[Wiggle118]

Does anyone else feel uncomfortable when your T praises you or expresses that it was good to speak to you?

To me, it feels slightly insincere and I never really know what to say. At the end of work meetings people often say that it was lovely to talk to everyone and I don’t have an issue with that, but my T just seems a bit over the top with it.

I’m tempted to ask her to stop, but I suppose that it might just be her manner.

[feileacan]

I would ask my T to immediately stop if he would do something like that. And I have asked him to stop. I'm not going to therapy for praise and why would he think that his praise is somehow necessary for me anyway. Fortunately he has only tried it very few times.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by Wiggle118

Does anyone else feel uncomfortable when your T praises you or expresses that it was good to speak to you?


To me, it feels slightly insincere and I never really know what to say. At the end of work meetings people often say that it was lovely to talk to everyone and I don’t have an issue with that, but my T just seems a bit over the top with it.


I’m tempted to ask her to stop, but I suppose that it might just be her manner.

I feel that way with a lot of people because I have some trust issues. For some reason, I believe my t.

[Wiggle118]

Originally Posted by feileacan

I would ask my T to immediately stop if he would do something like that. And I have asked him to stop. I'm not going to therapy for praise and why would he think that his praise is somehow necessary for me anyway. Fortunately he has only tried it very few times.

Thanks for that. I’ll mention it then.

[chihirochild]

My T doesn't offer praise very often (I think that it's happened twice in our two years of working together?) so I believe his sincerity and treasure it when he does.

[MissUdy]

What type of things do they say when they are praising you? Compliments make me feel uncomfortable because I feel unworthy, but I still like it when my T says something nice about me and think about it afterwards. I think it helps my confidence as I do naturally have a low opinion of myself.

[Wiggle118]

Originally Posted by MissUdy

What type of things do they say when they are praising you? Compliments make me feel uncomfortable because I feel unworthy, but I still like it when my T says something nice about me and think about it afterwards. I think it helps my confidence as I do naturally have a low opinion of myself.

The praise is usually quite minimal, to be fair. Just “well done” in response to something specific or telling me that I’m doing well (in general) at the end of a session.

[emmaleemochizuki]

My T sometimes say 'well done', especially after a very difficult sessions (when I talked about things I never did).

[chihirochild]

My T said “you’re doing amazing work” the other day. It surprised me since while the session had been difficult it didn’t feel especially excruciating.

[Omers]

My T often says that it was good seeing me today which doesn’t bother me as I do believe he is sincere. He will also say other things like thank you for opening up with me today or you are working really hard on this. Those make me uneasy and T often picks up on it and asks either “how does it feel to hear that?” or “is it OK that I say that?”. I tend to be kind of frumpy most of the time so on the few occasions I have dressed decent T has said something then quickly remembers that it makes me super uncomfortable and he apologizes.

[stopdog]

It didn't make me uncomfortable or embarrass me, but it did piss me off. It was patronizing and condescending. It was not their place to approve or disapprove of anything I did or did not do. Compliments from real people don't bother me at all.

[ArtleyWilkins]

I think many people are uncomfortable with compliments, but that doesn’t necessarily mean people’s compliments are insincere. I’ve finally learned how to graciously accept a compliment without discounting it or doubting its sincerity. I guess I realized it was actually a bit internally rude of me to jump to assuming someone is insincere; that in order to respect others, I have to take my own embarrassment or insecurity off the table and allow others their own emotions, including when those emotions involve positive perceptions of me.

It was so hard to break the habit of discounting other people’s praise and acknowledgements, but a simple thank you, I realize now, is so much less caught up in my own personal baggage.

I’m not sure how that changed for me, but I think some of it was seeing how my own son had developed the same habit. I saw he deserved so much those compliments and his knocking them down was so evidently tied to his own lack of confidence which I really had to own as partially due to my own poor modeling.

Fortunately, we have all found ways now to graciously give and gracefully receive praise in our family now, and it has actually been rather changing for all of us. A little kindness and willingness to accept that kindness goes such a long way.

[SlumberKitty]

My Regular T says stuff like she is proud of me. My Pastor T says stuff like, You are stronger than you realize. My Case Manager says stuff like you are so freaking awesome. All of them make me beam. I try to just say thank you. Sometimes it is hard for me to take in. Especially the strong one since I don't feel strong. But he thinks I am and I have no reason to distrust him. Sometimes compliments and stuff can just be a bit embarrassing but I try to just say thank you. When I talk to others I tend to say things like I appreciate you. It's a compliment but it also makes it easier (I hope) for them to accept because I am saying that I appreciate them and acknowledging what they do for me. They don't have to think they do all that much but they do get to hear that I think they do.

[Elio]

I often need to hear that she is looking forward to seeing me or was glad to hear from me. We haven't really dug into that need very much because I have too much shame/guilt around it. I have made it clear to her that I still need to hear those words in order battle the inner voices of being "too much" in some way.

I think of these types of acknowledgements differently than praise. As far as being told I did something well, there are many factors in I respond to and experience the praise, I think I'd have to build a flowchart to be able to tease out the nuances. In general, I crave and also do not do well with receiving praise.

[nottrustin]

I feel uncomfortable with praise from anybody because I doubt their sincerity and honesty. With both Ts, I have learned that they mean it but the habit of being uncimfortable lives on. I hear what they say and move on without commenting.

Usually they are commenting on my strength and progress.

[susannahsays]

I only mind when she gives me compliments that are out of touch with reality. I don't mean things we both know are false that she says to butter me up, but things she thinks are true but are actually just her fantasy of who I am.

[LostOnTheTrail]

I think receiving compliments or praise is a skill like any other, in that it requires practice. Praise from R: 'Well done ' after a difficult session, or 'Well done for asking for what you need', has always meant something, although it's been difficult to accept. Now we're working via teletherapy, it means even more.


The first couple of times she said 'Well done', I asked what for...now she is more specific about it.

I love it when she praises me.