My therapist isn't always helpful(Trigger Warning)Mention of CSA

So my therapist started off three years ago saying that she thought a certain person in my family had sexually abused me. Took it back because I was asking why she thought that when I had no memory of that. Saying we could do EMDR to see what comes up to now dont worry about your past. She is very wishy washy. I told her that it makes me really uncomfortable when someone says they suspect that I was sexually abused. She said that would make anyone uncomfortable. I get that but would it make them self conscious, embarassed, feeling like they have to run and hide, tainted, wounded etc. I would ask her but she would probably just find some way to minimize. Thats why I am asking here. Also how would you feel about her being your therapist in general? Isn't what I've described very wishy washy if not at the very most unethical?

I was sexually abused between the ages of 9 and 17. I have miserably clear memories of the years of abuse. I absolutely understand that there are people who don't realize that they were actually, truly abused - especially if they were very young when the abuse took place. I do understand that. In general, however, I feel edgy when a therapist pushes for abuse that might not have happened. What's their agenda about? Are they trying to force the client into their (the therapist's) realm of expertise?

Sometimes I've even wondered if some therapists like to hear dramatic stories, or create them. I'm wary of that tendency. The reason I'm wary is because I've been in the situation of a therapist who did harm to a client(s) by forcing an abuse issue.

I'm just tossing some thoughts out there.

That sounds awful, I read about things like that being huge red flags with therapists. Some people even end up believing they have been abused, just because their therapist told them it must be so!!

For her to just blurt out her projections could be very harmful...even/especially if you actually were abused and had no memories. Personally I would tell her how I felt about this, and if she still couldn’t understand why it was so wrong to assume CSA then I would have to find a new therapist.

It is unprofessional to push like that. Super unprofessional. I have a history of it and TBH sometimes the memories are around and sometimes they are not. One of the abusers was convicted of the same kind of abuse before he came into my life and again after by other kids, not me... so even without memories if you know his details it is pretty safe to assume. Had I told my T about living with this guy my T would assume that the guy had hurt me. T would never, ever in a million years bring it up if I didn’t. One of T’s BIG things is “I NEVER want you to feel pressured to tell me anything until you are ready”.
Not CSA but trauma related... I remember disliking a family member as a kid and not wanting to be alone with him. One holiday dinner he decided to brag about all the (abusive) things he had done to me as a kid. I had remembered like two things I had thought were accidents and were really minor compared to the rest. He listed what seemed like fifty or more that I did not remember. All were abuse with some being pretty terrible.
If T thinks EMDR is for recovering memories (“recovering memories” in trauma therapy is a major taboo anyway...) they did not get proper training in EMDR and they need to not be trying to use it. IMO it sounds like (intentional or not) all they are going to do is induce a trace state and then make suggestions until you remember. This is a really good way to create false memories.
If you have no memories, even if you have every symptom known to human kind for CSA it is wholly unethical to go digging. If you are not remembering it then either it isn’t there OR your mind is protecting you because you don’t yet have what you need to safely remember. Forcing the memory will only retraumatize.
For severe trauma the first thing is establishing safety. If the client hits a wall, has symptoms they can’t contain, is overwhelmed.... you go back and establish safety.
My T and I established safety, for me, the early parts of safety were very specific ways of sitting in relation to eachother. We did some very heavy processing and I was very comfortable doing it. When the pandemic hit and we went to teletherapy I could hold that safe base for a couple weeks and then lost it. Now we are back to in person therapy but have to wear masks and social distance so we can’t sit in a way that was my safety. Admittedly my safety was not nearly strong enough to be doing processing work but the memories and stuff started coming and T followed where I needed to go. Now, without that safe base, we can’t even process stupid stuff yet alone hard stuff and I go totally blank if T goes anywhere near the hard stuff. He knows it is because my safety wasn’t strong enough yet and got disrupted. So... we are back to building safety... with a T I completely trust.

... steps off soap box...

I strongly dislike the idea of a T bringing up the idea of abuse even if they suspect it. I firmly believe if a client doesn't bring it up there us a reason. Either they don't remember because they are not ready to deal with it so their brain is protecting them or they do remember it but they are not ready to process it. Either way the client is not ready so the therapist needs to be patient.

It took me quite some time to bring my abuse up to my long term therapist. I needed to feel safe in our relationship to tell something that I had never told anybody else. When I told her she responded that now things made sense to her. There were things that didn't quite add up to her and she couldn't figure it out. Had she told me earlier that things didnt quite make sense and that she thought I had been abused, I probably would have shut down.

My current T and I utilize EMDR to look at and better understand and then reprocess memories. I would bit want to go fishing for things from my past.

In my view it's unethical to suggest abuse before a client brings up the possibility themselves. There's just so much potential for false memories because the client may think 'if the therapist said this, it must be a possibility.' The therapist should always take the client's lead.

I'd also advise trying to explain how you feel about this. If your therapist doesn't listen or respond well, I'd seriously think about finding someone else. False memories are dangerous ground and can ruin lives.

It is very unethical for a therapist to dig for things so the client can fit their case formulation. It's wrong, very wrong.

A therapist did it to me and it was traumatic. CSA wasn't my problem at all. She was just lazy and didn't ask questions.

Be VERY wary of the therapist that tries to convince you of events you have no memory of. I had early abuse that I didn't recognize as abuse and parts of memory were gone, but I came upon them on my own and they were verifiable. I never had a therapist remotely suggest them to me. Can you leave and find a different therapist? This is dangerous.

Well, she took it back and said she was sorry she ever mentioned it. She did say we could do EMDR and try to remember stuff. Then when I had a body memory she said we should not focus on the past but the present. She is a very wishy washy therapist.
I could go to another therapist but I've grown attached to her.

I hope that works for you. Kind of hard to unring a bell.

She still seems focused on "remembering[ing] stuff" when she needs to be working with you to process what you already know you have experienced. Just be careful. Memories are pesky little things.

EMDR isnt very reliable or supported by evidence.