Things are changing with T

I don’t know if it is because of stress, the pandemic, phone sessions or all of it but things are changing between T and I. I have a hard time opening up on the phone so the sessions have been odd. I am thinking of asking if I can send him an email before session of where I am at and he can read it during out time together. I am not sure if I will be able to talk about it after he reads it. While I am not able to process with him over the phone or video in some ways our relationship is growing, deepening and strengthening. I am feeling a lot closer to him and more comfortable with him in general that I think will help us a lot when we are able to work face to face again. I have also been able to let go of some of my need to be a “good” client even testing boundaries this past week... which he handled gracefully as always. I don’t think I could have taken the risk of being “bad” without all this chaos.
Anyone else noticing changes in their relationship with T or the dynamics between them and T?

It is interesting the way everything that is going on has changed therapy, I agree. For me, I feel a bit stupid and selfish for still ‘needing’ therapy, as this pandemic has made everything I was trying to deal with seem a little pointless. I know it isn’t, but I can’t help it. Also, our sessions have been mainly talking about the pandemic...I can’t seem to shut up about it, as I feel consumed And terrorised by it and have no escape because I must go to work.

Also selfishly, I long to have it just be me and him in a room, without current global situations seeping in and burying me. I’ve always tried to not talk about climate change, politics, Other world issues in my therapy even though I have strong views on them. I like to talk about my visions and dreams and our relationship and projections. I just don’t feel important or safe enough to do it.

I like the sound of you sending him an email before a session, maybe it would help him understand you at a time when you can’t physically be together. I hope it works out, and we all get through this ok.

Hey, Omers.

It sounds like your T has always been open to your emails. Just because you're unable to meet in person at the moment, nothing else in your relationship has changed.
I am also having to learn this one, but had a teletherapy session today that felt almost normal.

Hope you are able to find a way to make it work and help yourself feel safe during this challenging time.

Yes, T has always been open to my emails and continues to be although he admitted he has less time to read them currently. T and I will figure it out I am sure. I know we are both committed to making sure it works.
IDK it’s like something in the small details of what we are sharing has changed and I think it’s good.

I'm trying to figure out how to word this. It feels like before all this...maybe in some ways it felt like T thought he had all the answers, or many of them anyway. But today, for example, he asked what ideas I had to get through the weekend. I mentioned a couple things, but said overall I wasn't sure. Did he haven any ideas? He was quiet for a minute. Suggested a couple things we could do with D, but really seemed unsure. I said I wasn't expecting him to have some magic answer. How I knew if this was normal times, he'd have some long list of suggestions. He just seems at a loss sometimes lately, which is completely understandable, and also makes him more human.


It feels like he's being more empathetic than usual, too, particularly in regards to stuff with D. And he also seems more accepting of my need to feel connected to him. Saying today, for example, that he knows that it likely feels less connected over video with him and understanding why I want the extra half (sometimes full) session a week. How it probably helps me with the connection (I agreed). He said today how there's a different energy in person. And agreed that aspects of body language are missing, if you're only seeing shoulders up. I'm not sure what all I'm trying to say here. I think I'm still trying to figure it out myself. Maybe he is, too.

Yes LT! That sounds very much like where we are at. I know my T is self disclosing more, mostly about his self care which is mostly yard work. T has always been empathy but now is more so. I can also tell he is tired/stressed even if he doesn’t say it. He is much more human right now and I think it helps.

This has become such a collective thing to deal with. It will probably change all of us in ways we may not see or imagine. Interesting as has been mentioned is the way we interact with each other as social beings , particularly ways that aren't always replicated when we aren't in another persons presence , such as full body language and " vibes " and probably myriad other ways we communicate with each other that we aren't conscious of. There is nothing " social " about " social distancing " I found my T a little more open in my session on the phone and I can feel a shift in my relationship with him. Thank you for sharing what you're feeling Omers.