Couch 218: Northern Minnesota 2050

My aunt and uncle have a fruit farm in western New York. She usually sends me honey crisp or sweet tangoes. Both are really yummy. Hard to find New York apples in Texas though.

My favorite apple is honeycrisp.

Work was so stressful today, I'm still super-stressed about this refi we're doing, it's weird and it's taking longer than normal because it all has to be online and so MANY people are doing them right now and stuff, plus I have a ton of questions because I'm freaking out over all the huge FBI warnings on the paperwork, anytime we deal with finances I become a paranoid blubbering idiot scared of every.little.nuance and h is about at his wit's end with me plus underneath all of that i'm still of course stressing about the pandemic, my guilt complex somehow gets totally activated by all this damn anxiety, I need a drumming circle in person, I need L in person, can't have either and I think i need anxiety meds... and now I've got a cough starting. ugh. Just, ugh. Whoosh. Breathe, Artie, breathe. The workday is over. Forget about it. Set aside the refi, you'll have your latest set of answers tomorrow. I think I'll put on my tennies and hop on the treadmill for a bit. I have so much anxiety and nervous energy I'm about to jump outta my skin.

Hugs, Artie. My T would definitely approve of exercise to deal with stress! (I'm not so good at doing that though...)

me too!!!!!!

I’ve only ever bought Ambrosia in Nino Salvaggio stores. I think it’s only located in my state but I might be wrong.
Home - Nino Salvaggio

The other very tasty apple is Kiku. I think it’s seasonal. We only see it in the winter (northern hemisphere). They don’t have it right now in the stores.
KIKU(R) | CMI Apples

No I am not apple merchant lol we are just always on a look out for apples

Whew!! That was a fun workout. I've done 2 now and a meditation thingie on this peloton app free trial, if I keep liking it this much I likely will subscribe. I just completed a 30 minute hike with Matty Maggiacomo that got up to 10% incline. stopdog thanks again for the suggestion, it's a lot more fun yelling back at mister positive instructor man that can't hear me when he's all cheerful and I'm exhausted haha! gives me energy to keep going.

And, I'm feeling a little less anxious too. I need to remember this feeling and get my butt on there every day!!

I am glad you are finding it useful

Haha, guess i gotta take myself apple tasting.

ENDEAVOR -

Murderer at dinner: Dessert?
His wife: Prunes.
M: Delectable!
W: And cold custard.
M: Tip-top!

Speaking of pumpkin spice, I read some stores are starting their pumpkin spice fall food and drink early, because it cheers people up.

That depresses me. If they start xmas music any earlier than they already do I may become homicidal.

J told me that he likes this relationship, what we're doing right now, but he has reservations about long-term stuff. He isn't sure why (or he isn't willing to tell me so is feigning ignorance). I don't have reservations, at least not now.

This is one of my buttons, feeling like I'm more into a thing than the other person is. I feel really bad.

As a musician, Christmas music preparation generally starts in early October, so I've become immune to early Christmas music issues.

We don't even know if we'll be singing this season yet. My guess is probably not. THAT is depressing. I miss my chorus and choir peeps.

We've started inservices and first day of school is Aug. 19, but we still don't have any idea what our schedules are, so we are oddly getting classrooms ready for students that won't be in person until at least after labor day and not having any ability to actually plan lessons until we know our schedules and upload our courses to Canvas. Such a weird start this year.

Heading up to the building to finish my room this afternoon, and then I don't see much need to work in the building since we Webex most of our meetings anyway. We are allowed to telecommute for now and go in as needed.

Symphony cancelled chorus performances for now - we expected that - singing in groups is not a good idea. They are going to smaller orchestral works - mostly strings. Audience will be limited to about 150 patrons (hall actually can hold 2500).

Life is just odd right now.

My insurance company called me this morning and asked me if i wanted a dr to make a house call tomorrow at oh say 12:45, 1pm. Im like, gee actually i have a phone appt with my reg dr at that time. Oh! I think thats why she hung up on me when i answered, she probably saw the appt? Cus when i answered, the guy said why are you calling us. I said dude, you called me.

Anyway, NO, I dont want a home appt with a strange unknown dr who is probably just picking up and passing around covid cooties all day long, wtf madness is this?

I had another work dream. Just starting a project.

Hugs, I'm sorry...Does he mean reservations with you particularly or just that he has them in general with dating, like fear of commitment thing? That would really concern me.

It's a button for me as well, feeling I'm more into things that the other person. I think back to when, in senior year of high school, I told this guy (who was in college) I'd been dating for...maybe 4 months? "I love you," and he was like, "Aw, that's so sweet." Then he made a lame excuse to cancel the next date, I figured out what was up, and broke up with him. I have this thing that when I've started to get real feelings for people, it's like, "Oh no, now I'm going to mess this up." Happened with my now-husband. I started realized I loved him and felt I was doomed. There was this moment when we were walking in the area where we had our first date, maybe 4? 5? months in, and he told me to stop for a second. I was waiting for the "I love you," but he just...told me the history of some building there. (Obviously, he later told me he loved me, or we wouldn't be married now...)

Last night I went to bed a little early and put on one of the meditations, I still had my glasses on not intending to fall asleep, but of course I did almost immediately and woke up at like 2am glasses still on, tablet next to me. haha I guess it was good! I remember nothing but the very beginning, taking deep breaths....

That was one of the instructions when i was taking Ambien, to take deep breaths. And poof i was gone.

My whole life coulda been different if i had had good sleep hygiene. Oh well - next reincarnation!

I would suggest taking a breath and slowing down. You haven't been dating this guy all that long. I am the sort to have reservations even after 4 - 5 years of being together. If left to my own devices, I probably wouldn't kiss or hug the first year. I hate being pressed about that stuff and this is (to me) very early into dating. Just get to know each other and see. In truth, even if he said he did not have any reservations - it would still not be a guarantee of any sort. Aren't buttons the sort of stuff that therapy is theoretically supposed to be useful for? So recognize it is a button, take a breath or a walk or whatever and remember that you don't have to act on a button.

My dad had to ask my mom three times before she said yes to marrying him.

Do men not have these buttons, I wonder? Or different buttons?

OMG everything sucks.

About 5 minutes into session today, P says "there's something I have to tell you" and I felt my stomach drop. He's going back to school and shutting his practice down at the end of the year. Apparently, I'm the only client right now and he's already started school remotely. This feels really raw and I feel empty at the moment. At some point the feelings are going to hit me and it's going to be awful. He's going to call and check in with me at 8 pm and we're going to meet tomorrow.

Oh NP I'm so sorry. I can't imagine.