Couch 218: Northern Minnesota 2050

Hello Art, good to see you! I actually got really tired all of a sudden so I'm going to head to bed. I expected to be up longer after I posted. Oh well, talk soon.

Class tonight is interesting. We watched a video about poor Little Albert. (is there any Psych class that he does NOT pop up in?!) We're in lab time right now, she gives us the last hour to do our discussion posts, and I'm done with mine a little early. We'll be regrouping on the google meets web call thingy in a few minutes to wrap up the evening's class time so I better get off here so I'm ready when the prof starts talking again.

Hey! Glad you popped by. Sleep well

Something somebody else on pc wrote made me think: i may be their narcissistic supply, but they were also MY narcissistic supply. They would kill me if i misbehaved? It would kill them if i misbehaved? - then i must be pretty important! Its hard to give up that quid pro quo.

We’ve been asked not to require cameras because a lot of our students are on the wrong side of the digital divide and have crappy internet and equipment.

And yeah, less than 30% of students are attending classes in person. They’re smarter than the administration.

You quoted the wrong post of mine so I was kinda confused, una!

But yeah, I agree, my deadbeat brother gets a huge secondary gain, and they gain something too yeah.

It seems like certain cultures are very narcissistic... i know it isn't just Desi and Chinese but certain very important cultural beliefs hold up parents to be god-like. And in desi and chinese culture, you're expected to put your parents above your spouse and kids etc.

So even though I've never liked slavish adherence to filial piety and "honour your parents" (concepts that have been distorted into extremes), i feel I'm bad. So incredibly bad.

I used to feel they would be happier if I killed myself and got all my money, life insurance etc... now that I've left and am genuinely happier despite post traumatic symptoms, I feel so guilty. Guilty about being happy.

I don't think my college has any classes in person yet. I'm not sure how they're handling those classes that really need to be in person, like the medical-related ones, since I'm not taking anything like that I haven't really paid much attention.

Yes, sometimes i will just quote a short post so i dont have to delete a bunch of stuff and run the risk of deleting the name of the OP.

Sorry i confused you!

Eta - and yes, my desi friends agreed we have the same family.

High five! One of my desi friends checks in with me once in a while, but she's going through a rough time.

When i tell people i moved out because of dv, they always ask me about my adult brothers who remain. They talk like I looked out only for myself and ditched them.

And I get so guilty, sigh..I don't want to tell the full story to exonerate myself but I feel i must. Eg i took the brunt of things once I burned out from work. Abusive brother likes where he is. Younger brother is the golden child. No one wanted to leave with me.

I am now one glass of wine in to my desire to get pleasantly intoxicated this evening after that difficult therapy session earlier. I am proud of myself for waiting until after class ended to poor the first glass. I took tomorrow off work, I have a lot of PTO I need to use before the end of the year, and I decided this year, damn it, I'm going to take all of it instead of cashing out most of my purchased PTO like I usually end up doing. Even after taking tomorrow off, I still have 54 hours available right now. Time to pour glass #2.

You guys, why is therapy so damn hard?!?!?!?!?!!

Wish it was easier too

Hugs to all people struggling.

I don't know what we're about to get into but I know the urge to run the **** away is super strong right now, so strong that I was an *** to L today.

Do people who leave negative comments on trip advisor, like Big Ben is "just a big clock", do it to be trolls or do they truly not marvel at the historical facts behind monuments and the wonders of nature? I am leaning towards mainly trolls.

We only have the red one here at least in the petshops i go to. Glad it worked.

I relate. I get pissy with my T. She gets firm and I react VERY badly to that.

Whatever happens... It could be very painful hence the urge to run.

Mine said it's hard for her to witness me crumple from my own necessary hard truths about my family. She says them still because false hope keeps me trapped. Each time, it breaks my heart and she said its hard for her to have to do this to me.

I think trolls. Just unhappy people that want to drag everyone down to their level of unhappy. I've seen some comments too like that about other places that are just awe-inspiring to me.

More adventures without lithium. Today i walked through a shopping centre with nearly no anxiety and definately not the paralysing kind that had me clinging to a trolley just to get around. I wish i had a pdoc or T to say i told you so they wouldnt believe me that these were real side effects .

That's what happened today. L got very directive at me, and I basically acted like a complete asshole in return. I haven't cried that much in a session in a long time. I hate when I have to witness myself being an asshole. And she made me do that. I'll tell you what, her bringing so much of herself like she said into my session certainly was an eye-opener and I don't think I'm going to be fantasizing again anytime soon about wanting a relationship outside of therapy. She's kinda a b****!!!! Day-amn.

This makes me angry. Must be my day for being angry. I will never get an opportunity to see these things.

I have just realised maybe rhye do it for comedic value.

I know, right? Like I have read reviews before of 5 star resorts (cuz I like to dream about such things) that never in my wildest dreams would I actually be able to afford that make them sound like a random Motel 6. When you KNOW, the service is likely actually the most impeccable ever.

Just polished off 2nd glass of wine. At least it is a small glass. I think I want to get ****-faced. I apologize in advance.

I don't think they are all trolls. I think some people really don't understand the overhype on some travel things. I don't for example. Sometimes I see things and I say "that is kind of cool" but that is about the peak for me. I am not a big marveler. I don't get the awe people report about a lot of things. I do like history -but I did not find Big Ben to be all that big of a deal. I am glad I saw it - I didn't hate it, but I can see it described as a big clock. And I would not see that as all that negative. Classical music performances are the most likely places for me to experience what I would consider awe.
I am usually extremely disappointed if I see something that has been described as awesome and find it is not.