Do Ts piss you off on purpose?

MissUdy · Jul 01, 2020, 08:11 PM

It’s too complicated to explain but I’m pretty sure my T just dropped the ball and tried to make me sad/annoyed on purpose. I know about projection, transference etc and it’s happened before, but this feels so much different. Like we were super close and working well together (I thought) and this week it’s like he’s decided to pull away from me for no reason. How can I trust someone like that. Like it’s all a big game. Feel a bit heart broken and want to give up.

Omers · Jul 01, 2020, 09:29 PM

My T would never intentionally do something to piss me off. Sometimes though while I am still emotional it really does seem as it may have been intentional.

stopdog · Jul 01, 2020, 09:36 PM

I believe they do as a manipulation.

susannahsays · Jul 01, 2020, 10:17 PM

Sometimes I do things to piss her off on purpose so I wouldn't rule anything out.

ChickenNoodleSoup · Jul 02, 2020, 02:47 AM

My T has admitted multiple times that he says things that he knows might upset me on purpose sometimes. It feels horrible in the moment, but I'd say some of those situations were I learned the most from my T.

Lemoncake · Jul 02, 2020, 04:42 AM

I am/ used to be the one who deliberately pushed him, It's not something I would accept from a T though.

MissUdy · Jul 02, 2020, 04:46 AM

Ok thanks. I don’t understand what the point of it is, enough conflict comes up naturally. To force it is obvious and cruel. I’m afraid I have massively over estimated my relationship with him.

treloarbabe · Jul 02, 2020, 05:07 AM

I think there can be points where if we are not careful, a T can think they rule the roost and are better than us. Just as we try to accept challenge from a T, so a T should try to accept challenge from us. T's are human who regularly f***ck up just like us and they should be willing to put up with criticism and be held accountable for their actions and the role they play in sometimes escalating our distress. Stand your ground!

nottrustin · Jul 02, 2020, 06:26 AM

I don't think in general they intentionally to just because they want to make a clientt angry just for the sake of being a jerk. I do think it is possible they will push a person on a topic they are discussing (abuse, etc.) when anger is appropriate so it may lead the client to be angry. Of course there is always the exceptions.

Jul 02, 2020, 06:32 AM

Mine certainly does it effortlessly.

SlumberKitty · Jul 02, 2020, 11:08 AM

I don't think any of my T's have done this on purpose.

kaleidoscopeheart · Jul 02, 2020, 12:49 PM

Mine has and I called him on it afterward. We still talk about that day frequently and he admits that he made a mistake and learned a lot from it. It has become a bit of a running joke in therapy now and it somehow made our relationship better. If you think your T is trying to piss you off, I would recommend bringing it up in therapy....it could be valuable to both of you.

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 02, 2020, 01:40 PM

I have asked her that before and she's always denied it. I'm still not sure I believe her though. I swear she just did it on purpose again yesterday.

Lostislost · Jul 02, 2020, 02:06 PM

Yeah mine always denies it. He refuses to talk about transference from his side at all, like won't even bring something really obvious up. I know it's not all me all of the time.

Rive. · Jul 02, 2020, 03:21 PM

I think there is a difference in a T pissing you off on purpose vs. a T telling you an uncomfortable 'truth' that you are not ready to face and which pisses you off as a result.

*Beth* · 07:52 PM

I believe that some do, sometimes. And if they do it is to provide them with information, and to provoke our growth (hopefully).

susannahsays · Jul 02, 2020, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rive.

I think there is a difference in a T pissing you off on purpose vs. a T telling you an uncomfortable 'truth' that you are not ready to face and which pisses you off as a result.

Well yes and that doesn't exclude the possibility of a therapist acting out at the client and pissing them off for reasons of their own. Sometimes people show "tough love" and tell hard "truths" not out of a genuine wish to be helpful but because they have some sort of feelings toward the person that are vented by seeing the person upset. Not always, of course, but it's not unusual.

MissUdy · Jul 02, 2020, 06:12 PM

Thanks, It’s nice to read that most of your Ts are not messing you around. I think I just need to give up trying to figure it all out.

Mountaindewed · Jul 02, 2020, 07:15 PM

One time my T sent an email after another one that just said “sorry if that last one sounded mean.” Sometimes I find her behavior and attitude a bit odd. She mentioned having some sort of mental illness awhile ago and has talked about being an angry and mean person but not towards clients. Although I have seen subtle signs of it since I can read people very well. She’s helped a lot though so I try for the most part to give her the benefit of the doubt. She’s pissed me off but I don’t think she’s trying to do it on purpose.

nottrustin · Jul 02, 2020, 08:55 PM

I asked one of my coworkers today of Ts will do this. Je told me on occasion if he has developed a good report with the client and has plenty of time to bri ng them through the tuner of anger. He said it is part of motivational interviewing to break down the defences to fer to whatever the client is avoiding. However they need to have time in the same appointment to work through the anger at him.

velcro003 · Jul 02, 2020, 11:36 PM

My T has never done that, she is always gentle and kind.

koru_kiwi · Jul 03, 2020, 05:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nottrustin

I asked one of my coworkers today of Ts will do this. Je told me on occasion if he has developed a good report with the client and has plenty of time to bri ng them through the tuner of anger. He said it is part of motivational interviewing to break down the defences to fer to whatever the client is avoiding. However they need to have time in the same appointment to work through the anger at him.

well, either ex-T failed his motivational interviewing training or he was just being an arse in that moment when he blindsided me towards the end of our session

realistically, it more likely was related to him becoming accredited in ISTDP (intensive short term dynamic psychotherapy) at that time and he was practicing his new technique on me. fortunately, i ended therapy before he completed his accreditation. i hear ISTDP can come off feeling somewhat confrontational and that definitely would not have been a modality i would have liked or found useful.

nottrustin · 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by koru_kiwi

well, either ex-T failed his motivational interviewing training or he was just being an arse in that moment when he blindsided me towards the end of our session

realistically, it more likely was related to him becoming accredited in ISTDP (intensive short term dynamic psychotherapy) at that time and he was practicing his new technique on me. fortunately, i ended therapy before he completed his accreditation. i hear ISTDP can come off feeling somewhat confrontational and that definitely would not have been a modality i would have liked or found useful.

I would quit, too. I researched it a bit, while on paper it sounds nice. Realistically,it sounds horrible. I believe (as have both of my Ts) that our defenses are there for a reason. We need to respect that they helped me survive the trauma. Those defences were something I needed to use for years so to think we will break them down quickly is unrealistic and in my case likely not safe. I would likely do exactly what you did and quit with more anger and defenses.

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Do Ts piss you off on purpose?

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