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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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Aug 01, 2020 at 01:51 AM
#1
My therapist has severe asthma and has been out sick because of it. She was away all of July. We have 2 sessions per week. So I've missed eight sessions. Every 3 days her receptionist calls me and says she's pretty sure M. will be back in "a few days." All month it's been "in a few days." The roller coaster ride stress for me is monumental.
This week I accepted that she'd be out for the rest of July, but that surely she'd return in August. Not to be; I got a message this afternoon that M. will be out all next week. So if she returns for the second week of August, great - except that she's supposed to be on vacation the third week of August. With covid and all the time she's been out I don't know if her vacation is still happening. The clinic has offered to let me see another T if I need some extra support while M. is gone. But, none of the T's there seem like people I'd want to do therapy with, even short-term. And, I resent being dumped off on another T as if just anyone can take the place of M. in my life. Plus, I have my pdoc to talk to a little bit. I have all of my appointments scheduled for August, but I'm so stressed over the constant emotional expectation that M. will be in her office but then, isn't. Rinse, repeat. She's an idealistic person and I'm sure she tells herself that she'll be back in a few days. Setting a specific date, say September 1st, seems more realistic and professional to me. Then if she happens to return sooner, all the better. But that's not how she works. When I found out today that she won't be back again next week I felt the old, familiar sense of not being able to trust or rely on anyone. The feeling was so consuming that I had an urge to harm myself. At this time I'm considering canceling all of the appointments I have scheduled for August and setting my next appointments for September. Just accept that august is off. And a part of me just wants to quit therapy altogether. Cut my losses and walk. Any ideas? __________________ |
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