Couch 225: 2+2=5, Sheeple!

Toss the money on a table. I was not suggesting throwing a wad in their laps. First - I wanted the woman to have work for it in at least picking it up -she didn't do any other work during the 50 min

My psychiatrist got involved in the mess between my T and me. He told her his side and then I told her mine. I was shocked that she would say this bc propriety and professionalism and all that, but she actually agreed with me that he’s overstepping here. She says that people should be allowed to bring into therapy what they want to bring. And all his nonsense about it being unethical to avoid this topic bc I had SI after breaking up with a BF in the past is just that: nonsense. She thinks he’s afraid. She’s going to talk to him about it. And he really trusts and respects her (she is very experienced and has a very prestigious position in a very big and prestigious hospital system) so maybe he’ll listen.

In the meantime, T has left me several voicemails. None of them say anything especially new or different.

(For thise who missed the beginning of the saga, my T had been insisting that I talk to him about my sexual and intimate life with my BF; when I refused to say more than I was comfortable with, he said he wouldn’t treat me anymore unless I started talking about it.)

I know y’all think I should kick him to the curb. The problem is that I feel attached to him. And he knows me and my nonsense backwards and forwards. Also, frankly, I’m moving across the country in four months and it’d be a pain in the butt to find a therapist for four months until I move and can find someone else there.

I would be pissed if a therapist kept calling and leaving me voicemails.

I pay with my HSA card. I sorta threw it at her one time, I don't remember why I did it, but I do remember zinging it at her like a frisbee that particular day.

thanks Kit. And hugs back for you and Esther. We bought that ramp awhile back so he can still get up on our bed at night, and now a couple weeks ago we bought him a raised-up food dish so he can eat more easily (he was having trouble eating from a normal dish his head would bob up and down after each bite so he could swallow, it looked so uncomfortable for him) and that has helped. Part of me wants to do everything possible including all the expensive tests, etc. but part of me says if he were a kitten that would be one thing, but he's 14. He's not falling down when he walks, but we can tell his legs are weak or hurting him when he walks he stops and sits every few steps. I wish there was a magic sign to tell me what to do.

I have waited too long in the past also, and told myself I'd never do that again. But here I am, possibly doing it again. I think I'll keep watching him close the rest of today and talk with h about it this evening. Not sure what he is thinking about it all. He's out getting his vaccine right now. Surprised he's not back home yet, maybe he went to pick up lunch or something after.

This email to Info isn’t buttery-*****y, is it?

“I’m happy to pay again, but may I ask if there’s a special reason to cancel this check when we didn’t the last lost check, which you did find eventually? Do you think you lost it outside of home or office?

I also wonder if there is a more secure way for me to pay you for the time being to avoid checks getting lost? Do you have Venmo, for instance? (I would rather not use a credit card.)”

Buttery-*****y is someone who is being a *****, but very sweetly.

And now I am one of those people who ask other people if they have Venmo.

Chihiro—attachment is not a good reason to stay in *any* bad relationship. “I just need to see him for four more months and then that is it” is better.


Actually I feel like writing a check is more personal. Like it reminds me I am choosing to be in therapy. Credit card payment makes me feel therapy is the same as a trip to the grocery store and even I know that it’s not.

@@ I think your email is fine.

I read somewhere that Venmo isn't HIPAA compliant.

Ah, here's where I saw that.

PayPal and Venmo are not HIPAA compliant : psychotherapy

Maybe, I dunno. I actually only just got Venmo to pay the woman who bought the subscription to the file sharing site my writers’ group uses.

It does have this default (it can be changed) of publicizing all transactions which would definitely not be HIPAA compliant. On the other hand neither is losing checks.

Yeah, I just wanted you to be aware the transaction might not be fully private.

So, Dr. T made a really good point today in talking about therapy, transference, etc. That in the therapeutic relationship, he really just has to do one thing well for a certain period of time. In terms of listening, being empathetic for time of each session. We were talking in particular about the relationship of a spouse/partner. Where there are many more things that need to be done well there, including things like keeping the living space clean, dealing with finances, intimate relations, possibly parenting, etc. (longer list than that). That most likely, a partner would fall short in some of those areas. And I imagine the same could be said for parents, other relatives, friends, etc. It made me think...

So, I'm filling in my own word for the *****, but am wondering if it's the correct one? Does it start with a "B"?

And that makes sense about writing a check being more personal--I hadn't considered that aspect. We just really don't use checks for anything anymore (all electronic), so if I were to use them for therapy, we'd have to pay for them just for that. And not sure how I'd handle them being virtual--I guess mailing them?

Maybe part of my issue with Dr. T charging my credit card at the end of session, right before I left, was tied into it feeling like the grocery store. When he started doing that at the beginning, it was easier for me. Because it wasn't tied into the parting words. Like "Let me pay you for this service now." Especially if it was a session that left me really upset. Paying at the beginning, that part was done with, then we'd proceed with the session. Now it's all detached from it, and sometimes he doesn't do the billing for a week or so.

There are alternatives:

How to pay for therapy with HIPAA Compliant apps

I'm glad your p-doc has gotten involved. Maybe she can knock some sense into him? I do wonder if it's that he's afraid, but that doesn't make how he's acting toward you OK.

And I understand your wanting to stay with him. Attachment is a powerful force. Plus the move. And God knows, I stuck with my T at times that others have said that I shouldn't have. I'm ultimately glad that I did (well for now at least!), but there were definitely some painful points in there. And it can be so hard to tell what direction things will go in.


I hope you can work it out and have a good ending with him. I hope your p-doc talks to him soon.

I was super attached to R. There have been moments when I've missed him, but now almost one month on stopping therapy actually feels liberating. I felt like it was over in august, but I hung on and kept on hoping that it would get better.

Do you feel like your T really does understand? If you were to sum up the past few months with either a positive or a negative sign, which would it be?

You're always allowed to leave relationships, that no longer work and you don't lose any of the growth you have gained by seeing this T. In the same way would you keep seeing a urologist when you really needed a cardiologist? I also believe that you're only ready for something when you're ready for it. So I understand if you do want to stick with him for a bit longer.

I've decided I'm not mad at T anymore. The anger has passed. She said what she said and there's no taking it back but likely next session we'll just move forward like nothing happened. If I were a more mature person I would tell her I was angry with her and why and then we could discuss it. But I don't think I'm that mature. Not that I think our relationship would break down or something but there's a fear in me about telling people that I am or have been angry with them. It's always been "unsafe" in my experience, especially my experiences as a child. I know this would be the perfect opportunity to correct some of that programming from childhood, but like I said, I don't think I'm that mature. I don't know if I will bring any of it up to T. At least I didn't have a crisis over this. I kept it together. I didn't fall apart. I survived being angry. I didn't implode. Some useful stuff there. Shame we won't be discussing it in therapy.

Lemon, interesting that your choices were urologist vs cardiologist. Thats why i love you, my dear. That would probably solve sooooo many relationship problems!

My advice to chihiro is, Leap and the net will appear. Take advantage of this opportunity with your t. What are you protecting?

What do you mean, una?