[KLL85]

My T is on a three week break at the moment but I’ve been reflecting on something she said to me last week. We were discussing my inability to practice self care and the fact that I hate myself so much and she told me that I should join a gym if I want to start feeling better about myself. At the time I was a bit taken a back by the suggestion as she knows how anxious and panicky I get around people due to the overwhelming fear of being judged and ridiculed, so thought it was a bit of a strange suggestion. But now I’m actually really offended by the comment as it seemed to be implying that I should loose weight to feel better. I’m extremely self conscious about the way I look and hate what I look like so this has triggered a lot of feelings. I’m not comfortable discussing these insecurities with her yet so I haven’t directly addressed the issue of being insecure about the way I look, only in a roundabout way talking about the fact I hate everything about myself. She tells me most sessions that I need to be more active and do more exercise so I guess the suggestion of joining a gym goes along the same lines.
Am I blowing this completely out of proportion or was it insensitive for a T to make this suggestion?

[ArtleyWilkins]

You are equating the gym with weight. Your T seemed to be equating the gym with self care. Perhaps you are thinking about different things.

[Oliviab]

If a T recommended weight loss as a way of alleviating self-hatred and/or as a means to feeling like you deserve self care, I would be concerned. But I think it's a leap to assume that's what she meant. There's no way of knowing what your T meant when she suggested you join a gym without asking her. Given the context, it's likely she views exercise as self-care and thought physical activity might make you feel better (mentally and physically).

[Omers]

I doubt T meant it in the way you are currently hearing it but I believe the timing of the comment was poor. Suggestions like that are often simply met to get people active especially if they might be struggling with depression. Activity can help some people pull out of a depression and exercise can release endorphins which make you feel good.
I don’t think it had anything to do with weight. I do think it was showing a lack of sensitivity to your social anxieties. I also think throwing something new out there just before going on break is always risky.

[Salmon77]

I'd agree with the other posters that your T suggesting the gym was likely more about self care and self esteem than about your weight. I know that I feel a lot better about my body and myself when I get regular exercise, and there have been many studies showing that exercise is good for mental health.

If you don't want to join a gym, is there any other regular exercise you could do? I did home yoga for a while, just following youtube videos (I really like Yoga with Adriene). Going for walks is easy and relaxing, or maybe running if you're up for something harder.

[KLL85]

The thing is she knows I already walk for a couple of hours 4-5 times a week so it’s not like I don’t do any exercise. I have to force myself to do it sometimes as I often don’t feel like it, but I think that’s why I found the suggestion offensive as she already knows I do regular exercise. But from the responses I guess I’m just paranoid. Thanks for replying all.

[coolibrarian]

People use gyms not just to lose weight. You can get your endorphins going, and that is good self-care. Exercise, even just walking, can get the endorphins going. You can use certain machines to build muscle, which may make you feel physically and emotionally stronger. You can take dance lessons at some gyms.

I don't think you are over reacting at all. I would be angry. Unless you are paying your therapist to be a weight loss coach or personal trainer then her advice about your exercise is irrelevant. I would tell my therapist to piss off and consider her feminist principles.

[*Beth*]

I used to be very thin, spent some years on Seroquel, and gained a lot of weight.

I am so self-conscious that I think pretty much everything anyone says to me is about my weight. And if they're not saying it, they're thinking it. Such thinking seems ridiculous even to me, but that's what's in my mind, so I project it onto others.

And yet, I in no way judge anyone else's weight - or even think anything about it, at all.

You might be projecting your fear onto your therapist. My suggestion is to work on your self confidence (probably the hardest issue of all to work on, but it can be done).

[Rive.]

You could always check it out with T rather than assuming she was targeting your weight and/or being insensitive,

The gym is more social, seeing and/or engaging with people, along with the release of endorphins to boost your mood.

It's easy to jump the gun. Ask T directly rather than speculate and attribute a negative intention to T.