My T has had her hair cut short, I felt like I was talking to a stranger, it’s hard enough using FaceTime anyway.

[ArtieTheSequal]

That would be really hard, even more so over video sessions. My t has really curly hair, one time a couple years ago I went in and she had her hair all straightened - and she looked SO much like someone from my past - I was so absolutely distracted I kept seeing the other person and could not focus one iota on therapy that day. I know t's have personal lives too but dang... they need to think about how a change like that is going to affect their clients, I think.

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

That would be really hard, even more so over video sessions. My t has really curly hair, one time a couple years ago I went in and she had her hair all straightened - and she looked SO much like someone from my past - I was so absolutely distracted I kept seeing the other person and could not focus one iota on therapy that day. I know t's have personal lives too but dang... they need to think about how a change like that is going to affect their clients, I think.

I agree, my T’s face is usually really comforting to me, but with her hair cut, her face looked really different.

[nottrustin]

I never thought such things would bother me because long term T frequently cut her hair because she kept it pretty short so it didnt bother me.

Current T though, kept it one length for about thr first two years which was fairly short. Then last year she cut it really short and it seemed weird; partially because it is not my favorite hair style on anybody. I am use to it now but in the beginning I had to avoid looking at her face when we were talking anything emotional. The same thing happened thr one day that she sat in a regular chair vs. her exercise ball.

[LonesomeTonight]

T usually wore contacts (then to Lasik), but occasionally he'd wear glasses to session instead, and it would throw me off (he seemed more...intimidating or something when he wore glasses). Now he always wears reading glasses for Zoom sessions, and it took some getting used to. He'll sometimes take them off briefly, which is nice. He's also changed the shape and length of his beard a couple times--I told him at one point that if he decides to shave it off (or shave his head, which would be unfortunate, as he has nice hair), he needs to warn me in advance!

So I get it.

[emmaleemochizuki]

I know some psychoanalytic orientated T's tend to try and keep themselves looking the same most of time.

but I suppose normal people sometimes change how they look quite often, liking dying hair, or different hairstyle or wearing something different. but I feel ya. I will feel quite awkward too.

when I first started seeing my T she had a fringe, but she's outgrown it now.

[coolibrarian]

After her cancer surgery, my T stopped coloring her hair. Her hair is now pure white, a very pretty color. There isn't even any gray left in it, as I have in mine. It wasn't a shock because it was a gradual change, but I can see how a radical change could be upsetting.

That would be hard! remember, she is still the same person though.
It used to be hard for me when my therapist changed her hair, but then I got used to it. Over the years she has had it several lengths and several colors. It just took time to get used to.

[*Beth*]

Ugh. I feel for you. My T always wears her grey hair fairly long and straight. One day I went to a session and her hair had been cut to her shoulders and curled on the ends. It wasn't that it didn't look pretty; it did. But sheesh, the new style threw me. I was all disoriented. I don't remember if I said anything, or not. Fortunately, her hair is back to its normal self

I have thought a lot about this subject and concluded that therapists just don't realize how much they affect us. It reminds me of a time when I was in 4th grade. I was with my mom in a department store and we ran into my teacher and her family. I acted normal, but inside I felt really shaken up. Logically, I knew she had a family. But in my mind I pictured her as living in the classroom. The next school day I felt so awkward I couldn't even look at her. My teacher probably didn't have a clue as to how strange that experience was for me.

I do appreciate that analysts are aware of such subtleties, and respect them.