Some perspectives for those feeling hurt by their therapists

I had an underlying feeling of being bad -- still do, for that matter -- somewhat similar to what you described maybe. But I also had a belief, or fantasy, that I could find ways to change that so that I was good. (Therapy fed into that, but I didn't know it was a fantasy.) The ability of my last therapist to reject me not surprisingly triggered that, in ways that I never would have let myself be open to, had it not been supposedly "therapy".

Was this your personal blog? It hasn't seemed to me that I could write anything using my last therapist's name, and that of the consultant I first saw who referred me to her, if it wasn't my own personal blog.

It's not that I forget I have power -- it's that I actually don't. At least not any that I have been able to find, or to find a way to use effectively.

Yes, it was Wordpress blog I opened, that has a single post about how he ended therapy with me. As he was kicking me out of 'his' space, I decided I'd make my own space he couldn't just shut down.

I'm sorry you feel you have no power. When we forge a relationship we want to keep but someone else doesn't, it can leave us feeling very small and out of control. The feelings I had after therapy echoed the feelings I had both when two close friends and a romantic partner left me, decades after those things happened.

But we do have power over therapists' business reputations, if not their ability to act like decent human beings. I decided not to file a complaint because the BACP wrote a very condescending email when I said I wanted an apology from my therapist over how he ended therapy.

So I made the blog post, and I'm sure it bothers him that it's there and he can't get rid of it. There's a reason he deleted my Google reviews -- his reputation matters deeply to him. I'm sure it matters to your old therapists too.

People post bad reviews of doctors all the time. Why can’t we post bad reviews of therapists? Or is there no place to do it?

I see them all the time.

Oh where do people post them? “here today” said she can’t post anything with former therapist’s name on it. I wonder why. That’s why I thought there is a reason for it. Of course there is confidentiality concern but we dint have to be confidential, only therapists do

I posted a review of my last T on "healthgrades" and it was removed in a few days. I have not yet tried yelp and Google. As tomatenoir said, their Google review was deleted, and I had read something about people's ability to do that a while back when I was considering it.

I tried to consult a lawyer about what I could do and couldn't say, legally, without libel or slander but they didn't want to take a consultation like that and canceled the appointment. Perhaps I could try another. I posted a yelp review about a psych. hospital and what I thought was a terrible thing that happened there with someone else and it was not removed -- I stuck to talking about what I knew personally and my emotional experience of it. Didn't seem to have much effect but at least it got out there.

I'll look into Wordpress, thanks.

Where. .?

I just searched and there are ton of reviews about therapists on yelp. Some good and some bad. About same therapists. People say all kind of stuff. I just looked up in my area.

Yes there are many psych hospital reviews on Google. Typically reviews are bad. I know people working in psych hospitals. Psych hospital staff usually don’t pay much attention to those reviews as hospital is a horrible experience regardless plus they chuck it to people being unwell or have unreasonable demands (like wanting to be able to do XYZ on high acuity unit and being mad at a hospital for not allowing it) etc I am not saying it’s right. Just stating the fact

I suspect that therapists might not take public reviews seriously either. For those same reasons. Again not saying it’s right. Just strong suspicion. It’s not the same as review on shoes. It says they are blue but when they got delivered they are brown. Mental health service isn’t exact science.

Hence many therapists likely to say that whatever criticism clients are posting are just symptoms of whatever their mental health issue is. So perhaps posting reviews isn’t a solution but it wouldn’t hurt. If I had a bad therapist I’d post it

When we are looking for a new doctor, I start with my insurance list and then I look at reviews. Honestly, I don't give the reviews that are really long, detailed and personal much thought. I get it; people had a bad experience but one bad review doesn't show a pattern. I look for patterns. If I see repeated comments about something, then I pay more attention. For instance, repeated comments about feeling unheard or condescended to would be a red flag to me; I'd keep looking. But one person's detailed (probably too detailed) individual problem tends to come off as a rant rather than being really helpful to ME as a possible future consumer of that service.

Exactly.

I wonder if @here today you were able to post your review on yelp if it would be received better or help others. My understanding with yelp is they are much more fair when giving weight to the consumer and the provider. My understanding of sites like healthgrade and other medical sites is that providers have more power disputing and removing bad reviews. I think your story and the stories from others about therapists are valid and deserve to be heard and posted if you want to. I know that I would read it and compare it to others as well. Have you searched out your therapist on yelp?

Yes. The names and credentials of both my last therapist and the consultant/trainer who referred me to her are on Yelp, and it has them classified as psychologists, but it says that that business is "unclaimed". That is, neither of them has elected to participate on Yelp and there are no reviews. This despite their relatively high profiles in the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation, one of the factors which influenced me to hire them.

It's possible that I could write a review anyway, but it seems likely that it could disappear, as tomatenoir's did on Google.

Yelp only deletes reviews if they violate guidelines (profanity or threats etc). I read some reviews on local mental health facilities and some are terrible, naming specific therapists and specific details etc and reviews are still there. One place I sure would never go to becayse half reviews are bad.

As long as you aren’t unhinged or out of control I bet your review will stay put

I doubt it, because of the "unclaimed" factor and because there are no reviews for them despite their high profile in the local area and in the field of trauma and dissociation.

I'm going to work on writing something for a Wordpress blog, and then may excerpt some of that and try it on Yelp.

Oh I see if they are unclaimed. It’s different. I just meant that yelp doesn’t remove negative reviews as long as they are not out of control

I posted a review on Yelp about a therapist and she harassed me nonstop through email until I finally had enough and removed it. Like what is she trying to hide. My google one is still up there I think.

I know I posted somewhere else on here a few days ago that my therapist didn’t return my call and that they will abandon you in an emergency. What I said is just the truth.

Hey @here today I googled what it means to claim or not claim your business on yelp and found this info:

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Intro to Why you Must Claim a Business on Yelp Yes, I get it, you’re busy and besides that, just the thought of Yelp, pisses you off. The less you have to do with them the better. Why would you want to spend valuable time to claim a business on Yelp? Yelp has a reputation for two-bit opinions from cranky wannabe restaurant critics, fake reviews bought on Fiverr.com and even fraudulent reviews paid for by your competition. As if that’s not bad enough, your good reviews get hidden and the negative ones all seem to show up (they’ve been accused of bullying and extortion in order to get businesses to sign up for paid Yelp advertising). Even with all the negatives about Yelp, the fact is that it is dominant and authoritative force in consumer decision making. The number of people reading Yelp and similar review sites is incredible. Those sites they aren’t going anywhere and either are online reviews in general. Ignoring Yelp, unless your business and your bank account are maxed out with customers and cash, is plain foolish. It isn’t that hard to steer clear of the rotten bits about Yelp and still get the benefits. Read on and I’ll give you the the details of what you’ll be missing; and bet I can convince you that claiming your Yelp business listing is super savvy. #1 – Miss the Chance for Critical Moment Influence By a mile, this is the most important reason to get on Yelp and claim your page. Since 92% of people use online reviews, let’s think about the process that they go through. Imagine yourself looking for a restaurant to take someone important out for a meal. Because it’s important, you do your research and end up reading some reviews on Yelp for the restaurant. Now press pause. What’s your mindset? If we zoom in, the mindset of the review reader is at a very critical moment. The moment when they can be most influenced to either buy (visit the restaurant, or whatever the business might be) or not. A negative impression on that review page, and you’ve lost them. A positive impression and you’ve won a new customer – maybe one that uses your business for years and years and tells all their friends. The impression that your page on review sites like Yelp creates is of critical importance and, in my experience, the easiest marketing opportunity online right now. Claiming your business and optimizing your listing on Yelp is easy and can result in a lot of new customers because you can tip the balance in consumer’s minds when they are most open to be influenced. #2 – Leave $8,000 on the Table “$8,000 – the average annual incremental revenue generated by a business claiming its free Yelp Business Page” ~Boston Consulting Group, March 2013 That’s $8,00o on average more revenue just for claiming a Yelp business listing. Nothing other than logging in an validating you are the owner. The reason is, knowing that the business is claimed and verified gives a more positive impression to readers. One of the things that signals trust to Yelp visitors is that the owner of the business cares and is engaged in their brand. Claiming your business’s listing is only a small, but important step. #3 – The Chance to Respond Publicly to Reviews The most powerful tool that becomes available to owners of businesses that have claimed their listing on Yelp is the ability to respond to reviews. There are many benefits to responding to reviews, including: The chance to demonstrate empathy and caring for people who have had a bad experience at your business – this creates a positive sense of trust for everyone that reads your review page. The chance to correct any errors that reviewers have posted about your business. For example a reviewer states that you can’t handle special dietary meals, and you actually can – correcting this can make a big difference to future customers. The ability to thank people who leave glowing positive reviews and let them know they are appreciated. All of these create trust and open communication between you and your customers – it’s good to remember that Yelp reviewers are YOUR CUSTOMERS and the more you respect them, the better you will do on Yelp. #4 – The Ability to Respond Privately to Reviewers Another important benefit of claiming a business on Yelp, is the you get to send private messages to anyone that has left a review for your business. This comes in really handy in the case of negative reviews when you may want to offer someone who has had a legitimately bad experience a freebee to get them to come back and try your establishment again, but you don’t want the public to see it (you wouldn’t want people to start posting negative reviews in the hopes of getting a free meal). It’s also a way to have a dialogue, since you can message back and forth. This allows you to ask for more information if a review is vague and to address the reviewer in a more personal manner if, for example, they are known to you. #5 – Control your Business Listing by Uploading Photos Yelp reviewers are able to, and do, post images of a business and their experiences there. Often these images are excellent, but sometimes, not so much. If you don’t claim your page, you miss the opportunity to upload official business photos. These photos allow you to control the important first impression people get of your restaurant or business. It’s a great way to lead people into the experience of what you most what people to see and feel about your business. The other benefit of in the photography department is the ability to “flag” any photos uploaded by reviewers that break Yelp’s guidelines, or are inappropriate. An important feature. #6 – Reap SEO Benefits Yelp is what’s known in the SEO business as an authority website. And that means that getting a link from them to your site is considered very beneficial to boost your rankings in Google. When you claim a business on Yelp, you can add a link to your website. Not only does this help with your Google rankings, but it provides a way for people to leave Yelp and come directly to your business’s website to make bookings or read more about your business. #7 – Correct Any Errors in Your Yelp Listing Many business listings on Yelp are first created by a reviewer and not the business owner. Therefore they can contain errors. Errors on your page can If you claim a business on Yelp you also get the ability to correct items like: Your business hours Location – address Name of the business Business description Your business’s categories These are all important aspects to have correct on your Yelp page listing. Consider that there could also have been another business at your location before you – so the inaccuracies on you page can be significant. #8 – Get Notified of New Reviews Hopefully you’re seeing by now how important the state of your Yelp page is to your business. One of the really nice features of claiming your business on Yelp is to be notified by email (or via the Yelp Business App) when someone posts a new review for your business. This is critical for negative reviews. As I mentioned above, you get to respond to reviews as the business owner, and if someone posts a negative review, you’ll want to post a review response as quickly as possible to minimize the damage that the review can cause to your reputation on Yelp. #9 – Get Access to Yelp Analytics While not tremendously detailed, having access to Yelp’s “activity” information about your page can be important. Especially if you are running a promotion, or trying a system to get more Yelp reviews, or tracking the difference it makes when you start actively managing your Yelp page once you claim it. Yelp’s analytics page also include a cool feature called an “Activity Feed” that lists all the recent actions that Yelp users have taken on your page. #10 – Use the Yelp for Business App Put the power of managing your Yelp page in your pocket with the Yelp Business Mobile app. This app if not the same app that reviewers and customers use to navigate Yelp. It’s a dedicated app for business owners that allows you to view your analytics, receive notifications of new reviews and to read and respond to reviews in real time. #11 – Use Yelp Advertising Although there are a lot of mixed opinions about the benefits of Yelp advertising. Once you claim a Yelp business, you have access to creating offers and using advertising services like: Yelp deals in which you offer discount coupons to be claimed by customers. These are worth experimenting with for some businesses. And Yelp does offer other advertising features like the ability to remove competitor ads from your listings. Another form of of Yelp Ads that can be effective at check-in offers. This ad gives someone a discount when they use the Yelp public app to “check-in” when they are physically at your establishment. When someone hits the “check-in” button on the Yelp app, a notification goes out to all their friends to tell them where they are. Offering someone 20% off their bill to tell 300 friends they are using your services can be a fantastic way to promote your business. This type of offer rewards loyal customers with discounts which is a great way to build loyalty. #12 – Easily Share Your Business’s Reviews on Social Media Once you claim your business on Yelp, you have access to easily share any reviews (obviously you’ll want to only share the great ones) for your business to your social media pages. With a click from the admin “reviews’ page, you can open up social sharing links that will give you access to your Facebook page or Twitter account and transfer the review to those services. Make promoting your business’s positive word of mouth a breeze and builds your reputation on these sites. Sharing reviews across social outlets is something that most businesses miss and it’s a very large wasted opportunity. Conclusion I spend a lot of time on Yelp as part of my review management business, and I can tell you what motivated me to write this article – it’s shocking how many Yelp pages are unclaimed. I scratch my head to figure out why a someone wouldn’t claim a business on Yelp. Even businesses that have very high rating and many reviews… yet there’s a big fat “Claim this Business” sitting in red on their page screaming out, “the owner of this business doesn’t care!” Don’t be that guy.

I just wanted to share this with you because claimed or unclaimed doesnt seem to matter with yelp other than give the business the ability to respond to reviews.

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Originally Posted by here today I doubt it, because of the "unclaimed" factor and because there areno reviews for them despite their high profile in the local area and in the field of trauma and dissociation. I'm going to work on writing something for a Wordpress blog, and then may excerpt some of that and try it on Yelp.

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Originally Posted by SarahSweden Don´t rely on a therapist when feeling lonely, upset, sad and so on as your therapist can´t do anything about it. Relying on a therapist when in a vulnerable state will imply a huge risk to get hurt. I say that partly from my own experiences but especially from all stories I´ve read written by sad and hurt therapy clients.

Years ago I realized that relying on people (professionals, family, and friends) when feeling awful was a set up for profound disappointment, because they could never fully appreciate my experiences. I knew it was an impossible expectation, because I could never know the inner experiences of others, no matter how hard I tried. This realization taught me to rely on myself to improve my situation. My feelings were solely mine and they were accurate, not distorted by someone else's impression.

I learned so much about myself. It was liberating.

Can you write some more about this?

My relying on therapists, or anyone, was a mixed bag when I went into therapy. I had learned not to rely on anyone when I was feeling awful early in my life, but then the authorities/therapists encouraged me to trust them anyway and I did, in an external, compliant way. Because I was acting automatically to please authority. Which I had also learned early in my life, in order to get some of what I wanted/needed I guess.

I am not sure that I really understood that I could never know the inner experiences of others, maybe because I was so stuck on hyperfocusing on others sometimes? Or maybe because I didn't fully understand my separateness from others? It's hard to explain, and something I certainly expected therapists 50 years ago to be able to help with. As I think, with their theories at the time, they expected to be able to help with, too.

So I think It's very interesting that you were able to distinguish this early on, on you own. But, then, part of what I went into therapy with was a distrust of, and in some cases a disconnection from, my own feelings. So the fact you knew your feelings as solely yours and not distorted by someone else's impression is very interesting. I think I know that now, maybe -- but it's taken a long time and a lot of pain.

Here is my long response. Typical Didgee.

Like you I had to fend for myself from a young age. I learned that I had to conform and act fake when I was at school to shut the bullies up. I really hated doing this. The only time I could be me was when I was alone or with immediate family, reading, doing art, and outdoor activities such as fishing and camping.

Therapy was just like bullying.

I realized, that I had to act for therapists and psychiatrists to listen to me. I had to fit their diagnosis. If I didn't, I was accused of being in denial. Apparently I had a disordered personality and was beyond help. I was perplexed, because they wanted me to take a lot of medication and go to therapy. ??????

Therapy would have never worked when I was a teenager due to my cognitive style and lack of emotional maturity. I didn't understand why I felt the way I did. All I knew was reaction. - Years later I realized, I learn through actual experience, not discussion.

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Originally Posted by here today I am not sure that I really understood that I could never know the inner experiences of others, maybe because I was so stuck on hyperfocusing on others sometimes? Or maybe because I didn't fully understand my separateness from others? It's hard to explain, and something I certainly expected therapists 50 years ago to be able to help with. As I think, with their theories at the time, they expected to be able to help with, too.

The only person that really knows you, is you. No one can feel your emotions and know your thoughts. If they try, it is always distorted by their biases. Therapists who are not careful can come up with some creative (and potentially damaging) reasons for people being the way they are, even if there is no evidence to support those explanations. - My misdiagnosis lead to all kinds of theories and assumptions that profoundly hurt and made me question myself and my family. This is why I question everything now.

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Originally Posted by here today So I think It's very interesting that you were able to distinguish this early on, on you own. But, then, part of what I went into therapy with was a distrust of, and in some cases a disconnection from, my own feelings. So the fact you knew your feelings as solely yours and not distorted by someone else's impression is very interesting. I think I know that now, maybe -- but it's taken a long time and a lot of pain.

Therapy didn't help me understand my emotions and connect me to them at all. Life experiences did. The death of a close friend, the psychotic illness I had in my mid twenties and learning I had high functioning autism allowed me to genuinely feel and understand myself. No acting was involved.

You are definitely right about time and pain.

You are one of the few people I can relate to in this forum. Most of the content I read here is foreign to me, because I never experienced it.

I really like this :line that you wrote:

‘I learn through actual experience, not discussion. ‘

That’s exactly how I feel, I have told my T that ‘understanding’ is not particularly useful to me in therapy, but experiencing a different relationship is. Thankfully my T accepts this. I sometimes feel like an outlier.

Fortunately, my therapist was all about actual experience. He was all about "take this out of this office and apply what you are learning, realizing, etc. It does you no good to leave it in this room."

He was very cognitively oriented, but not in a "fill out this worksheet, label all of your distorted thinking, just think differently and it will all be good kind of way". What he did believe (and I absolutely believe and understand it now myself) was that my thinking drives my emotions and my mental state - not the other way around. It took A LOT of time (years) and work and practice, but learning that I have choices about my thinking finally gave me a sense of internal control.

I never found just sitting in therapy and talking emotions constantly to be very helpful, and that applies now that I'm out of therapy as well. In fact, when I got (and get) bogged down in my emotions I almost always end up more anxious, more depressed, more overwhelmed. I have to go back to what I learned about slowing down, figuring out what thoughts are running my show, and making some very deliberate choices about which thoughts are realistic, which are irrational, which situations I can actually do anything about, which ones I just need to relinquish control of, etc., and I can usually now get myself back to a more balanced emotional and mental state. (Having to practice this A LOT these days but it is definitely helping me not completely spiral into anxiety or depression.)

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