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#1
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but who cares? not me
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#2
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__________________
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#3
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Uh oh.....
Well regardless, I hope your session goes well and I will check in with you later. xoxoxoxox |
#4
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Do a detect a little
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
#5
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I care. Hope you have a great session!
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__________________
"Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." |
#6
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How did it go? I'd really like to hear
![]() ![]() tulips
__________________
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#7
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((Echoes))
I hope it went well! I know it did! |
#8
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(((((Echoes)))))
Are you back? Are you ok? I care. I bet T cares. Something brewing? Are you percolating? ![]() ![]() ![]()
__________________
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#9
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((((((((((Echoes))))))))
I care. ![]()
__________________
The unexamined life is not worth living. -Socrates |
#10
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((Echoes))
__________________
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach |
#11
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We care...!
__________________
My new blog http://www.thetherapybuzz.com "I am not obsessing, I am growing and healing can't you tell?" |
#12
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(( thank you )) for caring! Your replies mean a lot to me!
I really really really didn't feel like going. All day I wished I could just go home from work and not have to go out. Those sessions can turn out to be decent ones anyway. There were little things, like she moved her chair as close as possible ![]() ...I have this wonderful relationship with someone on a site, who's educated to be a T, doctorate even; but has a different business of her own. We have written for several years, nearly every day. I'm so attached to her! She was like a T to me, very very supportive, very very nurturing. Then it changed. She had been encouraging me to get face to face therapy since we first began writing and I knew I needed to get back into it. She was the one who told me about different types of therapies and therapists. So the relationship changed, at her request. I have desires for mothering and the relationship with this person was like a dream come true. When the relationship changed I was devastated and thought I did something wrong. She has assured me several times I did not. It was 'entering into the realm of psychotherapy' to her and so we had to shift. We still write. Or as far as I know we are, if I haven't totally screwed it up with this current panic that she's leaving me. From time to time, I get overwhelmed with panic that she is pulling away and will leave me. I get so panicked I can hardly think of anything else. I do stupid things like treat her as if she really is leaving me. I try to pull her back close to me. I withdraw. I become so convinced of my own thoughts that I think it's actually happening. This puzzles her because (so far! lol) it's not been true. This time I think it's frustrated her. My worries create this extreme tension within me. Then when I share them with her, it creates terrible tension in the relationship. THEN I think... oh she's going to leave me now because I've done it again! So then I'm back to panic and distress, sick with worry. Round and round. So this time we've talked about separateness again, about her having her own thoughts separate from my thoughts and that I can have thoughts that she's leaving but she has her own thoughts that don't include leaving me. She tells me that my magical thinking makes me think I have some control over her coming or going and when I can accept that, my worry will not be so vivid. I asked T WHY do I keep doing this?!?! ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() T says because I am trying to fulfill a need that wasn't met when I was a child. And that I found just what I'd looked all my life for, and I want to hold it close. I want someone to be there just for me. That I'm trying to fill an emptiness in me that I don't yet believe that I can find now. She's right I don't believe it. I'm listening, though. I want to believe it. ![]() ![]() |
#13
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(((((((((Echoes)))))))))
I know so well that pain you're describing ![]() ![]() ![]()
__________________
The unexamined life is not worth living. -Socrates |
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