[Lostislost]

Not judging anyone’s religions here. Just wondering if your therapist is religious? Did they tell you they were? What do you think of it?

I was drawn to mine because he advertised himself as Buddhist, nature lover, spiritual etc. I have always been interested in these things. Since covid he has seemed much more Christian, (this is bad for me personally due to previous trauma) but I thought I was imagining it. Now I have found out that I am not imagining it at all, and he really has gone down that path. It makes me feel sick and like I can’t trust him. It definitely affects the way he does therapy. He hasn’t updated his ad with his new beliefs, so is everything just a lie? I don’t know.

[LonesomeTonight]

To my knowledge, mine is not. He said at one point that he's "of Jewish heritage" (which I already suspected based on his name), but I don't think he's practicing or at least not particularly religious, as he's never taken off for any Jewish holidays. He is usually off at least a few days around Christmas, so maybe his wife is Christian and they follow that more? Then again, my H had a friend where the whole family was Jewish, yet they still celebrated Christmas in the sense of exchanging gifts.

My T seems more philosophical than religious though. And more of a realist, maybe even existentialist, as opposed to having faith in a higher power. I'm not religious (Christian, technically Catholic), which he knows, though I do pray from time to time. Never go to church or anything though (my stepmother in law is a born-again Christian and kept asking me to go or to do this Bible study email thing, but she's finally given up). I think of myself as more spiritual than religious though, like I don't adhere to any particular belief system.

If my T suddenly started becoming more religious--and it affected how he did therapy--I think that would bother me as well. Out of curiosity, has he specifically shared these beliefs with you in session, or is it a case where you suspected, then learned about it elsewhere (like on his social media or something from a Google search)? If he's mentioned it to you, I think it would be good to bring up. Is he aware of your Christianity-related trauma? It could also be a case where he'd agree to leave religion out of sessions with you. Or is it more that you feel uncomfortable seeing him just knowing he believes what he does? There's nothing wrong with that, just curious. I think the best thing to do is talk about it--if he hasn't come right out and talked about his beliefs, you could just say you've gotten a sense that his beliefs have shifted.

[atisketatasket]

Yup. One of the more evangelical Christian church groups.

She’s never hidden it, though, there’s religious stuff in her office and a page on her website about it. After a few early attempts from her, she hasn’t brought up religion unless I do first, by my request. (I am somewhat religious. I just don’t want to discuss it in therapy.)

I don’t mind so long as she keeps that rule. She seems like a decent person at heart, and if religion helped make her that way, great. But if I had church related trauma, I’d be pretty upset.

[Lostislost]

. Out of curiosity, has he specifically shared these beliefs with you in session, or is it a case where you suspected, then learned about it elsewhere (like on his social media or something from a Google search)? If he's mentioned it to you, I think it would be good to bring up. Is he aware of your Christianity-related trauma?

No he hasn't shared anything in session. He showed me a photo from a place I'd never been to, I searched the place and a chapel came up on Facebook. There were zoom services advertised and him and his wife were pictured there. They like the posts and stuff. It's a Unitarian thing so I know it's different to normal Christianity, but still his approach has definitely changed. He seems a bit linear, focusing on happy hope love stuff. Denying the dark sides to life. Shadow side disappeared. Less whole, you know?

I have mentioned my religious trauma previously but have never gone in to detail. I was afraid his wife was Catholic before so didn't go too deep. Eugh I wish I didn't search for stuff about him I'm going to stop doing that.

[stopdog]

The first woman was jewish and the second was a not super mainstream xtian branch but it never came up in why I was hiring them. Had there been religious icons or any attempts at discussion of religion - I would have left immediately

[Taylor27]

I know my therapist came from a pastoral family. Her Dad used to be a pastor of a church. We talk allot about it because I used to be very active in my church. She always lets me talk about it and never tries to influence her beliefs on me. I feel she understands allot about what I talk about and it's helpful for me.

[ArtleyWilkins]

All of mine are Christian. One more spiritual than religious, meaning, as far as I was aware, he wasn't a regular church goer. The other two were very active in their churches. One was actually one of the ministers in my church. Interestingly enough, we pretty much never discussed religion - it wasn't related to my issues so it wouldn't have come up, even with my pastor.

[Merope]

As far as I know, he's an atheist.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Lostislost

No he hasn't shared anything in session. He showed me a photo from a place I'd never been to, I searched the place and a chapel came up on Facebook. There were zoom services advertised and him and his wife were pictured there. They like the posts and stuff. It's a Unitarian thing so I know it's different to normal Christianity, but still his approach has definitely changed. He seems a bit linear, focusing on happy hope love stuff. Denying the dark sides to life. Shadow side disappeared. Less whole, you know?

I have mentioned my religious trauma previously but have never gone in to detail. I was afraid his wife was Catholic before so didn't go too deep. Eugh I wish I didn't search for stuff about him I'm going to stop doing that.

If it's Unitarian, from my understanding, they're more philosophical and spiritual than religious in a Christian sense (source: I looked into Unitarian churches at one point and attend one service with a friend). I think you could mention the change in approach without saying what you'd Googled. The midst of a pandemic doesn't, to me, feel like a time to be focusing on the happy love stuff (though maybe that's his personal way of coping?).

Your mentioning that made me think of a T I saw for 2 or 3 sessions while I was pregnant and suffering with bad anxiety. She was Jewish, but kept talking about me going to some sort of religious service (not necessarily Jewish) and was trying to get me to make a "vision board" of what I wanted the future to be like. It sounds sort of like the approach you said your T is taking now. It wasn't for me and certainly wasn't helpful at the time, so I terminated.

My current T can be rather dark at times, and I appreciate that about him. If he was all positive and kept trying to get me to focus on the bright side all the time, I wouldn't have been able to stay with him, particularly now, during the pandemic, when I'm really struggling. He will suggest things like practicing gratitude, which he said helps many people, but when I tell him that (or other methods) tends to not work for me, he backs off.

So I'd say you've noticed a change in your T's approach and you don't feel it's helping you right now. Or maybe even just say you've noticed the change, see what he says.

[Lostislost]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

If it's Unitarian, from my understanding, they're more philosophical and spiritual than religious in a Christian sense (source: I looked into Unitarian churches at one point and attend one service with a friend). I think you could mention the change in approach without saying what you'd Googled. The midst of a pandemic doesn't, to me, feel like a time to be focusing on the happy love stuff (though maybe that's his personal way of coping?).

Your mentioning that made me think of a T I saw for 2 or 3 sessions while I was pregnant and suffering with bad anxiety. She was Jewish, but kept talking about me going to some sort of religious service (not necessarily Jewish) and was trying to get me to make a "vision board" of what I wanted the future to be like. It sounds sort of like the approach you said your T is taking now. It wasn't for me and certainly wasn't helpful at the time, so I terminated.

My current T can be rather dark at times, and I appreciate that about him. If he was all positive and kept trying to get me to focus on the bright side all the time, I wouldn't have been able to stay with him, particularly now, during the pandemic...

Thank you, yes it may well be just his way of coping. It’s good that Unitarians are more philosophical then, they seem to be LGBTQ inclusive as well which I know my T likes to be seen as. I think it was the image of the chapel, the man running it calls himself a minister...it triggered me badly.

I know I may well be projecting some stuff. Maybe I am just horrendously jealous that he and his wife have this common ground they can share, that they don’t have money troubles due to the pandemic because they have jobs the government cares about. That he has enough money to take holidays during it all. While I am very broke, and broken, and throwing up every hour from this pregnancy with no people to support me because we aren’t even allowed in each other’s homes. I am really scared and stressed out.

[LostOnTheTrail]

She's used the word spiritual, which suits me. It makes me more comfortable discussing some aspects of my beliefs around life after death and continuing bonds.

[nottrustin]

She is Catholic. She does not advertise or typically tell clients about it. She works with a lot of LGBTQ clients and enjoys her work. She fears if she were to publicize or tell clients she is Catholic they would incorrectly assume her beliefs. She is the most accepting and non judgmental person I have ever met.

It is only because in my initial appointment I listed my faith and church being a huge part of my life, she felt it would be appropriate to tell me. We have had several religious discussions. I noticed lately she does have spirituality as one of the issues she helps with.

[atisketatasket]

OP—maybe if you share your trauma with him it would help you deal with it, since it sounds like you think well of him?

Religion in and of itself is neither good or bad, it’s the way people who practice religion behave that makes it seem so. Maybe he can show you that not all religious people are like the ones that traumatized you?

[Lostislost]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

OP—maybe if you share your trauma with him it would help you deal with it, since it sounds like you think well of him?

Religion in and of itself is neither good or bad, it’s the way people who practice religion behave that makes it seem so. Maybe he can show you that not all religious people are like the ones that traumatized you?

Thanks, I might do that if it feels right when I'm there. There's just so much of it. I don't mind what religion he is, but I want my deep and dark therapist back for sure.

[Mountaindewed]

We were talking about some thing in 2019. Maybe what day Lent or Easter or something was on. And she mentioned being a bad catholic. So I assume she’s catholic. When I went in for my surgery she said the morning of the surgery that she’d be thinking of me and sending me good vibes. I think maybe she meant she would pray for me but didn’t want to use the word “pray” because she knows I’m not religious.

[Rive.]

Could you broach it with him? I mean, he sent you the photo so in a way *he* got the ball rolling.

And I couldn't agree more with that

My current T can be rather dark at times, and I appreciate that about him. If he was all positive and kept trying to get me to focus on the bright side all the time, I wouldn't have been able to stay with him[...]

I had a T who was like an over-excitable puppy and it felt forced... and fake. It felt like a denial of reality. Life isn't always pleasant and things often suck. Being all pollyanna-ish is dismissive of the dark/harsh reality some of us have to endure.

[velcro003]

I think my T has mentioned she is spiritual, but we've never delved into that topic, probably because I told her I am an atheist and its not really an issue for me.

[Quietmind 2]

My T is Christian (I asked at our 1st session because I've had a psychologist who was also a pastor insert his beliefs into my therapy) but she is LGBTQIA affirming (I'm bi and trans) and our therapy is completely secular.

I have religious trauma because my parents used Christianity to justify their abuse but she has never ever gone "they're not real Christians" or anything implying along that sort.

Once or twice she said some rather unorthodox things (for most Christians even UU or highly progressive ones) when I bring up my religious trauma. She's also called herself a Doubting Thomas (it was relevant in my therapy).

[Marie123]

My t is a pastor....I went to him because I was being abused in a church......spiritual abuse.....He was incredible and amazing. It was a miracle to find a therapist who understood spiritual abuse.

[SlumberKitty]

My first T that I saw when I was a teenager was a Buddhist.

Former T was a Christian.
Pastor T is of course religious--he's Christian.
Current T is Catholic. We debate about a few things. But neither of us will change our minds about it so it remains things we've agreed to disagree on. I'm Christian btw though I have a Jewish background.

[RainbowSadness]

My therapist is a Catholic, has a crucifix hanging right in his office. He's never been shy about it. I'm an atheist and am not particularly comfortable about the fact as I too have religious trauma. I'm a transgender bisexual who came from a Protestant Christian family. My sister-in-law reacted especially bad and cyberbullied me over it, even making comments about my privates when I was a minor at the time and she was in her late twenties. I'm never realistically going to be pro-religion, I have too much trauma surrounding it, so it's just a discussion I leave off the table. My T and I don't talk about it. He's very convicted about his beliefs as a Catholic, as am I as an Atheist, and we both know it will just lead to ruptures. My religious trauma actually did slip into conversation once and he as unable to show appropriate sympathy due to the fact that he ended up feeling defensive as a Christian himself. It became an unwritten rule since then that we don't talk about religion, I've accepted it's something I'll have to work on in the future with another therapist.

[nottrustin]

Long term T was Christian but I don't remember thr denomination but not Catholic. She was very much non practicing. We did talk about religionquite a bit be abuse it was and is important to me. My faith plays a large roll in my life. She never said a negative word about my faith. She was also very supportive especially since one of the groups I am heavily involved in has made a huge impact on my life. One weekenxI attended a retreat and talked in front of a group of attendees about my trauma. T helped me prepare the presentation and after the weekend, she told me that my participation was able to accomplish about 2 years of therapy would have. From the sounds of it, I was one of only a. couple of clients over the 35 years she was in practice she had religion discussions with.

[Salmon77]

My T has described himself as a lapsed Catholic. I'm not religious, and I don't have any religion-related trauma, but I would have trouble working with someone who was openly devout or brought their religion into the conversation unnecessarily. It's just not relevant to me.

Like this situation:

My therapist is a Catholic, has a crucifix hanging right in his office. He's never been shy about it. [...] He's very convicted about his beliefs as a Catholic, as am I as an Atheist, and we both know it will just lead to ruptures. My religious trauma actually did slip into conversation once and he as unable to show appropriate sympathy due to the fact that he ended up feeling defensive as a Christian himself. It became an unwritten rule since then that we don't talk about religion, I've accepted it's something I'll have to work on in the future with another therapist.

This sounds like a therapist who's letting his own stuff get in the way of treating his client and to me that's not okay.

[*Beth*]

She was raised Catholic, but no longer practices Catholicism. She's a deeply spiritual person, though.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

We have never talked about his religion and it's not mentioned on his webpage or anywhere else publicly. There's other therapists here that will advertise their religion, but as far as I can tell my T doesn't and since I'm not really interested in religion apart from the mindfulness aspect, we've never talked about it.