Couch 218: Northern Minnesota 2050

Anything cooked in a rice cooker would be super moist, wouldnt it? I m not sure how rice cookers turn off when rice is cooked it must have something to do with the spring at the bottom.

omG the urge to email L is so strong right now .must not!!!!!

i've never used a rice cooker, doe s it make a differnce??

i usually cook rice in a pan of boiling water. sometimes in my IP.

I jut came inside and was sitting on my bed and looked downand there was a grasshopper on my leg. I tried to catch it but it jumped off and now there is omplete pandemonium as 2 dogs and 2 cats try to find it.

my cats don't kno whow to deal with stupiddrunken me at midnight they're looking at me like why are you awake, this is OUR time in the house get out o four way

Its OK to not know. It might come in time, or it might not. Maybe it was preverbal, maybe it was dissociated away...

Not knowing is difficult for sure, because there's no clear cause and effect, just pain that makes you feel crazy because there's no "reason"...but depending on the wounds, knowing doesn't always lessen the pain...

I know I'm much younger than you so ymmv but for most of my life because of dissociative amnesia, I didn't know why I was hurting so much. Now that I've recovered some memories, and got a lot of independent external corroboration... it's "easier" because I've "reasons" and "evidence" but still very very very agonising.

For me sometimes it does as i tend to either over or under cook it or forget about it and burn it.

L has mentioned before that i tmight be preverbal and that' shwy she's pushing me so hard to come in and do sand trays i think

i already know taht a lot o fthis comes from a very young place so maybe it IS from a younger plac e tha ni thought

i feel SOOOO stupid for how i acted in my session today.

Rice cooker turns out perfect rice or porridge. All you gotta do is add the correct amount of water then just set and forget.

I think it's really similar to an instant pot, but i don't have an IP so i dunno.

I've made stew and soup in the rice cooker and a friend said it produces better pasta than boiling on the stove.

omg i already feel so stupid for how i am acting NOW!

cool. i think i'm going to do some cooking tomorrow since i'm off work. assuming i wake up before noon. haha

I really respect L and my T pushes hard too but L needs to back off a bit maybe? There's a function to the resistance that's important to listen to.

My T pushes hard and she calls me a dialect term loosely translated to "wishy washy"/ hesitant but she also makes it clear that if i firmly tell her to back off, she will.

You're not. You're HURTING and you NEED comfort and assurance, love and care, dear Art

you guys, i really have to thank you for putting up with my ******** for so many years. I'm such a broken mess. I am so sorry for ever acting like I thought differently. I'm sorry for anything I might have ever said that hurt anyone. I really have come to the point where I just want to be loved for the ****ed up, broken person that I am and I love all of you for whoever you are.

Blessings and love to you dear QM. You deserve so much comfortan d reassurance also.

she saw that and she did bless her heart. there's a part of me that still just loves her SO much no matter what sh edoes. . i know i was wanting to see a differn t t but i think that this i sjus tsomething i have to work out with HER becaus eshe touches those place sthati'm not sure anyone else would be able to the level that we connect on is so deepit's ****ing terrifying butis' what i have to do.

You're being so hard on yourself Art. It's OK yo be a "broken mess" among safe and loving friends. You've never been arrogant or anything like that.

We feel broken and maybe to some people we are but i always like the idea of kintsugi.

You're wounded, I'm wounded... we all didn't choose our wounds yet here we are trying to heal and helping each other.

I could never have accepted my sexual orientation or gender identity (coming from a place where some parents legit rather their LGBTQ child kill themself) if not for people here and elsewhere who loved me just as I am.

Same for my trauma, the years I was just screaming in pain etc. I've lost so many people, yet PC was here.

Hugs Art. Maybe Current Art and Little Art needs some love

so many blessings to you.

little art and current art need to have a love fest or something that is for sure. i have cried so much today i can't believe i stil have tears but i am bawling again rn. i want L so much right now.

Kinda sucks that these t's purport to this whole 'walking beside' us and **** but ar ethey there when we are really in th ****ing frying pan? no! i wan ther NOW!!!! at midnight:20! i fshe saw me NOW she would likey run the other direction at 100 mph.

But no. She will see me next wednesday, after all of this has calmed down, and she wil not know how ****ed up i am.

you know what i am going to do i am going to type exactdly how i am right now into a ****ing word doc and i ma going to read it to her next week then she wil l kNOW

I love my T immensely too and what you have with L is incredible.

She can hurt you so badly due to that bond... I'm not ragging on her but i hope she can never forget how she holds your heart.

An analogy i read from a WordPress friend is that she's like an egg. Her ex T spent years breaking down the shell, they did lots of work in the white...and when they touched the yolk, the T couldn't do it. She would be shamed for being unable to comfort her child parts herself and it was agonising for her to be terminated by that therapist.

The yolk work requires great care and love. Not all Ts can do it. Maybe you and L are in the yolk, and she sees it, hence the pushing? She can push and i know you love her (and she, you) AND she still needs to hold you with love, you know?