Couch 223: Jan 4: Darn Tootin'!

i was going to do the "snooze for 30 days" someone on facebook but i can't figure out how anymore. is that no longer an option i wonder?

Great job getting your shoulder looked at! I know it's been bothering you for a while. Actually, a couple people I know (acquaintances--I don't know them very well) have had shoulder surgery recently (weird I thought during the pandemic but maybe it was really bad I don't know!!) but I'm glad you got yours looked at. I hope physical therapy can help you. My sis was going to physical therapy for her hips and back but she ran out of visits or something and now they just send her to pain management which I think is scary because they put her on like percoset or something strong like that!! EEK! I would be afraid to take it. Although when I took Tylenol with Codeine after a surgery I could easily see how people get hooked to that stuff because I felt great for 4 hours then felt crappy for 2 until it was time to take another dose. I got off that stuff as quick as possible because I could easily see myself wanting to take it sooner than prescribed or more frequently than prescribed. I hope physical therapy works for you!!

I'm fairly new to Facebook. I joined in 2020 because it was the only way to attend Church. I didn't even know that was an option. If it still is someone let me know too!

Good for you for crying. I'm glad you feel refreshed now. I've only cried once through a session and it was a termination session. I was a mess! I've never cried in therapy otherwise. I always think I must be doing this wrong!


I'm glad you could stop crying too! I know that feeling of gee if I start can I stop? It's kind of petrifying! I think that is why I don't cry much. I sometimes cry at sad movies and sometimes I cry when studying scripture (okay almost every night) but it's not full on crying, its just like a few tears escape. I think in general I am afraid to cry.

I think too many times I was told, "If you're crying, I'll give you something to cry about." So I learned not to. I'm always very proud of people who can let themselves cry because it is a very normal thing to do. I just haven't learned it yet.

I suddenly find myself exhausted! Good thing it is about 25 minutes til going home time. I need to clean my room but it can wait until tomorrow.

Thanks Kit! I hope so too, I'm in no hurry for another surgery after the 2019 one. The pain meds they gave me after were wonderful while they worked, like you said you feel great for 4 hours then crappy for 2 until you can take it again. After my surgery I pretty much slept in 4 hour chunks. Anyways with my shoulder she told me to take ibuprofen for it, but not every day. I'm not taking anything for it right now because I've learned how not to use my arm, and how to sleep to prevent the worst of the pain. That might change once I start physical therapy but I have ice packs and a heating pad so will try to muddle through with those!

I think that was the advice in the parenting book by Al Capone. I was raised on that too! My crying signals are at least as messed up as my eating/full signals. I think i last spontaneously cried at my goddaughters wedding, over 20 years ago. It felt like a different person inside me was crying.

It took me a moment to remember who Al Capone was....and then I was like LOL!

i typed up a big long response to this and my stupid laptop jumped me out of it for some reason and I lost the whole thing! silly computer.

Anyway i was told that all the time growing up too. Yet, I never learned how NOT to cry, so I just got into more trouble for continuing to cry.

L is very good at just acting like I'm not crying. Except to hand over a box of tissues if there aren't any near the couch. Today there was a full box in front of the couch so I was all set. I felt like a big fat loser sitting there bawling today, I really did, I told her I felt so broken. I think I said that just because I needed to hear her say "Artie, you are not broken." She did not disappoint.

Today's sessions was a perfect example of why I will probably always be in therapy. I need that space where I can just cry and have it just be what it is. I have that no where else.

Artie, you are not broken. And I don't think of you as a loser because you cried. You're kind of my hero! I WISH I could cry like that. Full abandon. You're awesome!

Snooze on Facebook—click or tap on the three dots to the right of the poster’s name.

I thought my class was being Zoombombed for a second today. Kid asked a question about



and it took me a moment to realize he was asking about



Not like una and I don’t make that joke all the time...

You made my day! Or rather, this made my day. A little schaudenanusfreuden!

If you're using a laptop or desktop, click on the little "..." to the upper right of someone's name--the option should be in there (I just checked, but then ended up scrolling through Facebook for 20 minutes before remembering what I was there to check on!). If on app, not sure. You can also snooze groups you're in (I've done that with some lately).

I was also told not to cry as a kid. I eventually learned to keep it in, then just cry in private. So crying in therapy, in front of my therapist, and having it just be accepted is freeing. Dr. T tends not to say anything about my crying, just lets it be. The only time are when I seem to randomly start crying at something he's saying--and then he might ask, "Why are you crying?"

I've come to learn that crying is a sign that something is really bothering me. OK, that sounds obvious. But I've started crying at seemingly random things in therapy (the one that jumps out at me was "I miss math!" in marriage counseling--which I think was more about missing things that had clear right or wrong answers, that could be solved with logic).

But there have been times I'm talking in therapy and get really emotional, and I'm like, "Why am I getting so emotional about *this* of all things?" And it makes me realize I need to pause and consider why it's affecting me that much, even if it seems random or silly.

I'm glad that L told you you're not broken. There are moments where I have apologized to Dr. T for crying, then I've said something like, "Why am I apologizing for this? You're a therapist."

The moment where I think the paternal transference really set in with ex-MC was when I was crying too hard to answer the question he'd asked me, so I apologized. And he said, "It's OK." He was saying that my crying was OK, and that really affected me. Dr. T has said "it's OK" a couple times when I've apologized, too--not the same effect (and ex-MC had what I called his "super-caring voice"), but still meaningful.

So...I get it. And how therapy can be really healing in that way.

I am not a crier. The don't cry or I will give you something to cry about was a rallying cry in the family. I actually think it has helped with my job a lot. Detachment is not bad.

Finally finished my 8-day stretch at work.

That's lovely and all, but the BF and I were supposed to go for a hike on my birthday and we were just texting and he said he has to be at work on Sunday so we can hang out in the evening but we can't go for a hike. I'm weirdly disappointed. Like, disappointed out of proportion to the issue. I was just excited not to spend my birthday alone for once.

you know what broke the dam today, it was right after we first sat down and she said she could feel how tired i was, and it was affecting her energy too. Just that - the fact that I had an effect on her - the tears started. She backpedaled a lil and said she wouldn't normally tell a client how they had affected her but because we've known each other for a long time she thought it was okay. she said that is what you pay me for. or something like that.


the rest of the time i was bawling because of what i was talking about - the hatred that's been sprouting on facebook among my close group of friends that hurts my heart.



sorry if i'm not making sense. h tooke me out for margaritas because i told him it was a kinda difficult session. sometimes i do really love that man you know? days like today i'm so gratefulthat i have him

will you teach me? detachment i mean?

As a child, and even now, I cry so little in public that people, including therapists, tend to overreact way too much when I do.

Which reminds me, I was sorting through notes on an old cell phone. In one I’d recorded striking things my early therapists (1-3) said. I have no memory of the context, but No. 1 once asked if she could rub my shoulders. Very sure I said no.

i love L and all, but i would draw the line at her rubbing my shoulders. that would be a hard no.


although strangely enough I can definitely picture sitting next to her and putting my head on her shoulder like i used to do with my grandma.

i can't figure out the 30 day snnooze thing. can't see the option on my facebook. i guess i am going to have to just block this one person.the one that's so deep into the conspiracy theories. L was really helpful today in that regard about how it sounds like I am seeing her shadow. that put a nother whole spin on things.

this mexican restaurant we went to, the local hole in the wall one that's our fave, their margaritas are totally dangerous haha you can't taste the tequila AT ALL. we got a liter and split it between us. i usually let h have more but not today. i took my whole half!

that's funny. whole half.

i got a chile rellano mmmmmm

is that like a freudian slip or something? i just see the word freud in there. ha.


let's have a couch party. i am more than a bit tipsy from the margaritas.

and may I just say, what is with this monkey tail beard?

it's Scrabble night which is going to be a hoot what with the liter of margaritas between us hahaha!

ok i will stop spamming th couch now and go play scrabble with h. i need to win one of these fridays.


and i still want lessons on how to be detached. i'm starting to feel all mushy about L again today dang it all