T and I are frustrated with each other (Rant, long)

So my T and I are kind of heated with each other right now. He needs me to sign a safety plan paper that has to be done every couple months at his therapy clinic. Due to to Covid we can't meet inside a building so he comes to my home and meets me on the porch.

Originally he asked to come yesterday to which I agreed. The time came and went and after a few hours I texted him asking what was going on. He said that things came up unexpectingly and asked to come today instead. It bothered me a bit that he didn't tell me cause I have to stay home and make sure I'm available if he plans on coming by but nonetheless I took a breather before responding, I let it go, and agreed could come today instead.

So today comes. He texts me saying he will be here in a few minutes so I take my headphones off to make sure I can hear and wait. The time passed and nothing happened. About 10 minutes after he texted me, I looked outside the living room windows and didn't see anyone. Finally I get a call from him and I expect it's his "I'm here" call so I instead of even answering it I just come right outside and there's no one in sight. Then out of the corner of my eye I see his car speed off in a huge huff. My brother says he was trying to come to the door but by the time he put his slippers on, the person was gone. I immediately called him back but it just went to voicemail. I left him a text nicely saying that I was confused about what happened and asked him to call me when he gets the chance.

To be honest, I'm left very hurt right now by the way he ignored my call and pulled off in such an angry huff. I texted him a couple hours ago and haven't heard anything back. Based on what everyone in my house said, it didn't sound like he really made an effort at making his presence known. Even if it was my fault for not knowing he was at the door, though, was such a dramatic pull-off and then ignoring my call really warranted?

It's Friday and it's almost 3PM. I have a feeling he's not going to get back to me today and I'm worried about the destructive rupture this might leave on our therapeutic relationship if these feelings of hurt have to sit over the weekend without any resolution. I already have a nervousness surrounding therapy due to past experiences and this isn't good at all to add to it. It doesn't make me feel good about the current therapeutic relationship with him I have and I know it isn't going to leave an optimistic view for future ones. This just hurts for so many reasons. It feel like more rejection which I already have so much of in my life and it's broken trust because he knows my mental health has been horrible lately and then he acts in a way that I'm sure he must realistically know is going to hurt my feelings.

I feel like I let so much go. Him changing appointment times right before they're about to happen, taking vacation days without almost any notice, him no-showing for a session without notice once, him shortening a session once, I let it all go and I don't hear that he's at the door one time and it's angry speeding away and ignoring my calls. It makes me feel worthless that my allowance for mistakes seems to be so low, like I'm only tolerable if I can act 'perfect' whilst someone else can stab me in the back and I'll feel obligated to tell them it's okay. I just feel like my worth is so much lesser than everyone else's.

Whelp, my moods going to be plummeted for the next few days like it always it after a bad event. Wish me luck in dealing with it, everyone.

He sounds like he’s being very immature about it all. Sorry he made this so hard for you, good luck handling the feelings that come from it, you seem much more grown up than him. and I hope you are ok!

I'll be honest, I didn't think much of today's incident when I was reading about it. Did he handle it well? Maybe or maybe not, because "driving off in an angry huff" could be a misinterpretation of his intention. When I got toward the bottom of your post, however, is when I became concerned. Each of the things that you've let go are little instances of bad behavior on his part that should have been addressed at the time they occurred. Now that this incident has occurred, it's like you're dealing with the emotions of everything at once. It makes sense that your mood has plummeted, and I'm sorry that it has. Hopefully he gets back in contact with you soon, and that you can have some resolution with all of this.

How childish. Your T is acting like a jilted lover or friend, not at all like a decent, competent, professional.

It is not you who is or needs to feel worthless, your T is the one who is not good enough. Cancelling on you, not communicating with you, leaving you dangling... behaving like a spoilt brat. These are *not* acceptable.

He needs a reality check. Therapists, at least ethical ones, don't behave like that.

I see his behaviour as major red flags.

I agree that your T is not being professional. You are the client. As the therapist his job is create a secure, reliable place for you. That is T's job and not yours. Please give yourself some slack on that. He is wrong to act this way. HIS job is to maintain the professional relationship with strong boundaries and to do what he says he's going to do. He messed up.

You are doing your part but you can't do his part too and make him more reliable.

I am sorry you are going through this. It is tough when we have these days, periods of hurt.