeutically beneficial:
1. My blood pressure has normalized after years of ineffective medical interventions
2. My breathing/respiration rate is normalizing
3. My ability to self soothe/regulate between sessions is improving
4. I have fewer dissociative episodes
5. I am able to process trauma more easily with less anxiety
6. My dependence on T is slowly lessening
7. I am slowly needing less touch in sessions

When T holds me there is always a throw pillow between our bodies and he puts his arm over my shoulders and his hand on my arm. I always have to initiate the holding. T will occasionally initiate holding my hand or touching my arm based on the boundaries and guidelines we mutually established.

I will fully admit though that touch in therapy significantly increases the possibility of harm to the client. With what I am experiencing with current T I would be far less likely to seek touch in a different therapeutic relationship. IMO most T’s are not in a place where they can safely offer touch in a way that would be healing for the client. All the T’s that said no to touch were right to do so as they would not have been able to offer it in a beneficial way regardless of the reason they gave me for saying no.

[vultureculture]

I'm evidencing a knuck buster a karate person hammer hitter somebody to bear pain because I've haven't yet know what his dealings is in the system. I think you find the illegal identifyer if you don't he can evidence other folks stuff when you have parts like myself. It is making me take anger to where my sense of touch I might as well get a tattoo is going to be some hampered with a left hand....Can't be in that much need a left hander they going to take it too !!! It is going to be like walking on hot coal or a thrill seeking behavior. I can already tell. Most hate my hands so enjoy ur touch meditative ideas as best you can

[Salmon77]

My T has a strict rule against touching clients.

I don't see any harm in asking if it's what you want, worst thing that can happen is the T says no and then you talk about it.

[Mountaindewed]

I had a T at my high school who would give me “sensory breaks” basically she’d roll me up in a gym mat and then sit on me. It sounds weird but I’m autistic so those things help. I really want to ask my current T for something like that or at least to just sit by me but I don’t know how to without it coming out as awkward. I really really had to hold back asking her for a hug last session. So I’m just going to wear my weighted vest next session and hope it helps. Not sure with flu season and what else too.

[kaleidoscopeheart]

I agree that it depends on the T, but it's not only what they are comfortable with, but what you are comfortable with as well. My T is willing to hug, but only after I asked. T has also asked if he could hold my hand during a very emotional moment for me, and was cool with it when I declined. Everyone's therapy is different, but if it's something you want to try, it doesn't hurt to ask.

[HowDoYouFeelMeow?]

There is specific touch training for trauma therapists by a lady named Kathy Kain.

I am not a kissy huggy type with anyone other than the very closest people in my life. Other than my husband and mother (I never had kids) I wouldn't even hug/kiss my dad, siblings, or grandparents, let alone anyone else, except when saying goodbye from a visit (though not each time), or on special occasions. I know others are more physically affectionate. I'm sure it's cultural.

My point above is that I have been a bit happier not having a tdoc or pdoc touching me. That doesn't mean I don't want them to figuratively "touch my soul". I don't mind that affection from people outside my innermost circle.

I had two or three therapists hug me on rare or more occasions. One was originally from Turkey, and she was very huggy, though she did ask my permission the first time, knowing I am American. She initiated it. Another used to do a combo of a double hand holding/hand shake. I must admit that in a couple cases, this was not necessarily good. For example, my former Turkish tdoc reminded me a lot of my late beloved mother. Sure, I liked that, but it also complicated matters a bit.

My pdoc of 14 years has never touched me. That's good because I have had an erotic transferance towards him. Physical touch would have exacerbated the situation. The transferance has since eased. If he hugged me now, it could potentially grow stronger again. My plan is to ask to shake his hand, someday, when saying goodbye at the end of our very last session together. By the way, he has the same Anglo American background as me.

Having travelled to many countries abroad (and married to a Czech) I have obviously encountered more touchy kissy types. I know to expect it. I don't feel violated by it, but probably still wouldn't initiate it.