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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
5 23.7k hugs
given |
#241
Thank you for giving so much of yourself. You are a gem!
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RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: Somewhere I'm working to leave
Posts: 1,243
4 8 hugs
given |
#242
Quote:
I have clinician books on Schema Therapy which specify how BPD is treated and how your T is treating you is messed up in my opinion. |
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SlumberKitty
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chihirochild, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, Mystical_Being, RoxanneToto
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Human Feeling
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,316
13 3,458 hugs
given |
#243
I feel like I've run the gamut of possible human emotions over the past two days.
Some of them I've been playing Whack a Mole with for a very long time. At this point in time, I am pretty much just feeling worn out. Thank you for fitting me in on Tuesday, and reminding me to be kind to myself. I am still learning what that looks like. Trying to go easy on the 'shoulds' today. I had plans for yesterday, but they didn't come to fruition. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
LonesomeTonight, RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty
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Quietmind 2
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: Somewhere I'm working to leave
Posts: 1,243
4 8 hugs
given |
#244
Quote:
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SlumberKitty
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: Somewhere I'm working to leave
Posts: 1,243
4 8 hugs
given |
#245
T...
Yeah, day 3. You probably won't reply. I still check my email multiple times a day like a fool. Why do I bother. You wrote that I don't have to agree about spacing out sessions and that it can be tested and the barriers discussed. Sure didn't effing feel that you ever said that the 2 times we discussed this in person. You just simply said I wouldn't feel that way when the time comes. I don't feel heard And you wrote how we (stop that bs "we") need to talk about if I'm using the session frequency in a helpful way or if that is "reinforcing dependency". Yeah, no I already hate how I'm too attached, and again it doesn't feel like a discussion. Suddenly very bothered about the long ago session where you said a restraining order would be "too extreme" for my case. Yeah, whatever. So he should be hitting or beating me for it to be not "too extreme"? Like how you think my father is all bark and no bite. You didn't live with him, so I don't see why you think you know better than me. Obviously it won't help to email that. So I'll be as sarcastic as I want here. Yeah whatever, don't understand why I'm still too effing attached to you. |
just2b, LonesomeTonight, Mystical_Being, RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty
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just2b
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: Somewhere I'm working to leave
Posts: 1,243
4 8 hugs
given |
#246
Well, T,
I'll find my own path if we can't repair the current rupture. Me and my system will be ok, we're survivors after all. |
just2b, LonesomeTonight, Mystical_Being, SlumberKitty
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just2b
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Roses are falling.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Seattle.
Posts: 9,922
(SuperPoster!)
7 10.4k hugs
given |
#247
__________________ Last edited by Lemoncake; Apr 16, 2021 at 12:44 PM.. |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Quietmind 2, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
6 117.7k hugs
given |
#248
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
Lemoncake, RoxanneToto
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Mystical_Being
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: Somewhere I'm working to leave
Posts: 1,243
4 8 hugs
given |
#249
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Lemoncake, SlumberKitty
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Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert of my soul
Posts: 7,532
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,958 hugs
given |
#250
Thank you for sharing what you did about yourself, it was super helpful to hear actually and especially to hear how you deal with it when you catch it happening. I'll try that next time I notice it in myself.
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Quietmind 2
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
6 117.7k hugs
given |
#251
Hey T, when you get a chance if you could please just text me back to make sure you know tomorrow I have an appointment. And that you know, you're still alive. Thanks, Kit
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight, Lostislost, Mystical_Being
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Quietmind 2
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Account Suspended
Member Since Jul 2020
Location: Unknown
Posts: 707
4 371 hugs
given |
#252
You learn more off your enemies than your friends,
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Lostislost, Mystical_Being, RoxanneToto
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Mystical_Being, RoxanneToto
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert of my soul
Posts: 7,532
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,958 hugs
given |
#253
Also, I thought that was kinda funny when you said "well, I know how your brain works!"
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SlumberKitty
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Quietmind 2, RoxanneToto
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert of my soul
Posts: 7,532
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,958 hugs
given |
#254
HEY!!! Yowsa. It just hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks.
I see what you did now. |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Quietmind 2
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: Somewhere I'm working to leave
Posts: 1,243
4 8 hugs
given |
#255
I don't understand why all these past therapy sessions bother me now.
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ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, Lostislost, Mystical_Being, RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert of my soul
Posts: 7,532
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,958 hugs
given |
#256
I love that my shirt still faintly smells like the candle you had burning today when I was there. That was so weird at that one point where I let myself get distracted by the way the wicks get almost covered by the melted wax and there's barely any flame anymore. I saw myself doing that you know, pulling my attention away from what we were talking about to purposely talk about the candle instead. It feels so strange, this self-witnessing, for lack of a better term, when it happens.
I wish we could have had another couple of hours to talk today. It was a really good session that ended much too quickly! |
LonesomeTonight, Lostislost, RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty
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Quietmind 2, RoxanneToto
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Veteran Member
Member Since May 2020
Location: Uk
Posts: 558
4 890 hugs
given |
#257
Everyone is leaving at the same time again. I'm not saying I would prefer to be a mother with no doubts about mothering, I'm saying I would prefer to not be a crazy and depressed mother. All I threw up was blood and water last night.
Been crying since I woke up because I dreamt of my dead grandmother, I got to tell her I was pregnant.. she didn't want to hug because of covid. I can't deal with all these dreams and nightmares anymore, there's too many and they make me so sad and sick. |
ArtieTheSequal, just2b, LonesomeTonight, Mystical_Being, RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty
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Quietmind 2
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Veteran Member
Member Since May 2020
Location: Uk
Posts: 558
4 890 hugs
given |
#258
Ps. I miss you
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Quietmind 2
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: Somewhere I'm working to leave
Posts: 1,243
4 8 hugs
given |
#259
I don't like me. I don't think you'll reply. You didn't reply to my list of triggers and my counter question even though you literally asked me what were the triggers and that particular question I don't understand.
It's not critical enough to go to the psych ER as I'm not actively suicidal. I know you've a lot of clients, and probably a bunch in worse shape who need you more. I'll use my coping skills the best I can, don't want to give you more reason to feel our session frequency "reinforces dependency". I don't understand why so many of my friends local and overseas get to go weekly but not me even in a crisis. You wouldn't offer an earlier session, I'd have to ask. I don't want to because I think you'd say no. You'll say "that's an assumption" sure but you never ever saw me weekly no matter the crisis. Chronically passive SI and active SH was 2 weeks to.a month. Super dissociative the first session after a sexual assault? 2 weeks. And I don't want to overstay my welcome. Like you keep saying, I've seen you a long time, been at current frequency a long time. I have enough shame being an adult who feels so "needy". Last edited by Quietmind 2; Apr 17, 2021 at 09:53 AM.. |
ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, Lostislost, Mystical_Being, RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert of my soul
Posts: 7,532
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,958 hugs
given |
#260
I was just going to send you an email with the realization that I had last night - but getting an error that email server is down so I can't even pull it up let alone email you. You got lucky haha!
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LostOnTheTrail, SlumberKitty
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LostOnTheTrail
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Closed Thread |
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