Couch 224: 2day, 2morrow, 4evah!

SK - I understand giving people gifts makes you feel good -but that seems to be a big area where you could cut way back and then have the ability to take better care of yourself.

Flowers and chocolate from my boss for Valentine's Day! Awe!

Yeah. One of my love languages is gifts. So it's hard to not spoil people sometimes. I at least made a budget this year. I know it is only February but except for the thing for my Dad, I've stuck to it. I'm a work in progress.

I haven't even figured out how to get reimbursed for Pdoc. I probably could get something reimbursed but I haven't figured out how to do it. Their medical side is pretty easy but the mental health side sucks. It's a whole other provider. I don't necessarily mind paying cash. I did that for 10 years with Former T. But I made a budget to pay off my credit cards by next Summer and I'll have my car paid off by then and then the major thing I will have left is my student loans which I will be paying on until I retire probably. So I need to be very careful to stay within my budget to stay on track plus allow for expenses such as vet bills for Esther.

So for me at least, yes, I feel like crap after the second vaccine shot.

I could go in if I had to, but I decided to teach from home today. Am now curled up in bed between classes.

HUGS @@ I hope you feel better soon.

Thanks for the support last night. I don't think he has any money so he can't get the storage facility himself and it probably costs something to replace those documents as well. I keep vacillating between this isn't my problem and I should help him with this. I'm just feeling a lot of anger right now.

HUGS @NP_Complete

I emailed a T on Psychology Today. We'll see what he says/if he responds. I tried to go to his website and it wouldn't go so that sort of seems like a bad sign to me. He was the only one I could afford, assuming he would give me a sliding scale fee.

Hope you feel better soon, ATAT.

Good session with Dr. T today after one that left me really upset Wednesday. He explained why he'd said certain things Wednesday, and it made sense, when I didn't let my emotions take over. He also said he understood why all of it together had a negative effect on me. And it felt like I was talking to the Dr. T I know vs. whatever he was Wednesday. He seemed very present.

He also said he's increased his client load considerably recently, over the level he prefers, because there's such a mental health need in our area. And I said something about that being good for him, and he said actually it's not. I said I meant financially. But I think some of the decreased availability is due to that. And he seems to feel bad about it. That he wants to be more available to clients.

He said he had very little time to reply to my email yesterday morning, that he'd given it a lot of thought and wasn't sure what all he could say in reply that would be better than discussing it. And that he suspected I'd be unhappy with his response. So he knows me well. I apologized for a brief checking-in text last night (to make sure he wasn't upset about the email), and he said he understood and that it was OK.

Also talked about looking at the bigger picture vs. how one session went. And trying to practice more mindfulness, to trying to make what I can of each day. And in talking about how he's concerned about my being too hopeful about my daughter going back to school, he explained how he tends to look at things like that. With not trying to clutch onto it with both hands, but holding some hope in the palm of one hand. He held his hand up when saying it, to demonstrate, and that resonated with me. I tend to veer back and forth between pessimism about things and being really hopeful about them (just in general). Which is hard on me--he agreed on this. So it's best to try a middle ground, though he acknowledged that doing so would be difficult for me. This was right near end of session, so I said maybe we could focus on that more in future sessions.

So, I'm feeling much better about the therapeutic relationship now. Though wishing he had fewer clients...

I'm glad your session went well with Dr. T. It sounds like things are back on track. And that he was more present for you emotionally. That's great! Sorry to hear his caseload is more than he would like. It does start to get to a person. I know my Pdoc was like that--which is why he went to Cash Only. He wants to be able to give 100% to his patients, not less than. I'm really glad you are feeling better about the relationship. Especially going into the weekend. Hang in there. You are doing great!

Thanks, Kit, I really appreciate it.


I just wish I could keep my emotions more calm in these situations and listen to the logical part of my brain that says everything is probably fine. But the emotions override the logic sometimes. Though I have generally gotten better with it.

And you hang in there, too...

On a more amusing note, in mentioning things we wish we could do right now but can't (due to pandemic), Dr. T today mentioned "music concerts." I guess that's up there with "food restaurants."

Had homemade pozole today for lunch. YUMMY. One of my coworker's wives made it for us and brought it in. #spoiledlife

I had to Google that, Kit...but it sounds delicious.

The restaurants here are open for indoor dining. The fun part is - you have to wear a mask until you get to the table - then you take it off. I think that part is silly (I am not an anti-masker - just the arbitrariness of it makes me laugh)

Staying home is, in my opinion, the better part of valor here. Nothing to be gained by going in under such circumstances.

I did not read this as a name and thought it was some kind of safety glass/window thing until i read further.

I think it was Diagnosis Murder where i learnt that mercury vapour can cross the blood-brain barrier and send someone slowly mad and almost indetectable. Or was it Columbo?

Morning couchies! Er, I guess it's afternoon now. I slept until literally noon, went and got about 3 more inches cut off my hair (couldn't quite commit to what I thought I wanted last time, turns out I should have cuz I love it), put in a load of laundry, and just put a meatloaf in the oven, then did the dishes. Normally would have had my session with L today at 1 but since we have now started decreasing frequency, at 1pm today instead of seeing her I spent about 35 minutes reflecting on our work together and stuff and did a little writing about it. Now that the chores are started and the oven, dishwasher, and washer are doing their respective parts, I'm gonna go crochet some more I guess. Today is day 3 of my 5 day vacation. So far so good! I needed this!

I'm glad you had a good session LT, and that you're feeling better about the t relationship.

I hope you feel better soon! I have a couple of friends who work in doctor's offices who have gotten theirs too, and they both said they felt way worse after the 2nd dose. One of them said that after 48 hours, she started feeling better really quickly.

I think una is the resident expert on crime TV shows. She’ll know.

I love both Diagnosis Murder and Columbo but I love Columbo more. And I love Vera--the British Cop/mystery series. It's so broody. I should watch some this weekend. Hmmm. Maybe I should watch it tonight.